What should I do?

I have a wonderful therapist. She is married to a man, I am married to a man. I think I am falling in love with her. Do you think this sounds like hypomania (my hubs is saying I'm hypomanic, I just think I am feeling better)? Normally I can talk to my therapist about anything but I clearly can't talk about this with her. And, I'm afraid if I am hypomanic I may blurt it out or do something even worse. What do you think? What should I do? I don't think I've ever had extramarital feelings for any other person.

Romantic feelings toward a therapist are pretty common. It makes sense, because the relationship can be so intimate. It might be something you can discuss with her as part of therapy, but that depends on your comfort and the type of therapy you are doing. You might be getting hypomanic and hypersexual, and if so, it would make sense that you would have feelings toward someone who you are close to. My point is, you are not abnormal for having these kinds of thoughts, but acting on the thoughts would obviously be a mistake.

Do you think it is a different sort of love (like that of a friendship)? You might feel that you love her as she has been helping you and giving you a lot of support.

I had similar feelings for my therapist, and wondered what was going on, but soon realised that my feelings were nothing more than appreciation for her and what she had done for me...

Has anything like this happened before? What is it about her that you find appealing?

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Transference is extremely common and not 'abnormal' at all. What's called the "therapeutic alliance" between a mental health professional and a client is a very complex relationship; obviously there's an imbalance in power, and yet you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable with this person. I don't think there's any other kind of relationship with this dynamic, and gender probably doesn't figure in as much as you might think.

FWIW, my own pdoc is one of the most interesting people I've ever met, and if we weren't doctor and patient, we'd probably the best of friends because we have the same tastes and the same weird sense of humor. He is extremely attractive to me because he challenges me at every turn and doesn't hesitate to say No to me. I don't have many other people in my life who do that, and fewer still who get away with it.

It took me awhile to sort all this out, but it's NOT a romantic or sexual attraction; it's an intellectual one, and I also admire him because he has such rich and varied approaches to life and its problems. Perhaps your situation with your therapist is along similar lines?

Besides, thoughts aren't actions.....they're just thoughts. I don't think you're necessarily hypomanic because you're having them.

The emotions feel sexually driven, although I've seen her for 5 months and these feelings are just now arising. I am considering all of your input and the love aspect makes perfect sense. However, I have fantasized about leaving my husband and taking the kids and her leaving hers, etc. But, it is just a fantasy. How horrible of me to fantasize about leaving my husband who I love and want nothing more than to spend my life with! It is a crazy idea. Like I said, I fear if I am hypomanic and this escalates I will say something to her or even to my husband and screw it up with either of them. My hubs won't leave unless I act, which I can't imagine I ever would, but I've never had such strong feelings in the 8 years we've been married. I have, when manic, joked (although half way serious at the time) that I wanted to leave him for a woman. He was shell-shocked to hear that from me, his normally conservative wife. Maybe she is just the perfect person for me to project these feelings onto and that is all that is happening. I just feel so attracted to her in so many ways.

I agree, transference is normal and you have such an intimate relationship with you pdoc that it often feels like this.

Personally, I think you may be hypo, I know I am hypo when I start to seriously consider what it would be like to run away with Zooey Deschannel!

Go and tell your husband you love him x