[Lobster Hands]

I'm not gonna lie, I get depressed fairly often...but why is it always something my dad says that tips me over the edge and into constant suicidal thoughts?

It never fails...whenever I'm feeling like**** he always manages to come along and say something like,"I've done 10 things today, what have you done? Nothing, you've been like this for days. Snap out of it. No wonder you have no friends!"

I had work off because of weather...I can't even do that much. What other son my age would even take the time to cook for his parents 4/7 days of the week?

Oh and of course when I grow up I'm gonna appreciate him...

[swheaton]

He doesn't know what to do to help you. It isn't helpful, but I think it comes out of frustration.

[Victoria'smom]

Your dad doesn't understand or he does understand but is using the wrong approach. Its easy for people to see someone they love as lazy because that they can fix. Its incredibly hard to know a loved one is in horrible pain and know there's nothing you can do to fix it and that's frustrating. A lot of people even knowing a person is depressed still try to 'help' that way.

[Lobster Hands]

I forgot the one where he says,"I was just like you at you're age, but I snapped out of it"...I don't even know what that means.

Yeah I know...I'm sure he loves me and all. I guess I'll just never feel it.

[MilitaryMech]

I understand. My dad is is a total Asshat. I'm pretty sure he is undiagnosed BP, he Definitely has PTSD (He is a VietNam Vet. I can't tell you how many times I've seen him wake up screaming). I also think he suffered Fetal alcohol Syndrome. His mother was a raging alcoholic....

My dad is a bully. He can be extremely generous, but will take everything away if you don't do exactly what he wants.

I spent all of High school and most of my 20's trying to please him. Now, screw him. I can see that he is a miserable old man. He has no friends and is being used by his mistress.

He will die alone and unloved.

You can't make someone love you. It's so hard to realize. Heck, maybe he does love you and he just doesn't understand. Keep your head down and get out when you can.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by MilitaryMech

I understand. My dad is is a total Asshat. I'm pretty sure he is undiagnosed BP, he Definitely has PTSD (He is a VietNam Vet. I can't tell you how many times I've seen him wake up screaming). I also think he suffered Fetal alcohol Syndrome. His mother was a raging alcoholic....

My dad is a bully. He can be extremely generous, but will take everything away if you don't do exactly what he wants.

I spent all of High school and most of my 20's trying to please him. Now, screw him. I can see that he is a miserable old man. He has no friends and is being used by his mistress.

He will die alone and unloved.

You can't make someone love you. It's so hard to realize. Heck, maybe he does love you and he just doesn't understand. Keep your head down and get out when you can.

That's exactly how I feel..."keep my head down and get out when I can"...you nailed it. my dad was also an officer in the army. So maybe that paints a more vivid picture.

[Resident Bipolar]

My step-dad was a lot like this when I lived with him and my mother. He said exactly the kinda thing your dad said to you but my mother always assured me that it was just because he didn't understand.

Close to the time I was going through the process of moving out, something triggered inside of me and I was upset and angry and just... "bleurgh". My mother got upset and my brother got angry and it was a very heated situation. Once I'd calmed down and had a good little cry (manly, I know) my mother told me something that shocked me: he'd actually said to my mother "Don't worry, it's just his condition".

Like WOW. Where the heck did that come from?!

So yeah, it's probably more the fact that he doesn't know what to do or say. Dads are like that. When I first started self-harming my actual dad grabbed me by the arm and raved on about how I should be locked up in a hospital and this and that. I was sent to my dad's spare bedroom, where I slept at his, and received a barrage of abuse for the next couple of months. Eventually he came around and started to understand a bit more but he still doesn't QUITE get it. He still asks me every now and then something like: "So that Bipolar thingy is fixed now?" I can't get it through to him that it's not curable but treatable. Oh well, I know he loves me nonetheless.

