Is it possible to be having a mixed episode for as long as 2 months? I feel like for the past 2 months I've simultaneously had a lot of energy and depression. I often feel wound up and agitated. I feel really stressed out and like I'm going to cry at any moment. I'll sometimes have a few hours where I feel pretty happy and energetic and then, out of nowhere, I start having suicidal thoughts again. The constant "upped" feeling combined with depression and hopelessness makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I've also started overly self-medicating with sleeping pills. I even take them in the middle of the day sometimes to help me calm down.

I want to start mood tracking because I've been told it will be helpful, but I can't do it because I don't know whether to put down that I've been manic for the day or depressed. What do you put when you're both?

[Victoria'smom]

Yes my mixed episodes can last months. I don't do charting so I can't tell you.

[LadyShadow]

I have mixed episodes where I am really tired or I am up and manic. I haven't done any charting so I don't know if it would help. But the mixed state can last a while. Did you talk to your doctor?

[Lobster Hands]

I second zoba's question. I definitely know what you mean by using sleep pills in the middle of the day.

[IndieVisible]

I stopped charting but yes it's very possible an I have done that. There are no "official" schedules or frequencies or patterns. I can be all over the map or off the map. I was feeling really GREAT for the past 2-3 weeks, was hoping it would last long er but I think I might be slipping in to a mixed mood now. I hope not. Mine is what you described minus the depression. I'm feeling pretty good now, but it's not as steady as it was.

Yes. I'd've scarcely believed it possible till I lived (just barely) through a really bad one that long.
Thing #1: Stay safe. Seriously.

Interestingly enough, I'd charted pretty regularly till then. All I have to show for that time is a pile of tiny scraps of paper, mostly illegible, missing dates, and written in every direction, going around corners and filling every space. Clumps of days from the different months were randomly jumbled together. The written information is basically useless. The state of them speaks for it.

So you won't want to use that system. There are quite a few systems out there that others can tell you about. I always just had a DIY chart one and the best I had come up with was to make a mark indicating how high and how low for the same day. Charting can be good, especially if your memory and/or concept of time are bad.

I don't have a doctor I can call at the moment. I pretty much just have to tough it out until May 7th when I see the psychiatrist for the first time. I'm only now getting treatment for bipolar disorder, and the waiting list to get in to the doctor is really long.

I feel like if I were only stronger/better/wiser/etc. then I could snap out of this episode and get control over my moods. It's really hard because I feel like this is all my fault. I sometimes secretly worry that the bipolar diagnosis is a mistake and I'm really just a horrible person.

These moods are wreaking havoc on my daily functioning and my marriage. I just want to feel normal again.

[lonelychick]

1) I think I spend most of my time either depressed or in a mixed state. Very rarely am I hypomanic. I'm type II so I won't ever be really manic. So yes, it's possible to be mixed for extended periods of time. I sometimes have trouble determining if I'm mixed or extremely rapid cycling though.

As far as tracking goes, what about tracking the mixed days as well as the manic and the depressed? As far as I know, there's nothing that says tracking is only for manic and depressed. You could have a symbol for manic, one for depressed, and one for mixed. You could even probably have one for when you just plain don't know. When you visit your doc for the first time, ask him/her about the days you were unsure about. Maybe they can help you get a better definition.

2) In regards to your last response, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT. It sucks, but it's not your fault and you're not a horrible person. Bipolar disorder is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is nothing you can do to either cause or prevent it. Try to hang in there. I know it's easier said than done, but it won't last forever. You can message me if you want to chat. Sorry this ended up being so long.

Originally Posted by lonelychick

1)

As far as tracking goes, what about tracking the mixed days as well as the manic and the depressed? As far as I know, there's nothing that says tracking is only for manic and depressed. You could have a symbol for manic, one for depressed, and one for mixed. You could even probably have one for when you just plain don't know. When you visit your doc for the first time, ask him/her about the days you were unsure about. Maybe they can help you get a better definition.

Thanks for this idea for tracking. I think I'm going to come up with my own system. And thanks for reminding me that it's not my fault that I feel this way.

[Mickey4333]

Zoba, the way you described your mixed episodes is the same as my mixed episodes!! Yes, they can last a long time (especially without treatment). I have found that each time I do have an episode, it seems to last longer (or is more severe) than the previous episodes.

I personally do not like to track my moods but good luck with that!