Miserable

I am sitting here thinking about how much I dislike my life. I really wish I didn't have to do this anymore. I mean it's the same damn thing every single day. I have two children with ADHD and anxiety disorder. My daughter has ODD and my son is either has high functioning autism or rapid cycling bipolar. My kids need extra help all the time and I usually have all the patience in the world for them which means I have absolutely none for anyone else. With all my physical health issues and mean to health issues i feel like all I have been doing lately is treading water and I am tired and ready to drown. I think about how nice it would be to go to sleep and never wake up but I am single mom and all they have. I do know for an absolute certainty if I did not have kids I would od on heroin so face and just end it all. Sometimes I wonder why God intervened the past times I tried to end my life because I just didn't want to suffer anymore. P

Your children can make all the difference in the world, if you let them. My daughter is the sun in my life right now. Despite her problems in being a teenager. Her mood swings! No help from her mother. I am taking care of my demented mother. Then there is my daughter who still helps makes my life worth living.

IMHO apparently God has other plans for you.

Best wishes!

It's strange to hear you say that because that is what always comes to mind when I feel so low I want to try and commit suicide again. I have tried to commit suicide four times before I had children. Some way, some how someone has intervened and saved my life. Especially the last time I had it planned for days, I waited till my brother went to work, we were roommates, and I had called out of work sick and I had all my loose ends tied up or so I thought anyway. My aunt happened to call my job to ask me a question and when they said I was out sick she called my cell which went right to voicemail. For some reason she decided to drive to my house. She had never been to my house before and she lived about thirty minutes away. She said she just had this bad feeling and decided to get in her car and drive to my house heck she even had to call my father at work for directions. Now why did she do that when she had never even been there before. I always saw that as God. I just assumed he must have a plan for me that I need to carry out first and when I pray everyday I ask him to show me what that plan is and I am still waiting for my answer.