[Caleesie18]

I was diagnosed with bp (don't remember which one) over 2 years ago. My entire life I just thought I was depressed with occasional bouts of happiness thrown in. I never knew what bp really was and had no clue that I had it. I also avoid. My mom always told me I just lack motivation and always put things off til the last minute because I'm lazy.

At the time I was diagnosed, my life was literally going to hell. I had a horrible time doing anything. I started having really bad anxiety attacks so I tried to stay home as much as I could. When I had to go out, I would avoid places that were really busy and did my grocery shopping at night when it was the least busy.

My therapist suggested that I apply for SSI, which I did. A few months later I moved to Indiana. I've been here almost 2 years and I haven't found any doctors or therapists yet. I've done everything SS wanted me to do, as far as see their specialist and all that, but they have still denied every appeal.

I have an administrative hearing on Tuesday the 11th and I am really freaking out. I don't have an attorney, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or say. I tried to get an attorney, but none will even talk to me because I don't have a doctor. I feel like such a failure. I have nothing right now, I live in a house my mom owns and she gives me $100 a month to spend which half goes for the internet bill and the rest is not even enough to get by on, especially with a young child to care for. I NEED SSI so badly, but I still couldn't force myself to do what I needed to do for it.

So I have to go to this hearing alone. The worst part is that I can't even explain how I'm feeling most of the time. My thoughts are just a big jumbled mess and I usually forget half of the stuff that goes on with me when I have to actually put it in words. I'm so lost right now and I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that I might as well not go since they are going to deny me anyway. I mean I'm using my gas money for grocery shopping to get there, which means I have no idea how I'm even going to get to the store later. I've already had it postponed once, and they told me they would only do it one time to give me time to find an attorney. But I can't just not go, right? I've spent 2 years doing this and stressing over it, I can't just give up. But do I even have a chance?

So I guess my questions for you guys are

1. How do I explain how horrible my life is when I can't even put my feelings into words most of the time?
2. Is there any other way I can buy more time so I can try to get a doctor and attorney? I think if I can get it postponed again, that will buy me a few months to do this.
3. Do I have a chance at actually winning? I don't have a lot of history as far as medications or hospitalizations, or even doctors for that matter.
4. If they deny me this time, what is my next step? Can I appeal it again, and what happens next if I do?

[MagicsMom]

I'm so sorry. I'm applying for SSD but I have an Advocator, medical records, and medications. I know you probably won't get approved without a medical history and doctor.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Hugs to you!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm going to pm you

[jack123]

I am struggling with whether to apply for disability or keep trying. I am a nurse so if I do my career as a nurse is gone forever. This latest episode is the worst I have ever been just no S attempt this time. I continue to try I have T apt tomorrow and going to try that one more time. I know I can get a job when I get better just need time to figure it all out and need my insurance

[MagicsMom]

Just because you're a nurse and you go on disability - your career is not ruined forever. I used to work in Human Resources and your medical history is private and if you not get a job or get terminated the company is in big trouble.

[Curiosity77]

I'm also a nurse, and I was off on short term disability for 6 months 2 years ago. I was approve for long term disability, but I went back to work so I never did that. I'm working full time again now, and I have been for about 15 months. If I get sick again I'll have to reapply for disability. When I came back to work I was put on a mental health monitoring program for 3 years, which is humiliating, but I was able to go back to work. My situation is a little bit complicated, I don't think they monitor everyone. If I make it to the 3 year mark, which is in 14 months, I will no longer be monitored. The monitoring would only start again if I get hospitalized, which I will never do again. Anyways, my point is there are hoops to jump through, but you can return to work after a period of disability.

[BipolaRNurse]

Wow.....a lot of nurses here.

I just want to add that the idea that the ADA protects us from being terminated due to mental illness is a MYTH. It didn't do a thing for me when my employer refused to make reasonable accommodations for my illness, even though one was only temporary! It was clear that I couldn't do the job without those accommodations, but the company's office-full of lawyers had already decided that they would pose "undue hardship" and I was let go.

All my pdoc and I asked for were a couple of quiet, uninterrupted work hours each day, the continuation of my four-day work week, and a short period of time when high-stress confrontations could be dealt with by other managers so I could get back on my feet emotionally. Hardly what I'd consider undue hardship, especially since I was a hard worker and had been there for quite some time; but that's what they called it and they didn't even TRY to work with me.

I suppose I could've fought it, but I had neither the resources nor the will to slog through the long process of filing suit with the EEOC, let alone a court battle, and besides....what would I have gotten out of it? My job? Why ever would I have wanted to go back to work for people who'd kicked me while I was down? Back pay would've been nice, but it wasn't worth the emotional damage the fight would have inflicted. So I let it go, but my faith in the ADA was shot to hell because there's always going to be some smart corporate lawyer who gets paid to find ways around the law.

