[Hopelesslybipolar]

Hi my name is Emma. I as diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1about a year ago. Since then I've been good at taking my medication. However I'm still cycling every so often. In January I started forging checks from my mother in law. That of which I am lost on how it even started. About a month ago I was confronted with my actions. I fell into the depression I'm in now. As a result my mother in law wants nothing to do with me and I don't blame her. My husband or the other hand is stuck in the middle of this. I've always been more manic for a month or so and hita depr within a month when I am confronted with my actions. I am pushing my husband away and I know in my heart that he is the one I need. He wants to stand by me knowing that I am the wife he loves somewhere in my head. He has been talking to other women and meeting them I have told him to stop and he tells me it's his way of coping with my diease. I suffer from paranoia as I have put trackers on his cell phone to track his text messages. I tell myself that he is cheating on me and I need to do this for my own protection. I know that he is at the end of his rope and that if I can't control this manic behavior that he will leave me. I'm looking for advice on how to get this right. I know that I will not be able to control this without him and he is making me stronger. He loves me so much that I'm hurting him. I don't want to lose my husband because of this disease. Please help.

[Nammu]

Do you have a therapist you can talk to about all this?

[r010159]

I am sorry to hear about you troubles. I would talk to a pdoc with your husband and work out a plan of action for you, something that will help you, and also will work for your husband. As far as the women go, IMO he does not have to be going out with women to deal with his problems. Without being confrontational, I think you should tell him how you feel. Start by saying "I feel that..." then "because..." and then listen to him. If he is at a loss for ideas, then suggest one or two of your own ideas to him.You may want to write down what you are going to say before talking to him.

I am no doctor or therapist. This is just what I would do in a similar situation. Only you will know what will work for you.

Good luck!

[Hopeful Camel]

I hope you start by taking care of yourself first. You can do this by working with your therapist to make a plan to get out of this place you find yourself in. The stuff with your husband is big, feels big, but is in the end tangential to what is going on with you. Unless you get yourself grounded, nothing else is going to get worked out. Best of luck to you. Be good to yourself! Hugs.

[pjgowtham]

Your future is you ll be determinedx dont worry bud . I see a confused mind, but it glows golden. You may have been mistreated, disrespected by someone but your husband and your parents will always love you. Just clean your mind, spread love to the farthest extent possible and glow bright and strong

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[hamster-bamster]

Look, you forged checks, which was a form of deceitful behavior, and yet your husband stands by you. What do you do to show him how much you appreciate that? Put a tracker on his cell, which is yet another form of deceitful behavior.

If there is any chance at all that he might discover the tracker, I would remove the tracker asap.

What you say about protecting yourself does not make logical sense and sounds like paranoia instead.

You have got lots of good advice above on starting to help yourself - good luck.

[LaborIntensive]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Look, you forged checks, which was a form of deceitful behavior, and yet your husband stands by you. What do you do to show him how much you appreciate that? Put a tracker on his cell, which is yet another form of deceitful behavior.

If there is any chance at all that he might discover the tracker, I would remove the tracker asap.

What you say about protecting yourself does not make logical sense and sounds like paranoia instead.

You have got lots of good advice above on starting to help yourself - good luck.

Dead on. I could not have stated this more clearly. Accountability is yours not the person you are supposed to love.

[Sad&Bipolar]

If your husband is willing, get into a counseling session together. Being aware of your tendencies toward paranoia, is a good start. Before you take any actions like phone-tracking, ask yourself if that behavior is healthy, really needed, safe, or if it will enhance your marriage. My therapist reminds me constantly, that I really cannot control my thoughts and feelings, but I am always in control of my behavior. So I have to ask myself a lot of questions before I act. I hope you find my suggestions helpful. Good luck.

[outlaw sammy]

Nearly everyone here has offered good advice: counseling, therapy, life changers etc. BUT before anyone can move forward (you, your husband, friends, relatives, and pets) ya'll need education! You need to understand your illness inside and out. It's time to go to Bipolar 101.

[Victoria'smom]

Your husband needs to know you are paranoid. That alone can ruin lives. Look into either slowly paying your mother in law back or "work off" the money. Turn all money/cards/ checks over to your husband you never get them back but you get a % allowance, unless your husband trusts you with it. Possibly your keys too.

Explain that this is an issue between you and him bringing outside people in just makes things worse. He needs a therapist, you need a therapist, if you have kids they need a therapist , and couples therapy is a must.

You forged checks...if I were in your shoes I'd be worried out of my mind about criminal prosecution. Since you didn't mention that, I assume your MIL is not pressing charges against you?

[txbipolar]

Your marriage is not failing. You just need to get help with the paranoia and communication between the two of you. He is still there and so are you, so there is something worth fighting for!

[StartingFreshNow]

I agree with most of what was said.

I'm also in a place where I'm terrified of my marriage falling apart because of this but I'm learning that by freaking out about that, I am spending less time focusing on making myself better.

I know it's easier said than done, but put yourself first. Be as open and honest with your husband as possible. If you have a therapist definitely bring this up there and ask your husband to come along so you can work together.

It's a terrifying thought to know you could lose someone for things you've done, but you can't force someone to stay either. You can make yourself the best person you can be though - sometimes it will take a lot of work, sometimes it will be easy, but just keep trying. Good luck!