This isn't directly in the bipolar category, but I think that people on this forum seem quite sharp about mental illness in general so this seems like the best place to post this. I am concerned about my declining functioning and mental health problems. I started off as a kid full of hope and promise, someone who was very studious yet very socially skilled. I had it all you could say. Then, in my adolescence the madness crept in and I did not even realize it. I began to hang with the wrong crowd, drink excessively, and act like a complete idiot. All the while, I had many bizarre ideas about the world and myself, some of which I believed with complete or near complete certainty. As time went on, my performance in school went downhill and although I had a mild case of ADHD all along, it began to seriously negatively impact on my life. In college, I began to hang with the wrong crowd and use hard drugs. Now, after I have gotten away from drugs and am attempting to return to being a studious and bright young adult, everything is falling apart in front of me and I sometimes feel powerless to stop my bizarre and often grandiose ideas. Today I thought somebody in my program at school was sent by a former friend to sabotage me. I feared that he had worldwide connections and would screw me over no matter where I went or what I did. I felt he was tracking me and that there was no escape. I have had ideas like this before for brief periods like I did today over the years and clung to them more so than today, but I have to say that today's insanity has made me wonder about my mental health a bit. I feel that I really want to get things together, but that's hard when you are essentially in a different mental place than 99% of the world. Most people with mental illnesses aren't "crazy", just have a problem psychologically. However, I fear that I may just be plain bonkers

[Standup2me]

Have you seen a pdoc?

What was the outcome?

You need to see a pdoc.

Well, it certainly sounds like you are experiencing some paranoia. Have you looked at descriptions of bipolar symptoms or schizophrenia symptoms here on pc? If you recognize any of them in yourself, your next step would be to see either a therapist or psychiatrist. I personally prefer a psychologist for therapy. A psychiatrist prescribes medicine.

I don't have any symptoms of either of those things to speak of, other than paranoia and a some grandiosity thrown in here and there. I am ultimately able to tell if my overt actions are truly irrational and "nuts" so I do not act on any of my distorted ideas and am always eventually able to sort out that the ideas I experience are "crazy" so I am not truly delusional or anything. However, my ideas and perceptions can really get quite nuts, like what happened today.

[Trippin2.0]

If you check the Personality Place subforum, you'll find a section called Paranoid Personality Disorder...

Idk if it gets any traffic but you may want to check out any information shared in that section, especially the sticky (consists of information and symptoms etc) which you'll find right at the top.

What kind of drugs were you taking? Have you looked into psychological consequences of taking those drugs? Especially at a young age?

It does sound like paranoia which is a symptom of many mental illnesses and can be a result of drug abuse. Finding a therapist may be really helpful to you, before you start developing any other symptoms.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Supanova

What kind of drugs were you taking? Have you looked into psychological consequences of taking those drugs? Especially at a young age?

It does sound like paranoia which is a symptom of many mental illnesses and can be a result of drug abuse. Finding a therapist may be really helpful to you, before you start developing any other symptoms.

I agree with the part of mental illness and drug abuse. I also think many therapists will not take this person unless they commit to remaining clean of drugs.

Originally Posted by Steve223

This isn't directly in the bipolar category, but I think that people on this forum seem quite sharp about mental illness in general so this seems like the best place to post this. I am concerned about my declining functioning and mental health problems. I started off as a kid full of hope and promise, someone who was very studious yet very socially skilled. I had it all you could say. Then, in my adolescence the madness crept in and I did not even realize it. I began to hang with the wrong crowd, drink excessively, and act like a complete idiot. All the while, I had many bizarre ideas about the world and myself, some of which I believed with complete or near complete certainty. As time went on, my performance in school went downhill and although I had a mild case of ADHD all along, it began to seriously negatively impact on my life. In college, I began to hang with the wrong crowd and use hard drugs. Now, after I have gotten away from drugs and am attempting to return to being a studious and bright young adult, everything is falling apart in front of me and I sometimes feel powerless to stop my bizarre and often grandiose ideas. Today I thought somebody in my program at school was sent by a former friend to sabotage me. I feared that he had worldwide connections and would screw me over no matter where I went or what I did. I felt he was tracking me and that there was no escape. I have had ideas like this before for brief periods like I did today over the years and clung to them more so than today, but I have to say that today's insanity has made me wonder about my mental health a bit. I feel that I really want to get things together, but that's hard when you are essentially in a different mental place than 99% of the world.

In a research study, mood disorders developed in over 25% of people who began abusing substances in adolescence and young adulthood (this was cited in the BPHope magazine). Similarly, other mental conditions such as psychosis and schizophrenia can be triggered by drug abuse. Unfortunately these effects remain even after you stop using substances. The fact that you have ADHD would have made you more vulnerable.

Most people with mental illnesses aren't "crazy", just have a problem psychologically. However, I fear that I may just be plain bonkers

You're not "bonkers" - you too have a psychological, and possibly physiological, problem.

_____

As others have suggested, you ought to discuss your experiences with your psychologist and psychiatrist. Since they have your detailed mental history, they'll be able to suggest more accurately what's going on.

[Victoria'smom]

am always eventually able to sort out that the ideas I experience are "crazy" so I am not truly delusional or anything. Apparently you can be delusional and know it. Honestly because your in college now use your resources. See what's available. Ask the therapist if they test for mental illness. If they do start there. If not ask deal with thoughts of grandiose. If not ask for a referral. Have the therapist make an appointment for you. Do NOT leave that office without a follow up appointment. If you do you'll most likely shrug it off for later and later will be years.

[outlaw sammy]

YOU ARE NOT BONKERS! Your post is lucid, reasonable, and very insightful - these characteristics tend to suggest that you are currently quite sane. Your ah-hell-ah-vah more self-aware of your mental states than I ever was through high school and college and career thereafter. Sure, I knew something was drastically wrong with my behaviors (that incidentally were nearly identical to your descriptions), but I was terrified of finding out that I might be "mentally ill." It was easier to pretend everything was fine - but there comes a time when the sufferer can no longer look away - and that's usually following a major tragedy. Don't wait for disaster to force you to deal with your mental illness - by then, it may be too late.

Thanks everybody, but I really do not think I'm crazy. Just different from everyone else and why does it have to be pathologized. I got a little unneccessarily worried. I know I am not nuts, not in the least. More sane than most people in fact.