[MagicsMom]

Sorry that happened to you but the ADA is not a myth. If you had fought through the EEOC you might have had a very different outcome. Most companies will offer a settlement rather than going through the courts because it cost them way too much money. Again, before I got sick, I worked in Humn Resources for 15 years and I never saw a company go through a fight if the employee went to the EEOC. They might make you think you're going to court but settle before then.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

I'm also a nurse, and I was off on short term disability for 6 months 2 years ago. I was approve for long term disability, but I went back to work so I never did that. I'm working full time again now, and I have been for about 15 months. If I get sick again I'll have to reapply for disability. When I came back to work I was put on a mental health monitoring program for 3 years, which is humiliating, but I was able to go back to work. My situation is a little bit complicated, I don't think they monitor everyone. If I make it to the 3 year mark, which is in 14 months, I will no longer be monitored. The monitoring would only start again if I get hospitalized, which I will never do again. Anyways, my point is there are hoops to jump through, but you can return to work after a period of disability.

Interesting. The biggest mistake I made was to not go back to work as quickly as possible. But this turned out to mean at least a few years before I was able to work. A couple years later, I crashed again and it has been hell on and off until recently.

Please tell me more about this mental health monitoring program. This may be a good or bad thing for me. In other words, while on this program, if I fail, will this mean I can quickly be placed on disability again?

So I have been on SSDI all this time for several years now. I want to go back to work and be totally responsible for my life again. But I do not understand the "hoops" I will have to jump through. Also I do not want to risk forfeiting my disability if in a year or two I have serious problems again. I think reapplying is a risky thing to do considering how many people are turned down for SSDI.

tucson

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by r010159

Interesting. The biggest mistake I made was to not go back to work as quickly as possible. But this turned out to mean at least a few years before I was able to work. A couple years later, I crashed again and it has been hell on and off until recently.

Please tell me more about this mental health monitoring program. This may be a good or bad thing for me. In other words, while on this program, if I fail, will this mean I can quickly be placed on disability again?

So I have been on SSDI all this time for several years now. I want to go back to work and be totally responsible for my life again. But I do not understand the "hoops" I will have to jump through. Also I do not want to risk forfeiting my disability if in a year or two I have serious problems again. I think reapplying is a risky thing to do considering how many people are turned down for SSDI.

tucson

You do not want the monitoring. It is awful. What happened with me was that I used hard drugs for 3 days while in a mixed state and suicidal. I ended up getting certified, and where I live if a nurse gets certified it gets reported to the college immediately, and they open a disciplinary file and suspend your license. I was on a stress leave when this happened, so I was not putting any patients at risk, but that didn't matter. Anyway, because I had done drugs for 3 days, they decided I was a drug addict, so made me go to rehab and they put me on a strict contract for mental health and addictions. I have random urine tests twice a month, biweekly meetings with a case manager, mandatory psychiatrist appointments and she has to sign off on my med compliance, and I'm required to prove attendance at twelve 12 step meetings per month. I am required to meet with an occ health nurse quarterly and she gets reports about my mental health from the head of the department I work for - these reports must be sent to the college. If I don't comply 100% I will be suspended again, and the college will publish me on their website as being disciplined. If I get hospitalized again, I am suspended. If the case manager feels my mood is unstable, I get suspended. My pdoc tried to write letters to advocate for me that this was unnecessary and bad for me. She was confident she could manage my care without all of this. But when she tried to advocate, the hospital tried to place me on extended leave, which means you remain certified after discharge and you can be brought back to hospital by police if you are noncompliant. The reason they wanted to do this was because if I was on extended leave I would be forced to see a different pdoc, so my pdoc that knows me well would have to transfer my case. I contacted mental health law, and the extended leave was canceled, but everything else remained.

Monitoring does not ensure that I would get disability if i need it. I would have to reapply and might or might not receive it. You do NOT want to be on the radar of your college, you do not want to be monitored. It's horrible. Do whatever you possibly can to avoid it, and find out if hospitalization would result in you being reported. If it would, I recommend not going to a hospital if at all possible.

Sorry for the long reply... just wanted to warn you about what can happen

[Caleesie18]

Does anyone else have suggestions or answers to my questions? My hearing is tomorrow. I'm going to call today and beg and plead for them to postpone it, but I'm so afraid they won't. I did get a pm from you Miguel'smom, but I can't reply to it. I am interested in this partial hospitalization, I don't know who I need to call, but I will try to find out.

[Victoria'smom]

After five posts you should be able to respond to me. I can help you find a php program but I need an area to look in and that's private so PM is more appropriate.

[r010159]

Try to postpone the appointment. Then get a lawyer. They get a percentage of what you will be awarded. So lack of money is no excuse.

tucson

[otroo]

Does anyone know if getting a lawyer guarantee getting benefits?

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[r010159]

Originally Posted by otroo

Does anyone know if getting a lawyer guarantee getting benefits?

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Nothing guarantees benefits. Otherwise there would be widespread abuse. But it has been my experience that a good lawyer increases the odds substantially and makes the whole process much easier. Since it costs nothing, I think this is a "no brainer". JMHO

tucson