[LostSoul74]

I am almost 40 and have been dealing with Bipolar 2 now for 10+ years. I have been married 4 times and divorced 3 (soon to be 4 times) and filed bankruptcy 2 (soon to be 3 times)... I have lost family members, friends, and spouses due to the fact that NOBODY understands what I am going through! I HATE that I am like this. I struggle everyday to feel worth something, keep my moods/anger in check, resist the urges to do the few things that make me feel worthwhile (mania phase), and balance it all out with uneven doses of depression and anxiety. According to my doctors, my choice is simple - stay on my ever revolving door of medications and live like a zombie with no personality and no emotions. I get 95% of my care through the VA (other 5% through ER services) and they just don't have the availability or resources to address my illness like it should be addressed. I don't blame them for that though, they are doing the best they can. My current wife doesn't hold into account that I can keep myself in check 90% of the time but rather holds that 10% that I cant seem to control when under great pressure or stress. Because I do well 90% of the time, people even try to question that I HAVE Bipolar. (I have 2 Psych orders, PCP symptom documentation, and 2 hospital stays that states otherwise!) I get so frustrated that people judge, and assume what I am going through and try to label me as a monster or a selfish person that only thinks of myself. I wish they knew for one just day what I thought... the racing and sometimes inconsistent types I have so often. Now, because she doesn't understand, my wife has portrayed me to be a monster (even though I've loved on them, cared for them, kept them safe, and guided them now for almost 10yrs - AND they are great kids!) Losing my family, losing patience, and losing grip! My kids are my life nd now she wants to take the one thing that helps (somewhat) hold me together... Please HELP!

[Victoria'smom]

Is there a possibility for you to go to partial hospitalization and couples therapy to show your wife that your trying? Make sure your kids are in therapy. Don't let your doctors zombiefy you that's not a way to live.

[Nammu]

Welcome to PC.
I don't have anything directly that can help you, but to say this is a great place to come for support. Lots of people here and someone is bond to have shared your experiences. I'd say you are braver than I am, I was divorced after my diagnosis and ever since then I have steered clear of any relationships. I give you lots of credit for having 10 years in this relationship. Would MM's suggestions be possible?