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#26
Apr 22, 2014, 09:12 AM
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Had some strong suicidal ideation last night. I feel like this depressive episode will never end . . .
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 Anonymous45023, maryjain lockhart, shortandcute
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#27
Apr 22, 2014, 10:24 AM
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..didn't sleep too well last night, even with the meds; at one point I felt my heart beating faster and faster, then I felt that my body was trembling-it was scary
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Anonymous45023, maryjain lockhart
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#28
Apr 22, 2014, 01:53 PM
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Well...so much for going to my meeting at the pDocs'. Got an IBS attack with bad abdominal cramps and just couldn't "stomach" the long journey across town to go to the appointment, so I called and cancelled.
Now the trick is to not feel guilty for not going, and be nice to myself for the rest of the afternoon/evening.
__________________
Bipolar I / GAD, 40mg Latuda, 150mg Venlafaxine XR, 300mg Wellbutrin XL, 2 mg Clonazepam |
| maryjain lockhart
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#29
Apr 22, 2014, 01:57 PM
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I am just starting a new med called viibryd. I have been in a pretty bad depression for a few months. Im hoping for some relief.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
__________________
Crystal  Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe become simple.  Bipolar 1 OCD BPD Anxiety with panic disorder Agorophobia viibryd |
| maryjain lockhart
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#30
Apr 22, 2014, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| maryjain lockhart
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#31
Apr 22, 2014, 02:33 PM
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I feel numb
A kind of nothingness |
| maryjain lockhart
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#32
Apr 22, 2014, 02:35 PM
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Thank you tigersassy gives me hope.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
__________________
Crystal Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe become simple. Bipolar 1 OCD BPD Anxiety with panic disorder Agorophobia viibryd |
| maryjain lockhart
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#33
Apr 22, 2014, 08:47 PM
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Last night I made some really poor choices and could have gotten myself into a world of new problems. I don't know why I'm so lucky, but I managed to get out of the situation relatively unscathed.
I've been feeling pretty even. Good even. I've been doing a lot of mindfulness practice and being thankful for what I have, every chance I think of it. I hope everyone is doing okay or better. I'm a little anxious today, but I think after what happened last night I am normal to feel that way. Definitely not like it was and for that I'm so grateful.
__________________
Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
| maryjain lockhart
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 Phoenix_1
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#34
Apr 22, 2014, 09:03 PM
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Feeling worried ... the diizzy-vertigo-spinning experience is increasing along with the disequilibrium ... and the tremors. I don't want to live like this.
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| maryjain lockhart, redbandit
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#35
Apr 22, 2014, 11:32 PM
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feeling pretty stressed and depressed. tired of feeling like this all the time
__________________
In a season of suffering, we may question God's intentions. But sometimes His plans for deliverance are greater than our desire for relief -anonymous 
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| maryjain lockhart, PoorPrincess
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#36
Apr 22, 2014, 11:44 PM
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This is the second day on 10mg Olanzapine. My mood was cycling between euphoria to depression to agitation. I also have been anxious. But so far an improvement from the past.
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| maryjain lockhart
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#37
Apr 23, 2014, 12:23 AM
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I have to talk to my pdoc Thursday about my meds, I just got on the scale for the first time in 3 weeks and I've gained almost 10 lbs, plus my hair is falling out in clumps. I don't know if it was the added seroquel or the depakote/ seroquel combo but I can't continue it. That's what put the weight on me back in 2011. I had lost quite a lot of it over 2013. The seroquel isn't putting me to sleep anyway which is why I was taking it. Grrr. On the plus side I didn't have a spring episode! Fat and bald or crazy...some choice.
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| maryjain lockhart
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#38
Apr 23, 2014, 12:30 AM
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I'm feeling a lot better today after crashing pretty hard over the weekend. It's amazing how much a good night of sleep can help. My stopping Saphris experiment was a failure... at least I learned that stopping it cold like that is a bad idea. I will probably try to come off it again at some point, but in a more gradual way, and if possible with medical supervision if my pdoc will ever agree to it (unlikely). I am very grateful for the support from PC over the when I wasn't doing well, and I'm glad I stayed home and didn't get myself into any trouble. I got crazy pretty quickly with no sleep, scary.
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| Anonymous45023, maryjain lockhart
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#39
Apr 23, 2014, 12:40 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| maryjain lockhart
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#40
Apr 23, 2014, 02:21 AM
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My sleep is all messed up, I can't seem to get enough or stay asleep long enough, Really need to talk to my pdoc, I built up a tolerance to the Trazedone, where two pills used to knock me out, three is just not doing it.
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
| maryjain lockhart
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#41
Apr 23, 2014, 04:07 AM
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No I haven't taken my meds for 2 nights and here I am at 5am still not sleeping. I took benadryl for my sinus and .25mg klonopin an hour ago. Nothing happening. Of course it's the first night in 3 weeks I've been home and in my own bed. Grrr.
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#42
Apr 23, 2014, 05:59 AM
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Slept for three hours. I'm absolutely terrified of goin to my program or even leaving the house. I am afraid that people can see what's happening inside my head. And I am afraid that they will call the cops. I've never been so scared in my life. I don't know wtf is happening.
I also feel like my therapist is trying to control me because she forced me to go to partial care. I can't sit through a whole day of this ****.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023
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#43
Apr 23, 2014, 06:21 AM
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I was doing well today. Tonight bad feelings are back.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sad&Bipolar Bipolar l WellbutrinXL Abilify Lorazepam PRN TMS alternative therapy 6/19/14 to 09/25/14 |
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#44
Apr 23, 2014, 09:19 AM
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Pretty much the same as usual: an other day of depression and my usual routine. Please day, go quickly somehow and end!
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#45
Apr 23, 2014, 09:55 AM
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Last night I layed down at midnight and at 5 am was still awake. I started to dose off around 6 and would wake every 15 min almost like a shock or scared feeling each time. I just started on viibryd and also on welbutrin. I have never had luck with APs so I am not on one nor mood stabilizer. I quit my pdoc last year and only see my fsmily physician. Im beginning to wonder if he realizes im on two anti dep and nothing rlse and I am bp1. I have no faith in docs. Rush us in and out in 10 min here. I feel like none of the docs I have seen really look into my past just whats in front of them. Im feeling weird today. Prob the new med and lack of sleep.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
__________________
Crystal Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe become simple. Bipolar 1 OCD BPD Anxiety with panic disorder Agorophobia viibryd |
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#46
Apr 23, 2014, 12:11 PM
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I woke up mildly depressed. I think it is due to getting up with only 6 hours of sleep. I have had it worse.
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
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#47
Apr 23, 2014, 03:20 PM
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Meditated today for the first time in months. So I feel good about that.
Otherwise, though, it's been more of the same -- sleeping too much, depressed.
__________________
Bipolar I / GAD, 40mg Latuda, 150mg Venlafaxine XR, 300mg Wellbutrin XL, 2 mg Clonazepam |
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#48
Apr 23, 2014, 05:16 PM
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It is raining heavily today
Usually that will send me rocketing downward. But, I am doing okay |
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#49
Apr 23, 2014, 07:42 PM
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I've been looking for you guys !!! Ok yes I'm that aloof that it took me this long to figure out where the new thread was... So let me catch you up on everything... Hmmm. Ok that's about it. Nothing new.
Sent from the dark side of the moon |
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#50
Apr 23, 2014, 08:32 PM
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I skipped my NAMI support group tonight and told my therapist from another (non-BP related) group that I didn't want to attend last Tuesday evening, either. I don't normally blow off these things like that but sometimes, the whole processing thing feels more intense than my symptoms
__________________
We will never give up hope 
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