[tigersassy]

I'm feeling overwhelmed. Am I manic am I mixed am I depressed? Does it even matter what is wrong with me? Am I falling apart? Am I experiencing on the same continuum? Have I lost the essence of me? No silly you can't lose your essence. Why do I have to interrupt and be the center of attention? Why do I feel that I'm forced to live this life as a prisoner to my emotions?
I hate that my wife has to deal with this so new into our marriage. I'm worn down and tired. I fight to stay afloat. I've always been "emotional" my parents said (there were other choice words involved as my parents were abusive). Can I keep a hold of my sanity when I'm on a roller coaster for weeks at a time? I mean how can I keep a hold on myself when my self changes with these mood changes? I don't know what to do to keep myself centered and focusing on the good things. I talked to my psych nurse today. I just needed someone to ground me before I scorch my wings on the sun. To avoid the sudden fall back to the earth. Stay positive. I'm positive that I can't escape the turmoil of my brain. I do these things sometimes and act so unlike myself, why?

Tig

[wildflowerchild25]

Ah I wrote some...sort of coherent ramblings today during a meeting I couldn't concentrate on and I allud to my wings always melting off.

I cant say for certain but I can tell yo I follow a fairly predictable pattern - depressed, hypo, manic, mixed. And from what I have followed here it seems you might too. It is exhausting! I know you have a pdoc intake in late april yes? Just try your hardest to hold on until then.

[tigersassy]

Yep. I got asked today if I thought I needed intensive outpatient help by my nurse until my psychiatrist appointment on April 21. I said no. It would probably take too long to find one covered by insurance. Thanks for responding. It means a lot to know I'm not alone in this fight.

Tig

[curly_top]

Hi, Tig. I don't really have any advice but wanted to let you know that you definitely aren't alone. I have been where you are many times. You seem like a very thoughtful person. I assume from your post that you are getting help and seeing a doctor. I find that a regular routine, talk therapy and taking my medication really helps me. Hang in there.

[tigersassy]

Talk therapy has never really helped me much, but that could just be because of my moods. Get all gung ho when I'm up then mixed hits or depression and I feel like I'm stuck. I try to keep a fairly consistent routine, but working retail makes that difficult sometimes. Especially with all the changes happening right now. I do try to be thoughtful. Once again depends on my mood. It seems everything depends on my mood (has as well). But I think I'm going to sleep now.

Tig