what's so hard about bipolar

Ppl thinking it's something that can just be overcome when depressed or manic. Like a cold. Also ppl who self diagnose themselves like a joke bc they have a normal minor mood swing.

There are so many things that are hard about bipolar.

I hate how much of my life it has taken away from me. Years of untreated mood episodes and wasted life, and 2 long hospitalizations.

I hate mixed states. I spent years like this. So much depression and agitation, dangerous behavior, and doing things I regret. I hate it how infrequent happy hypomanias are, and how there is always a cost when they do happen.

I hate feeling like I am going in circles, and like depression is the only thing that's real. I hate not trusting my own emotions and reactions when I am well but anxious, but trusting them totally when I am very unwell and acting impulsively. It feels like I can never make right all the things that have gone wrong.

I hate the stigma and discrimination. I hate feeling like I'm different and not as good as other people.

I hate being self-destructive. At the worst points, this looks like obsession with suicide, and at other times it looks like substance abuse or promiscuity. I don't have much regard for my own safety when I'm not well.

I hate constant anxiety, worrying that others will find out or that I have said or done something wrong.

I hate having to be on medication that flattens my mood, reduces my creativity, and makes me shy and withdrawn. But the alternative is worse, so I take the pills.

This illness has isolated me in a lot of ways since I've been treated. My last major episode damaged some of my friendships beyond repair, and now people view me as mentally ill and less credible. Before treatment I had a lot more confidence, now I second guess everything I think and feel.

There is more, but this is what comes to mind right now.

So there is a lot that is really difficult, but I can't etier be sure what parts are caused by bipolar because it seems to affect everything. I can't imagine life any other way. What I love about it is that I have more of a capacity to feel things intensely. I am very sensitive to everything, which is a blessing and a curse.

The depression for me. I get soooo low. It is definitely the worst part. Mixed can be medicated away pretty quick but depression takes longer to treat and is more difficult. I hate how much it interferes with my life and my work. I hate turning into a crying hopeless case. I feel like such a failure.

Hi - Boy, that is one of my pet peeves: the constant changing of meds, every time I get hospitalized or my insurance changes. Also, they do it just...like you said, "because." Also, my wife is about to pull her hair out because she does not understand what is happening half the time.

I hate never being able to sleep normally. I either sleep wayyy too much, or barely at all, depending on which mood I'm in. I don't seem to have a "normal" mood anymore, Just depressed or hypo. If affects everything. It's just exhausting, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

That pretty much sums it up for me.

Being told you have to take meds for the rest of your life.

Doing something out of line and not being able to control myself. The delusional thoughts, and intrusive thoughts which tell me to harm myself. The depression which completely floors me - fortunately it's not came around yet. I suppose as well family - who aren't used to seeing me in one mood or the other as I try to hide it, or it's too recent for them to have properly seen - telling me I'm not ill, and that I'm making it up/am too eager to put a label on myself.

"It is just a mood disorder, what is so hard about that?"

anxiety and paranoia.

Well hey...you aren't alone there. I feel like that all the time. It's like a wearing a mask. My boyfriend thinks he gets me but he doesnt. I feel so alone that its crippling.

1. People(especially family) not understanding what it's like to not be able to get a grip on your mind.

2. How hard it is to focus on anything because your thoughts are coming in a mile a minute.

3. The anxiety being around people causes.


Sorry, but it was a 3 way tie.

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~ fearing that no one is safe around you given a long enough time
~ watching loved ones being scared of you / for you
~ knowing your not going to survive after at ...
~ surviving after age ... And some how still feeling you failed for surviving

Knowing that there isnt a cure. It will be with me forever.

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...being told to "just read your Bible and pray more" (especially by people who are more miserable than you)

YOU ARE SO ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ABOUT BEING STIMATIZED AND MARGINALIZED because you're bipolar. I was viciously victimized by my then wife and the police wouldn't even talk to me about it, much less investigate. You se, we're "non-persons" just like the Jews in Nazi Germany, or the slaves before the Civil War. And of course the word is out there that we suffer delusional thoughts and beliefs, so we deserve no credibility. YOU COULDN'T BE MORE CORRECT!!!!!!

Doing the same things in your depression that you do in your mania, but for different "reasons."

....the mixed episodes.....

.......people wondering if you're on something because you're so lethargic from depression, or "hyped up" from being manic....

...your thoughts racing so fast and blurring together during your mania, that you can't talk right or focus on what anyone is saying to you......

.....when you try to explain to someone what a manic episode is like for you and they almost don't believe you because they've only seen you during a depressive or "in-between" state; or vica-versa......some people wondering if you have a "split personality" because they've seen you at your worst during both episodes, and have seen you at the "in-betweens" so you come across like 2 or 3 different people

This is right on for me. Between this in the form of intrusive thoughts, agitation, laughing uncontrollably, and so forth, I sometimes think I am going to lose it. A few months ago I was about to check myself into a psych hospital.

One waitress called it "jumping out of my socks". She also said that she liked me better that way! LOL

tucson

Always second guessing happy moments, wondering if the penny going to drop & I'm going to realise I'm actually super manic and I've made a fool of myself again.

People expecting you to be able to turn the other cheek when someone says something really offensive and small-minded to you while you're in a protracted hypomanic episode and generally want to rip people's heads off. I think I did very well, considering the circumstances.

Exactly!!! People don't really get it and it makes you feel so alone and misunderstood.

So feel you, when I'm functioning normally I'm a dynamo. Huge difference from where I am when I'm down (now) and people just can't get it. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to understand this thing I battle with. I feel so misunderstood.

Normalcy is what I crave, but I just want to feel good about myself. This disorder makes that very difficult for me.

I appreciate all of your posts!