[haleylaurel]

hey friends i'm haley

after 5 years of a diagnosis of depression/anxiety, i was just diagnosed with bipolar1 disorder.
i have no clue what this means, and would love some insight, experiences, any help etc....

i'm terrified of my anger fits.
i'm suicidal when i'm low
and then i feel like i can run a marathon, do any job, be anyone i want, like i will jump out of my skin if i don't move.

please help?
thanks

[BipolaRNurse]

Hi Haley, and welcome to PC! I'm sorry you had to wait for a response, but a lot of people are going through a lot of stuff and I didn't see this post till now.

I'm bipolar 1 too, diagnosed only a couple of years ago, so I'm still pretty new at this game too. Like you, I run hot at times and experience mania in much the same way. You'll find a lot of people here with the same things.

Of course, the best person to explain your illness to you in detail would be the mental health professional who diagnosed you. There are things you need to understand about your condition, what to watch for, when to put out a distress call to them, how to take your medications (I'm assuming you're on meds?) and so on.

But there are also things you can do for yourself. Educate yourself by reading some of the books recommended by PC (there's a sticky thread about bipolar books at the beginning of this forum) and talking to people here. We all experience BP differently, so there's plenty to learn and lots of people to learn it from. Hopefully by
bumping your thread back up to the top, you'll get some more responses. Until then, I wish you the best and hope your association with us will be a long and helpful one.

[Curiosity77]

Welcome to PC. I'm not sure what to say about my experience with bipolar. It had been with me basically since around age 10, but i didn't get my diagnosis until age 29, and i didn't start meds until age 34, which was 3 years ago. It's a process trying to make sense of everything that has happened, and trying to get stable without losing too much of myself. I'm still working on it. I find this forum really helpful and supportive. Do you have any specific questions?

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[pawn78]

Bipolar people, (especially type 1) have an extremely wide spectrum of emotions, often the extreme swings and perceptions are out of control , or can be totally debilitating.

It's a brain disorder, no cure, but you can treat it with a doctors, help, medication and psychotherapy are the most common treatment options.

I am just saddened by the fact that someone else has to live with this. For me at long periods of time, it has been a living hell. Trust me, by all means, do what the experts recommend. I don't know if I'm fortunate or not, but it's a miracle I'm still alive and fighting this.

[Talanic]

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnoses. I know when I first found out it was a shock. Honestly after a hospitalization when they said I should get checked for bipolar I reacted with anger. That was mainly from not knowing about the subject so much. I guess here is some things I would recommend:

Really know that you're NOT crazy. I know at least when it comes to me, I sometimes get the thought in my head that I'm just crazy. That can just make things worse. Sure it's a mental illness and it's a serious diagnosis but it still doesn't mean you're crazy. We just have a brain imbalance.

As what people have said, reading as much as you can about bipolar and learning about what it is can help. Once I started to read about it, it made me less angry about the whole thing and my understanding went up. It also helped because I knew what was going on, and it made me learn what to look out for. Helped me to identify if I was just in mania, bipolar depression, a mixed episode, in psychosis, and what not.

Learn your triggers and try to cut them out of your life. For example don't watch movies where someone kills themselves.

Learn what helps with the pain (coping mechanisms). Write down your passions and what helps you calm down. That way if you're in a time of need you can look to those passions and activities that help calm you down. For me it's chemistry, or trying to learn something new on the internet to give me the feeling that I'm moving forward. I also find that the more simple the coping mechanism the more likely you're to do them when you're down. Something simple like sitting outside, walking, sitting next to an open window to get fresh air. You know, something along those lines.

Also a good idea is to understand that there's a good thing from this. Now that you know what's wrong you can start treatment and work on becoming a better person, getting healthier, and getting stable. Understand that it can take awhile. But try not to think too far ahead. Take things one step at a time. Don't think too far into the future. It just makes things worse, you start to worry if you'll ever get better, or thinking "what if" thoughts and that's just going to slow down your recovery. Baby steps. I know it's hard to not think too far ahead (I still have a hard time with it) but try your best and keep trying. You'll get better at it over time.

If you don't already have one, try and find a good therapist. Talking with someone who is a professional can help A LOT and in combo with meds can really help. Even if you feel better, keep seeing your therapist. Think of it as on going treatments

Another thing I feel that I should bring up is about meds. A lot of people start taking meds, start feeling better, then think "Oh I feel good. I don't need these meds anymore" and stop taking them. Then they just find themselves in the hospital or doing something harmful. So understand that the reason why you're feeling better is because of the meds. Some people don't take meds, and if it works for them... then well more power to them. But I feel that it's important to know this fact.

If you have any questions or need someone to talk to, my door is always open You've found your way to a really good site. Which brings me to my last point, build a good support system.

I'm still pretty new here, but have found everyone to be very supportive!