[Buffal0gal]

I am a 44 year old single mother, my daughter is 19. For most of our life together we have been very close. A few weeks ago I was hospitalized due to suicidal thoughts. As you all know it’s a daily struggle.
Since being hospitalized my daughter has been snappy and nasty. And to be fair, I have given it right back at times. I’m still not stable and mostly depressed and crying still with some anxiety mixed in.
Last night I asked her if we could please try to be nicer to each other, I told her I am trying to get better and told her how much I love her. She basically told me that my moods pushed her away and that she thinks I am doing this for attention.
She will not learn about bipolar, she will not go to family counseling (no matter how hard I try) I am at my wits end at this point. I know I am losing her and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it… any suggestions?

[gayleggg]

Sounds like she needs a little space. She may be having feelings regarding your suicidal thoughts that she can't face right now nor knows how to deal with. I would give her a little time to adjust. Go to counseling for yourself and that will help you to adjust to her reaction as well as help you get your mood swings more stable. Then you can rebuild your relationship. Don't give up on her, I'm sure she will come around.

[wildflowerchild25]

As a daughter of a mentally ill mother, I can tell you that I agree with Gayle. She needs some space. It's very difficult not to be angry at your parent for that. Especially if you had suicidal thoughts. She may not understand that the thoughts are part of your condition, she may just see it as abandonment. She thinks you don't care about her, because why would you Even consider suicide otherwise? Someone who hasn't been there can't understand the complexity of suicidal thoughts.

She will have to deal with it on her own terms. You say you've always been close, but have you had severe mood episodes for a long time? It's possible you don't know how your condition has affected her growing up. I was the angriest at my mother for a lifetime of emotional neglect between 18 and 21. But eventually I was able to forgive her for everything she had done or not done. But if she had pushed me I would have just pushed her away.

All I would say is keep letting her know you love her and that you're sorry and that you're doing verything you can to gt better. That's all you can do. And show her - go to therapy, take your meds, etc. she will come back to you.

[Victoria'smom]

After a mixed episode this past summer my son was mad, sad, and scared both for me and at me. His therapist and special one on one events. Still last night I apologized and he his response was I know your trying to be the best mom you can by doing therapy and medication. You still suck at it.

She may want to see if NAMI has any support for her

[Alone & confused]

Has anyone besides you tried to explain bipolar to her? I'm asking this because if she believes you're just trying to get attention, then she's probably not going to listen to you, but maybe if she heard about the condition from someone else in an unbiased way can make her understand ?? I have 5 kids & I know how hard it is on you. I wish you the best!

[Buffal0gal]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Has anyone besides you tried to explain bipolar to her? I'm asking this because if she believes you're just trying to get attention, then she's probably not going to listen to you, but maybe if she heard about the condition from someone else in an unbiased way can make her understand ?? I have 5 kids & I know how hard it is on you. I wish you the best!

Yes, my sister and my best friend (who has a bipolar son) have tried to explain it too her. Its like she is just too mad to even bother. I bought a book that helps family members who live with bipolar family members. Hopefully she reads that. I wish she would just go to family counseling with me. UGH.

Thanks everyone for the GREAT advice!

[Buffal0gal]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

As a daughter of a mentally ill mother, I can tell you that I agree with Gayle. She needs some space. It's very difficult not to be angry at your parent for that. Especially if you had suicidal thoughts. She may not understand that the thoughts are part of your condition, she may just see it as abandonment. She thinks you don't care about her, because why would you Even consider suicide otherwise? Someone who hasn't been there can't understand the complexity of suicidal thoughts.

She will have to deal with it on her own terms. You say you've always been close, but have you had severe mood episodes for a long time? It's possible you don't know how your condition has affected her growing up. I was the angriest at my mother for a lifetime of emotional neglect between 18 and 21. But eventually I was able to forgive her for everything she had done or not done. But if she had pushed me I would have just pushed her away.

All I would say is keep letting her know you love her and that you're sorry and that you're doing verything you can to gt better. That's all you can do. And show her - go to therapy, take your meds, etc. she will come back to you.

Thanks for the insight. I have had severe episodes for about a year, before that it was pretty much smooth sailing. I also had severe episodes when I was younger but lived symptom free for the most part for 18 years.

I tell/text her everyday that I love her and we say it every night. I think I have been too fixated on my feelings about the way I am being treated by her and not how she is feeling. Thanks for the help with the breakthrough Wild!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Buffal0gal

Yes, my sister and my best friend (who has a bipolar son) have tried to explain it too her. Its like she is just too mad to even bother. I bought a book that helps family members who live with bipolar family members. Hopefully she reads that. I wish she would just go to family counseling with me. UGH.

Thanks everyone for the GREAT advice!

Well crud! Hmmmm..... Here's my next thought, and I'm grasping at straws here, do you think that Maybe she may have some sort of unresolved issues of her own & possibly feels like no one has noticed because she believes your illness is "taking center stage"? I know my own kids have had trouble understanding me & "acted out" a bit because they had things going on in their Own lives that they didn't feel were being addressed because of My issues. It's just a thought & desperate attempt to help you find answers!

[pink&grey]

My Mom attempted suicide when I was 12. I stayed mad at her for years and never really understood until I started to suffer the same way. Space is good for now. Once you are living a more stable day to day life she'll feel more comfortable and you can try and discuss it again then. Hang in there. It will get better.