[Resident Bipolar]

A month and a half ago (maybe more, maybe less) I had an intense feeling that my dad was going to kill me when I next went in the car with him. So for the first time in my life, I took a knife out with me in my bag just in case he attacked me and tried to kill me.

This was while I was medicated. I recently decided to stop taking my medication. I haven't had an appointment with pdoc since January time and I'm getting another appointment soon. If I tell her I did this and this happened, would i get sent off to inpatient psych ward?

I'm worried about disclosing this level of paranoia and taking a weapon out with me because of that. Maybe it's best I keep it to myself?

[SillyKitty]

I don't know whether it would get you sent to inpatient, but you should def discuss these thoughts and deciding to go med free with her. Some meds need to be taper down before stopping altogether. These thoughts could escalate, and it's best your pdoc know.

[Marshellette]

No maybe med free is better.

[r010159]

I think if you are in no immediate danger to yourself and others, any time spent in inpatient would be voluntary.

[TheatreKid]

I agree that usually inpatient is reserved for immediate danger. It might help to talk to your pdoc about going off of meds as well as the paranoia, to help keep it under control so you *don't* end up inpatient. The safest way to get off meds is with a pdoc's support, too.

[Victoria'smom]

Here's how my team works it. Is it in the past? What did I do to keep myself and others safe? What did I learn from the incident? What would I be willing to do next time to keep myself safe or end the incident faster? Am I able to take my PRN when these things happen? Who do I trust completely to reach out to no matter what?
I'm suppose to find a reality check that works.

[wildflowerchild25]

Yes it was awhile ago and unless you feel the same the day you see the pdoc they won't hold it against you.

[live2ski66]

I am pro medications so I would never quit unless it was pre-planned by my doc and myself. I would definitely tell your doctor about the meds and the incident. Chances are your doc will not hospitalize you if you have no symptoms and it was in the past. Your doc may want to keep in touch with you more frequently to make sure there are no relapses. IMHO, I would not wait until the next incident to ask for help and tell my doctor. One never knows what happens in such situations, it may be you won't have the wherewithal to ask for help and a tragedy occurs. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Here's how my team works it. Is it in the past? What did I do to keep myself and others safe? What did I learn from the incident? What would I be willing to do next time to keep myself safe or end the incident faster? Am I able to take my PRN when these things happen? Who do I trust completely to reach out to no matter what?
I'm suppose to find a reality check that works.

That sounds like a really good approach!
Regarding inpatient, I agree that it is a matter of "presently" when it comes to being a danger to oneself or others. About keeping it to yourself… You know it's true that they can only do their best when they have all the information. But we know that isn't always easy. I'm totally guilty of withholding information, so don't want to be a hypocrite. But perhaps to see it through the filter of MM's series of questions would make a good approach?? I don't know, just a thought (and I might not be making sense! Mind's burdened tonight.).

Here's a question. Let's remove inpatient from the equation… Does that help in how you feel about talking about it?

[Resident Bipolar]

It's mostly all because I'm not good at the whole "trust" thing and I dont believe my pdoc has made necessarily good decisions in the past. Just because of the taking a weapon out, I think she'd take it in the wrong way and have a huge overreaction as she normally does.

[Perplex010]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

It's mostly all because I'm not good at the whole "trust" thing and I dont believe my pdoc has made necessarily good decisions in the past. Just because of the taking a weapon out, I think she'd take it in the wrong way and have a huge overreaction as she normally does.

I really don't think you should tell her. Remember that their first priority is covering their arses - so if you allude to doing (or having done) anything dangerous (and taking a weapon out due to paranoia most certainly constitutes this) then she will panic. I've said similar things to psychiatrists before - and it never ends well. Instead, I suggest you tell her in a non-specific way that you've had paranoia, which led to you having dangerous thoughts, but you know not to act on them. That way she can be assured you are safe, and that you simultaneously have the required "insight". That is, unless you wanted to go inpatient? However, I don't think that their vested interest to help patients really extends beyond giving out medication, so she will probably suggest you take medication for this.

[Victoria'smom]

Think back, what was the likelihood of mistaking one of his movements for an attack?
What is the likelihood of you actually stabbing him?
Your accessibility( time it would take) to get to the weapon?
Would the weapon cause your dad grave danger, did it just look like it could ( a couple of stitches vs. We don't know if he'll make it)?

This all says whether you were able to unknowingly take precautions to prevent harm. Your pdoc needs to know that stuff.

To prevent it from becoming worse
Are you willing to restart your meds?
Do you have a safe person or place?
Likelihood of this type of thing happening again before next time?

[lonelychick]

It's easy for me to tell someone else to be honest with their pdoc/t, but I'm terrible at it myself. I'm the queen of bringing stuff up but dancing around the main issue or giving details, especially when I think there's a possibility the details will land me inpatient. I'd probably say something like, "A few weeks ago, I had an episode where I was worried someone was going to hurt me." That way she knows there was an instance of paranoia, but you leave out the part about the knife. I do stuff like this with my T all the time, which is why I'm sitting on my couch typing this instead of somewhere inpatient right now. Hope things work out for you!