Have you got a psych team or anything like that? If not then get in touch with one and get yourself a support network set up. Then ask them to explain to him - it could help. Or you could maybe send him a link or two to some information about your disorder or print a leaflet of some kind out and give that to him

You'll both get there eventually. It's a learning curve for all involved.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

My step-dad was a lot like this when I lived with him and my mother. He said exactly the kinda thing your dad said to you but my mother always assured me that it was just because he didn't understand.

Close to the time I was going through the process of moving out, something triggered inside of me and I was upset and angry and just... "bleurgh". My mother got upset and my brother got angry and it was a very heated situation. Once I'd calmed down and had a good little cry (manly, I know) my mother told me something that shocked me: he'd actually said to my mother "Don't worry, it's just his condition".

Like WOW. Where the heck did that come from?!

So yeah, it's probably more the fact that he doesn't know what to do or say. Dads are like that. When I first started self-harming my actual dad grabbed me by the arm and raved on about how I should be locked up in a hospital and this and that. I was sent to my dad's spare bedroom, where I slept at his, and received a barrage of abuse for the next couple of months. Eventually he came around and started to understand a bit more but he still doesn't QUITE get it. He still asks me every now and then something like: "So that Bipolar thingy is fixed now?" I can't get it through to him that it's not curable but treatable. Oh well, I know he loves me nonetheless.

Have you got a psych team or anything like that? If not then get in touch with one and get yourself a support network set up. Then ask them to explain to him - it could help. Or you could maybe send him a link or two to some information about your disorder or print a leaflet of some kind out and give that to him

You'll both get there eventually. It's a learning curve for all involved.

What do you mean "psych team or anything like that"?

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

That's exactly how I feel..."keep my head down and get out when I can"...you nailed it. my dad was also an officer in the army. So maybe that paints a more vivid picture.

This explains a LOT more! My dad was also in the army and served in Vietnam (British troop but was still involved somehow).

In the army you're taught to "suck it up" from the start. So before you even get into the effect that being in the forces actually has on one's mind, you can see where that kind of mentality comes from.

Plus, our parents are from a different generation to us. Mental illness has always existed but only sort of recently has the scientific and medical understanding of psychiatric illness developed and helped us to understand, diagnose and treat people suffering from a psychiatric condition/disorder/illness/whatever term doesn't offend you or whoever reads this.

Therefore, they simply don't understand. A lot just believe it's a load of c**p because "these things never existed when I was your age". No. They've always existed, we just hadn't truly understood them at the time.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

What do you mean "psych team or anything like that"?

Psychiatrist/Therapist/Social Worker/Pdoc. Whatever term you prefer

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

Psychiatrist/Therapist/Social Worker/Pdoc. Whatever term you prefer

Oh...haha I knew that. The "team" part threw me for a loop.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

Oh...haha I knew that. The "team" part threw me for a loop.

Sorry about that. I get so used to saying a "team" because I've always had a psychiatrist and a case worker - but maybe that's a duo instead

[jenniy122]

My dad is the main factor behind 4 of my 7 hospitalizations. Others can say what they want about him (my aunt repetitively tells me how he's a good father), but I know the truth, and that is he is abusive, disrespectful, rude, and a jerk. And it's not that he doesn't understand, after all I inherited half of my mental illness genes from him. He's just pissed that by luck my brother came out normal and I didn't and can't live up to my brother's standards. He tells me to get off my lazy *** and get a job even though right now I'm in the middle of a med change and am either suicidally depressed or so far the other way that I can't focus longer than a minute and can't even sit through my 20 minute med appointment because I have so much energy. Then when I offer to help around the house he tells me I'm too fat. This, coming from a man who a year ago was 400lbs. Just because I gained as much as he lost he thinks he has a right to comment on my weight now, I never commented on his even though his size impacted my childhood.

Some people just aren't good people, and the best thing to do with them is get away from them as soon as possible.

