[Nightside of Eden]

A while back birthdays came up between me and a couple of friends, and the conversation turned to when the last time was that we'd actually been happy on our birthday. One said never, one said on her 16th (she's 34 now), and I said on my 18th (I'm 27 as of today). For some reason, that conversation has stayed with me, kind of haunted me, even. All those answers are a long time to go without happiness.

When my fiance and I first got together we believed we were going to change that legacy, first for ourselves/me, then for others too. I guess that was part of our manic delusions, because 6 months later and I'm right back to where I was during that sad conversation--depressed and definitely not happy.

I don't know what the point of this thread is. I guess that I'm extremely depressed. Other people can add stories about their birthdays if the want, I guess.

[Curiosity77]

I'm sorry to hear you are having an unhappy birthday.

I am almost always depressed on my birthday. My birthday is Jan 1, and I have rarely had people to celebrate with because people are tired and hung over from NYE. When people do celebrate with me, they seem to be doing it out of feeling obligated, and not because they want to or are enjoying themselves. I usually feel very lonely on my birthday and I reflect back on my life and see all the things that are wrong. When I was married it was a little better because I had my husband to spend it with, but I would usually be depressed and he would get angry with me for not appreciating whatever he was trying to do for me, so we would end up fighting. I had a few good birthdays, but for the most part I wish I could skip them entirely because they just make me feel like a loser and a failure.

EDIT:
This sounded really self-indulgent, so I edited it and removed some parts. Sorry, I should be more grateful. Just having a bad day.

[Bluesday]

I doubt I could even get 5 people! It can always be worse.

[Mandysue]

My 30th Birthday I went Sky Diving in California...it was awesome...31st and 32nd sucked... I will be 33 in Oct..we will see :-)

[Nightside of Eden]

I don't think you sound self-indulgent, Curiosity. I'm sorry you have such a hard time with your birthday too.

I did eventually pull myself out of it enough to let my fiance take me out for my birthday and pretend to be happy for my parents, since everyone was so clearly trying to make me happy. My fiance really is amazingly devoted to me--when I was too depressed to get out of bed he laid down with me and tried to make me feel better. He never gets irritated or mad at me like so many others describe their partners doing.

So the day wasn't a total loss, even if it wasn't exactly what I'd dreamed.