[Victoria'smom]

So I write daily notes to my therapist kind of like a journal that she gets to look inside my brain. Well last session she said she's seen me better so I will get better. That aggravated me. So I wrote about how it doesn't matter if I get better I'm going to go batshit crazy either before and after. So we went through all the episodes I could remember. What happened in them. She was trying to figure out my pattern. I guess bp usual has a pattern. She wants me to chart my moods again to see if we can figure out a pattern. I'm supposed to stop trying to escape life by sleeping. She did a suicide check. Which even though my notes are pessimistic I'm not nearly at risk as I was November~January. She says my episodes are much calmer than when I first got there. It'll be interesting to see what pdoc says when I see him in 2 weeks.

[kaliope]

your t has a point. my bp cycles come in a definite pattern and I was able to track them by going through my journals because I only wrote when I was doing bad. I can sense your discouragement about what is the point though. I too feel that no matter what I do I will always be crazy. fortunately, after a couple of grueling miserable years, I found the right medications to stabilize me and haven't cycled for a while. I hope you can too. take care.