Don't Know Why

Hi everyone!

Thanks for this amazing forum.

I am Bipolar Type 1. I am currently on 25mg Aropax, 250mg Lamictin, 600mg Seroquel, 80mg Ritalin, 0.75mg Rivotril.

My psychiatrist is one of the best doctors I have ever been to. He managed to stabilise me properly for the first time in 11 years. Things have been going well for the past year, even though I slipped into a rather strange depressive episode from December to February. My psychiatrist also managed to stabilise my severe anxiety with the Aropax and Rivotril combination.

Unfortunately it feels like everything is falling apart all of a sudden. I feel like death warmed up. On Saturday (19 April 2014), I had an abrupt emotional breakdown. I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. This has not happened to me in months. I am stuck in a job which I absolutely hate. I was a permanent writer for an international entertainment website for two years, but I gave this up in order to receive more financial stability. My editors want me back, so I am currently deciding whether to resign or not. I am also enrolled to write my GED (I am from South Africa, but I don't have South African matric. A GED will offer me the opportunity to study abroad)

My current job as a media and marketing executive pays well, but writing is my first love, especially writing for the above mentioned website.

Writing has always saved me from myself. The problem is that my aunt works for the same company where I work as a media and marketing exec and I am unsure whether she will take the news of my departure lightly.

This situational stress however is not influencing my terrible state of mind.

I have to resign at the end of April in order to start writing on the 1st of June. I don't know if there is something wrong with my Aropax or my Seroquel?

It feels like a wound is opening up inside of me, spilling the darkness of dreams everywhere. I can't handle this intensity anymore...

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

The first thing I would do is call your doctor, so he can adjust your meds if needed. Do you have a therapist to help you talk through this bad time you're having? If you would be happier going back to your old job, I wouldn't worry too much about the aunt. You have to do what makes you happy. Working for a company that keeps you stressed out is not good for your mental or physical health.

Good day Rpalland,

I feel bad for you as I to have had this happen to me. You leave a place that pays so little but the people are fine and fun to be around and you love the work only to find you make more money but the atmosphere is awful and you can't be around it another day.

I wish you all the best in your life's choices. I can say that it could be worse.

My neighbor is a photographer and has worked freelance for many years now. He was hired by a magazine from Italy to do American photo-shoots but was not actually paid. They would send him a credit card for the expenses of travel and lodging but after 2 years of promises they stopped communicating with him entirely! He slaved for these guys thinking that in the end he would have a real career and good money as they promised upon seeing his work. He showed me the magazines and none of them have his name showing credit for his work. He said that it bothered him at first but thought that it would change as he did more work for them.

We all need to chase our dreams and be smart about it. But it sounds like you have seen the place you work at now for what it is and you know what you had before. Good luck.