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#552
Jun 08, 2014, 04:22 PM
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I went to the beach yesterday. I walked on the sand, got it squished between the toes, smelt the sea, and finished the day watching the sun go down over the waters horizon.
I have spent everything we had to do it, and am glad to have created some good memories for my family. Yet I have awoken feeling that same sense of emptiness, of despair, and wonder if every morning will start with the same fight to rise above it..... I am tired of fighting Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk
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"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes"  Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
 Hbomb0903
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#554
Jun 08, 2014, 04:41 PM
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I just spent over an hour reading through some of my psych assessments, but stopped before reading all of them. I have a big stack, all from a couple of years ago. After reading all of that I feel kind of depressed. I don't know why I decided to pull all of those assessments out, because I haven't looked at them in a long time. Reading that makes me feel so inadequate, like documentation of all the mistakes I've made and all the things that have gone wrong. I'm in a much better place in life now than I was then, but I haven't totally recovered and I don't know if I ever will. This illness has really messed with my self esteem. I've been wondering if I'm hypomanic for the last couple of weeks, but today I'm feeling more depressed. I don't really know what is going on with me. I think I'm going to go for a run and clear my head.
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"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
 Anonymous45023
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| Blitter2014, Hbomb0903
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#555
Jun 08, 2014, 05:04 PM
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Plenty of time to think about regrets later, and sometimes when your strong enough considering past efforts is good too. But, Going for a run....living in the present.....making good memories for tomorrow- theyre all geat goals for today
Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk
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"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes" Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
| Curiosity77, Hbomb0903
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#557
Jun 08, 2014, 08:20 PM
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Unsure whether or not I'm going up. I've been pretty energetic and that's usually the first thing to happen. Could be that I finished the school year and have a lower stress level, though.
Not much else as far as mood goes. My birthday is Saturday - 16!
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"Before you can make good music, you just have to shut up. Then the music can say what it has to say." -Kristin Hersh "The most important thing about music that I've learned after all this time is that to me, it's a way of reaching the truth." -Serk Tankian |
| Curiosity77, swheaton
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| cubshadow
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#558
Jun 08, 2014, 08:40 PM
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Did laundry, cleaned my cat's bum (long story), showered and made a nice dinner.
Yay me!!!! |
| swheaton
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#559
Jun 09, 2014, 01:50 PM
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It's my anniversary. Two years. I'm all over the place emotionally.
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| swheaton
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#560
Jun 09, 2014, 01:52 PM
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Quote:
happy almost birthday! how exciting. hope the energy turns out to be nothing more than just that!  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#561
Jun 09, 2014, 02:01 PM
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Just went on Latuda last Friday. I went from being depressed to being in a mixed state. I feel jittery inside with energy, but at the same time depressed. I called my pdoc to see if I can go on medical leave for a few weeks to take the stress off of working while going thru this. It's a new doctor and I am hoping he will approve the medical leave just for at the most two weeks. I just can't handle trying to function and work at the same time. I hate this, it puts all of the pressure on my husband to be the bread winner at this time.
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#563
Jun 09, 2014, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#564
Jun 09, 2014, 03:09 PM
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The end of the year, Nov thru Jan usually, is never good for me. Many reasons, but that's just how it is. I had to review my medical bills this month that came with some late December billings just a bit ago. As odd as it seems to some, I have huge black holes in my memory when it comes to that time frame.
I had absolutely no memory of an injection I'd been charged for - but with prompting from my charts, that came back. Still though, I've been charged for missing an appointment in early December that I seriously do not recall. I don't recall making the appointment, being reminded about the appointment, missing the appointment or rescheduling the appointment. No notes in the chart to clue me in either. That is absolutely frightening to me. I hope beyond hope it is a billing error. If not, then there is another side effect of being treated for all these years. It causes holes in one's memory. Yikes. I'm not liking that. Nope. Not at all.
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#565
Jun 09, 2014, 03:23 PM
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haha! the sludge is upon me,
. that wonderful, excellent, fantastic, mixed-state precursor. excited for the debilitating energy that is to follow. really just. so happy. sigh. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#568
Jun 09, 2014, 09:53 PM
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Feel slightly empowered to be DOING something that may help my situation tomorrow but still terrified. I want me back so much.
Sent from my XT1028 using Tapatalk
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Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
| pawn78
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#569
Jun 10, 2014, 08:31 AM
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Can't sleep. Manic as HELL. Driving everyone around me nuts but can't stop. Don't care about food. Can't remember if I ate yesterday. Didn't sleep last night. I think my meds must be working to some degree or I'd be worse... Or maybe I am worse and haven't noticed. Can't tell. Blah blah BLAH!
Sent from my MyTouch 4G Slide using Tapatalk
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My labels: Bipolar 1 w/ psychosis PTSD GAD SAD ADHD Current meds: 1500mg divalproex sodium 3mg alprazolam 0.5 mg triazolam PRN assorted non psych meds. 
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#570
Jun 10, 2014, 08:33 AM
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I went and picked my car up from the mechanic and it was $740. I got the timing belt changed, oil changed, and some other things. I'm glad my car is going to be more reliable now, and now I'm good for another 100k miles.
Yesterday was a rollercoaster. Hopefully today will be better. I have to get my picture taken for a badge at work, maybe that means they're keeping me. 
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#571
Jun 10, 2014, 11:51 AM
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Today I am tired, but in charge of my life.
Sleepy but calm and content |
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#575
Jun 10, 2014, 02:01 PM
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I just found out I am able to go on medical leave for two weeks to hopefully become stable again. I just went off of Haldol and onto Latuda, and work is just too overwhelming at the moment. I figured I should take a rest and get things sorted out.
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