I've never had a "mixed" episode. Am I having one?

Ok, so I've just came out of a two weekish mania. I did all sorts of weird things. I still have a ton of energy and I don't sleep. But sometimes in the middle of the day all of my energy disappears and I crash and sleep for an hour. Most of the time I feel depressed now. And I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts again. Up until now I've been absolutely repulsed with self harm...now my left arm has bruises and cuts on the soft side. I don't even know why I do it.

I've done everything I can to get into my doc...the earliest they say is the 17th. I called my therapist and they can't get me in until the 17th either. (I skipped appointments during an episode so I haven't been to therapy since Dec 10ish) Besides going to the emergency room I just don't know what to do. I just want to be manic again so much and I feel like I'm trying to get it back. I feel like I'm in denial. I'm worried and far too embarrassed to talk to my parents. I can't talk to them, I have bad issues with them. I feel like time is not on my side.

Can you call back in the morning and let them know it is an emergency? You do sound mixed, with the energy and depression symptoms traveling together. It can be one of the more dangerous times. It is for me. If they still can't work you in the schedule then maybe an evaluation at the psych er would be a good idea.

I knew I'd get the psych er answer. I just feel so weird about it. I've never been to one before and I'm afraid. I constantly worry about how my parents would feel about me going to one. My gut just feels wrong about going there. Probably because my brother is a doctor and he made fun of those people...I know trying to solve it on my own is not the right thing to do. I'm too embarrassed to go to the psych place.

Mania always devolves into mixed for me, and fairly quickly at that. For me once it takes that turn I will not be euphoric until the next episode, if I make it that far. Each mixed episode this year has resulted in hospitalization for me because I am unable to control my impulses to self-harm. I also fed for my safety in regards to suicide.

It is up to you if you want to use a psych ER or not. For me I was left with no option after I severely injured myself and my pdoc at the time refused to help. The 17 is only about two weeks away. I would take Benadryl to try to sleep and keep calm (just recommended dose, no more) until you can get there. But if at any point you feel you are in real danger, forget yor reservations and go to the ER. It is not worth your life.

I often become mixed in hypomanic episodes. It's been a long time since I dropped straight from hypomania to depressed. I generally become mixed/normal.

I agree, take steps to make sure you are safe. There is nothing your loved ones would want more then to know that you are still with them. As for your brother, I'm sorry to say, as a doctor it is very unprofessional of him to ridicule mental illness. Please keep yourself safe.