[Lulubell]

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation and might have advice or comfort. I was diagnosed three years ago and though times were really bad before that I have worked SO hard to get better and take care of myself. I have been totally sober, I eat super healthy and take my meds an go to therapy. Blah blah blah. I have a job and outwardly appear quite high functioning. My issue is that after living in my own space for a while I have moved in with my boyfriend. We have shared a space for 6 months now. He knows about my illness and is very supportive in many ways. I love him. He's great. The problem is that I feel...exhausted and smothered, sometimes to the point where when he touches me I want to scream. It's not that he is clingy, it's just that I am literally so used up from carrying out the task of basic emotional survival that I don't have anything left to provide him a decent level of affection. I want to! I just miss the days when I had my own place and could lock out the world for as long as I had to in order to feel okay again, a place where nobody needed anything from me. We are struggling because of it. I am 27 and I feel really sad that most days I think I should sets my sights on the single life, in my own apartment with a small dog, because so many days I go out into the world, smile and kick ***, but at the end of the day there is nothing left but irritability, exhaustion and negativity. Has anybody felt this way and overcome it?

[wildflowerchild25]

I haven't overcome it but I feel exactly the same way. I have a three year old so I get NO time to myself except my drive to work. I have a very stressful job and afterward i really need time alone to recoup but I don't get it. It makes me irritable and angry toward my husband and I hate it. I know I'm being unreasonably mean and yet I can't stop.

No words of advice but wanted to offer understanding.

[outlaw sammy]

You are a woman - and I am not. Still, I too can identify with your need to have that sanctuary of peace and isolation. I am recently divorced, but while I was married for fourteen years, I insisted in having my own bedroom. I'm a very affectionate person, but there are times when I'd rather have my space. No one can tell you what's best for you in this instance, you have to decide for yourself. However, it appears that you have already decided what you need, and are now looking for approval from those who have experienced the same feelings and thoughts. As I always say to myself, "Take care of yourself first."

[ManicIcarus]

I think it's important for anyone who enjoys solitude to make time for it. I know having a significant other can make that difficult, but it is something you have to make time for.

My question is, have you told him you need some space? If not, tell him. I mean also tell him it's not that you dislike being around him or anything like that, but that you just need some time to unwind by yourself once and a while.

That's my two cents anyways.

[minus]

If your relationship is important enough to you to keep, I'd recommend making some adjustments that will give you what you need and hopefully some of what he needs. I also really need alone time--I can get irritable and snappy and downright ugly if I don't get any time to myself. My husband and mom know this and are really good about allowing me that. It's something I build into my days, and my support system understands that sometimes I'm going to say I just need to be left alone. It's ok to need that and it's ok to give that to yourself. Maybe your own room or some time set aside for you to be alone will help. Be careful that you're not isolating--that's a common thing for a lot of us and there's a fine line between needing alone time and choosing to isolate. One is healthy, the other is not.

[MagicsMom]

My husband is very understanding about me needing to be alone. We're both disabled and together 24/7 but he has his video games and I spend at least 3 hours in my room a day or on my deck. It works for us. I would be honest and just explain the need for some time to yourself.