[grandmaof3]

Well I stopped my meds last week to see what would happen. I've been hypo manic the last few days but I feel a real manic episode coming on. Here it is 0330 and I'm wide awake. I just came inside from cutting the grass in the dark. I went to my pdoc yesterday and he told me that I needed to take my meds. I was feeling pretty good and I told him so but he reminded me about the last time I stopped meds and ended up in the hospital. So I went home and took my Geodon. I took my meds at 2200 and went to bed but I've got a million things floating around in my head and I couldn't sleep. I got up and did some laundry and cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen. I went out and cut the grass. I'm still wired so I just took 3 mg Ativan and 10 mg zyprexa. Hopefully it will kick in soon so I can get some sleep. I've got to work today. My pdoc thinks I should take some time off work and get myself together but I can't afford to. I'm trying to save my vacation time until august so I can take off when my daughter has her baby. I only have 3 more sessions with my pdoc before he retires. I'm stressed about that. I have an appointment in 2 weeks with a new pdoc that he recommended. I really hope that works out. Sorry for the long post . I wish I had someone I could call at this time of night to talk to. I don't have but one close friend and I'm sure she doesn't want to hear from me at 0400. I could wake my husband up but he has to work in a few hours so I should let him sleep. WHy oh why didn't I listen to everyone who told me not to stop my meds ?

[Raindropvampire]

Because we never do listen. At least in my family's case once we start to feel better then we don't "need" them and this time will be different than the last 50 times we stopped meds just because

I have learned not to stop but unfortunately due to financial constraints have been med free for a few months and might be for a few more. Good luck to you I hope you settle down soon and can get some rest before you have to be up

[Standup2me]

Because they tend to rob us of any real emotion.

The black clouds are gone, but the smiles are too

[TheatreKid]

Is it really a common experience to lose all emotion when you're on meds? Not the right ones, I guess. Nothing I've ever been on for any length of time has changed my level of emotion. I feel deeply, and that is a hinderance sometimes. Meds never changed that.

All of my pdocs have always told me that meds are meant to raise the bottom and lower the top, so that mood swings are more within normal limits rather than extreme.

grandmaof3, I hope things calm down for you soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

If your meds make you feel flat and dead I would try to find another. I won't give up happiness for a more stable life. The only med that made me feel like that was lithium and I jumped ship real fast.

Anyway don't beat yourself up, grandmaof3. Next time, if you ever want to try again, do a slow taper of one med at a time. Then you'll know which ones you need and which you don't, if any.

I'm in the same boat - I stopped my med in March and **** got real pretty fast. Then when I went back on it didn't work. I'm kicking myself because as I was spiraling into psychosis my husband was spiraling into drug addiction. If I hadn't stopped I might have been able to help him sooner. But I did stop and now I can just forgive myself for a poor decision and make sure I don't do it in the future. I can't dwell on something I can't change. And neither can you. Just do something different next time.

[swheaton]

Grandma, don't beat yourself up over this. Just remind yourself of what happens if you go off of your meds. You won't do it again. Please take care.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm glad to see you went back on your meds. Good job.

[grandmaof3]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I'm glad to see you went back on your meds. Good job.

Thanks everybody! Its too soon to be feeling back to my medicated normal self, but I feel positive.

Originally Posted by grandmaof3

Thanks everybody! Its too soon to be feeling back to my medicated normal self, but I feel positive.

I was wondering how it turned out. Yeah, if we could only stay in the hypo phase when we wanted....if only.

I hope u can get some sleep.

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Because they tend to rob us of any real emotion.

The black clouds are gone, but the smiles are too

If u feel that way I would try a different med. The only med that made me feel that way was seroquel. Unfortunately the psych nurse I was seeing at the time wouldn't give me anything else for sleep. I'm happy I have a new psych nurse.