Coping with bipolar/ptsd parent

My father is Dx bipolar and ptsd. He has been affected by it in waves for as long as I have known him. When he start's feeling "off" or is triggered by a traumatic event he becomes manic and begins drinking to "cope" with his mental state. He veers on and off his meds at this point and is very unpredictable and prone to outbursts and mood swings all over the map. It has been difficult dealing with his personality throughout my life. He has had pockets of stability that last years only to succumb to another episode which can last a year, two or more at a time. As a kid I always just wanted the "normal" 9-5 TV dad and used to tell grand stories about my absentee father.... Now that I have a family of my own I am unable to excuse or tolerate his erratic behavior, outbursts and unpredictability around my home. I have tried to get him help through the VA hospital and have appealed to him to do whatever it takes to get back"on track" so he can be a part of his family's life again. ( before this last episode began back in Feb. 06 he was a loving, doting grandfather and a big part of everyone's life for 6 years straight.) He refuses to accept his condition and does nothing but revert all conversations back to a sum of money that is contested between us from some old utility bills. I tried to straighten out those bills last year and was in the final stage of doing so and he instructed me NOT to do so'"that the VA was going to clean them up ... " Soon after he came into some $$ and stayed out of touch for almost 5 mos.
He has torn through over$15,000 of an inheritance this past summer gambling and drinking and the like and now that these funds have been exhausted he is once again surfacing and looking to "get what he has coming."
I refuse to provide any financial fuel to enable him to propel himself further down his road to ruin. His health is in the toilet and he refuses to see a correlation between his life of excess and his failing health.
If it were I alone I could deal with this man, as I have known this "character" my whole life. But it has impacted my family and at times terrorized them and my neighbors, and for that reason he has been instructed by myself and the authorities to stay away from my home.
I bumped into him at the store today and after a "hello and howyadoin " the conversation deteriorated into the usual arguements about $ and my appeals for him to seek and FOLLOW THROUGH with whatever treatment that will get him well.

As this once well groomed, meticulous, detail oriented man rode away disheveled and unshaven on his hand-me-down old style bicycle, his pockets stuffed with random papers and notes with wild agendas, all I could do was call out " hope you have a decent holiday, whatever you do, and I love you." I parked my vehicle, and shed some tears, then dried them and drove home to my family... the same family who shared the holidays with smiles this time last year with this same man.

Goodnight all.

oh, breezer......i hurt for you and your family and especially your dad. he is in a prison in his head and therefore doesn't see the reality of what he is putting his family through.

i think it is excellent that he is banned from your home. having him around could only add undue anxiety and fear to your family. even though it hurts you so much to not see him well, it's better that you aren't seeing him in the shape he is in.

it must have been so painful to see him as he was at that store. but there isn't anything that you can do to change that. hopefully, something will happen that will trigger a mode of behavior in him that will direct him to once again seek help.

you're in my thoughts today........love, pat

(((breezer)))

PTSD does not get better on its own. Your dad needs therapy treatment.

The drinking to self medicate is an old standby, especially for men, as it appears more acceptable. It is a depressant though, and makes things worse, as you have experienced.

PTSD is a medical disorder, not an emotional one (only?) and maybe if shown to him that way, he will seek medical treatment? I hope so!

TC

Dear Breezer,

I am so sorry you are having to contend with this. What an uproar your father has caused for years! There has got to be a breaking point where he gets arrested or something and is required to get treatment through the courts. You are certainly being a great son and you have done the right thing by making restrictions on his visits to your home. I hope one day soon that he will seek help on his own. Best Wishes for 2007.

Yeah, being a "townie" and a Vietnam Veteran as well as having the ability to "jump through hoops" as necessary with clinical and mental health professionals, he is somehow able to avoid taking responsibility for his condition and often gets a "free pass" from the local law and tells his doctors just what they want to hear to keep himself "out there." His grandiosity is such that although I may break it down for him as eloquently, gently and compassionately as I know how, he can not be reasoned with.

There is a strong thread running through him that keeps him always journeying on but I know that somewhere inside is a great deal of pain and frustration and "ghosts" of the past from life and the war.

I pray that this New Year will see him level out and find peace in his life. Each day is a new opportunity for us to make a choice to do something that is good for ourselves, but each of us are the only one who can decide to take action and make it happen.

Peace to you all.

Hoping the New Year will be represent a time when things seem able to go in a new direction for him.

i am glad you can be so strong
linda