The most embarrassing part of your illness?

I hear you! Not my business anyway totally makes sense. Therapy is great in that way. It really helps to understand parts of ourselves that have never made sense, or have been seen as faults. It's awesome that you found the therapy for you!

I guess one of the more embarrassing aspects of my disorder is the pity I often get. I understand where they're coming from, but it sort of just isolates me and makes me want to cry.

Another are, of course, the delusions and manic episodes. It forces me to constantly try to figure out what's real or what's not, if people are really acting this way or my mind is making it all up. Thankfully, two or three people have ever seen me at my worst with those side effects, and two of them probably don't even remember. The third is trying to help me through them.

For some reason, insomnia is often seen as a "positive" trait to those who have never experienced it for chronically, so I guess I've got that going. I'm going to hide behind that shield until it wears down.

Edited to mention my self harm scars. The ones on my arm require me to change my whole body language and make me conscious of my every movement so that they're not noticeable. I hate when I've accidentally slipped and someone sees them but doesn't say anything. Maybe that's a good thing. I just wish it wasn't a common notion that people who self harm are doing it for attention.

Thx for mentioning delusions! I was recently in a support group and was the only person who seemed to have this problem. Yeah I have schizoaffective disorder (depending on which professional I talk to), but even bipolar with psychotic features deals with delusions. It so hard to live while constantly doubting my perceptions. Actually, it's a f---ing nightmare. It's exhausting. It's also frustrating to be in a group and due to my delusions, being the craziest person there. ESPECIALLY, when other patients use me as the example of some bizarre behavior or thought. I didn't ask for this stuff. It landed on me. I'm not any more of a freak than any other mentally ill person.

-not showering
-lying and making up excuses because I have to cancel on someone
-getting these crazy manic "crushes" on both men and women and chasing them around to get attention
-being overweight...craving sugar...watching meds play havoc with my weight