[misskrome]

Sounds like he's an ***, to be honest. Honestly, if someone kept saying things like that to me, I'd just cut them off permanently, but that's just me. I don't give a flying frack if they're related to me or not. People are people are people and anyone can become family. If it were me, that person should probably find another person to poison caz it ain't gonna be me. In my experience, people get aggressive with that kind of talk because they are disgusted with something you are or do. Disgust is a very complicated... should I call it an emotion or reaction? I have no idea. All I know is that sometimes people are most disgusted with what they repress the most in themselves. I got lucky in the dad department. I didn't grow up living with my dad but I visited him frequently and we would talk about hard times. He was always very understanding even able to relate. When I said I felt like I had nothing left to offer, he would tell me he felt the same way about himself and we would spend hours on end talking about our observations about the **** going wrong in the world and with ourselves and how we both felt like screw-ups. It was great to have an understanding listener, someone who wasn't afraid to admit his vulnerabilities to his adult daughter and speak to her like a respectable human being instead of making her feel like an annoying kid.

This other guy, who is basically my new dad (adopted) and his wife both were baby boomers and both in the military. He was a Vietnam veteran and had the 'suck-it-up' approach but he was nice about it and never forced it on me when I was a teenager. His wife, however, was a hard-*** woman. She would see me crying for whatever reason and stand over me and say things like: "What? You gonna cry, now??? What is there to cry about? You need to get off your drama kick and stop looking stupid in front of everyone." I think she was embarrassed of me. My soft, sensitive, creative personality seemed to rub her the wrong way. If she had her way, I would stand up straight, never speak until addressed and not cry. When I got older, I stood up to her and things got ugly like you wouldn't believe. See, I'm sensitive, which means that I feel emotions very strongly. When I am sad, I am devastated. When I am happy, I am walking on air. When I was angry and had enough, the ***** finally backed down. I told her that people cry when someone they love dies, or when they get bullied at school (or at home) and that there's nothing wrong with crying and allowing oneself to process their emotions properly and in their own way. Sad because she has training as a social worker so you'd think she knew this stuff. I set my boundaries and avoided further expression of emotion around her. Now, she feels left out. She says things like: "You're just so shut out from us and you don't tell us anything, anymore." Can't imagine why.

I think what he's doing to you is just bullying under the guise of discipline. It's overdone, which means that it is a suspicious amount of effort/aggression put into it. Next time he does that, get down to brass tacks, confront him and ask him what his deal is.

[TheHuffnpuff]

Your dad loves you very much, and he is just trying to motivate you the only way he knows how. When I went through my only depressed episode I used to lie on my bed all weekend. My wife came into the bedroom one day and started screaming at me at the top of her voice, telling me to get up and go outside and mow the lawn. You know what? I got up, went outside and mowed the lawn, and I felt a little better. I have found that a structured life has helped me a lot, and especially having active children. My wife makes me take them to their regular sporting events every week, I don't have much opportunity to sit around doing nothing. I think inactivity and boredom feed depression. Structuring my life has helped me. I don't suffer from depression now.

[Axiom]

Bad parents are bad. There is no excuse. If he gets you down and can't show you that he loves you, he doesn't deserve to be a parent.

Sorry if this offends someone, but trying to excuse bad parents and insisting that they're all loving and compassionate underneath the layer of **** is something I'm really fed up with.

[live2ski66]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

I'm not gonna lie, I get depressed fairly often...but why is it always something my dad says that tips me over the edge and into constant suicidal thoughts?

It never fails...whenever I'm feeling like**** he always manages to come along and say something like,"I've done 10 things today, what have you done? Nothing, you've been like this for days. Snap out of it. No wonder you have no friends!"

I had work off because of weather...I can't even do that much. What other son my age would even take the time to cook for his parents 4/7 days of the week?

Oh and of course when I grow up I'm gonna appreciate him...

Oh Lobster Hands, my heart just breaks for you. We've chatted before. I wish there were a way I could help you. Your Dad reminds me so much of my mother. She still pulls the same stunts, and I'm now 48 (yikes!). PM me anytime you want or need to talk.