Forgiving yourself for manic episode stuff?

How have you forgiven yourself for embarrassing actions done during a psychotic/manic episode?

Here's my story:
Last summer I had the worst manic episode of my life. But during that summer I had a conversation with one of my favorite professors, (who I suspected was bipolar...and upon confronting him, I turned out to be right!)

Anyway during that conversation I said and did some really confusing, embarrassing things. (For example I gave him the lyric booklet to one of my favorite albums because the lyrics reminded me of bipolar disorder) Anyway I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I acted so unlike myself in front of him. I mean I know he's bipolar, but he didn't know I was having a manic episode at the time so he doesn't have an explanation for my behavior. I did apologize over email, saying I had been "unwell", and he didn't seem like he was bothered by my behavior since he didn't even address what happened, my behavior, or my apology over email. He and I have been keeping up an email correspondence for the past year, which has been great. (mostly discussing issues within our field of study)

He's become a real mentor to me, and it seems like he's overlooked the things I said and did that summer, but I'm still filled with so much shame. I rambled like a manic idiot in front of the person I respect the most in this world and I just hate my self so much. It's almost been a year now and I keep crying every time I think about this.

Anyway, I would welcome any suggestions on how to get over this!

I don't beat myself up for things I've done in the tempest of mania. All I do is I recognize that I'm ill and sometimes that causes me to act out of character. I feel no need to beat myself up about it. It's pointless.

I don't have any suggestions, what do you think you need in order to move past this?

Like you said, I think I too just need to accept I said and did were things done when I was ill. And also, I just need to have faith that this professor doesn't hold these things against me. And the fact that he's continued his correspondence with me is proof he's willing to look past that incident, that he still values the professional relationship I have with him...I guess it will just take time for me to naturally believe in these things.

Thinking about all of this is making me so miserable and teary-eyed but I've gone a whole year letting this eat me up inside, it's about time to confront things. So thank you for asking me that question, it was genuinely helpful!

I haven't forgiven myself for the things I wish I hadn't done. I force myself to not think about it because thinking about it will only make me feel awful, and it can't change anything. Same for all the lost opportunities of being in a deep depression. I don't allow myself to think about that too much, either.

Being bi-polar, your professor obviously understands. Let go of the guilt. You didn't do anything evil or hurt anyone over it. Maybe some people go into depression after the manic stage because of all the guilt they hold inside for things they did during mania...I don't know.

It sounds like you still have a great relationship with your professor, so just let it flourish and let the past be the past.

It sounds like you didn't harm your relationship with your professor, but this type of thing can be embarrassing. There are quite a few things that I have done while ill that I have a hard time forgiving myself for. I carry a lot of shame and regret, which doesn't do me any good, but I don't know how to let it go.

Things like this have happened to me far too many times to count! I know exactly where you're coming from.

It's always made me feel better to remember that the other person is probably not even giving it a second thought. You're the one that's dwelling on it, not him. If anything, he probably genuinely appreciates the honesty and letting him see that side of you.

We are our own worst critics and we dwell on things far more than other people do. I like to think of it this way: did I have a conversation where someone ELSE said something that would embarrass THEM? How much am I dwelling on what THEY said? And do I really think less of THEM? In truth, probably not. If someone else says something we're usually really quick to let it go... so the same is probably true if you turn it around.

I totally agree with Nessa213. We are hardest on ourselves when In actuality, they don't give it a second thought. Quit punishing yourself.
I've done a lot of things that I regret but I just try and keep it out of my mind. I have enough emotional baggage to deal with.
Guilt is a useless emotion, the only one it effects is you and really through guilt we build this whole big story in our minds that really doesn't belong.
Try to let it go and move on

I echo what everyone else is saying. I've done the same damn thing while ill---we all have---and all I can do is let it go once I've made amends (or at least tried to). You just can't spend a year beating yourself up over something like this, you won't last in this life if you do. It's just too hard on the ego and your self-esteem.

Let it go. You've done everything right, and your professor still thinks highly of you. It's time to be at peace with it.

Well...in the midst of psychosis, I Facebook messaged my professor and spoke to him as if I were God and had manipulated events that had happened to him in the past (before I was even born), so I can relate to this. Luckily he is a psychology professor and I think he is beginning to understand what happened. My psychotic break happened while on an academic related trip with him, another former student of his, my husband, and other student's girlfriend. We were working on a documentary film at a comic convention and I basically pulled all the other people aside from the professor away from the con so they could get me back home. I think it hurt the relationship a lot, but I have faith that it can be repaired. I don't beat myself up because I don't think it will help anything. That's very strange, because usually I beat myself up over everything...

I have hurt many people in my life during my dysphoric moods. I have not forgiven myself. I was so thoughtless. I can be really mean and say things that border on abuse. I think of the people I have wronged. I do not know if I will ever be at peace with what I have done.

I'm so ashamed of what I've done I haven't even told my therapist about some of it. I don't think I'll ever get over the guilt. I just manage it as best I can by keeping busy and trying not to dwell on it. Intellectually I know "it was the illness", I can't seem to fully accept that.It is what it is, but it is in the distant past.

I have done some things that will never be uttered aloud to anyone than those that were there....plain and simple. Have I forgiven myself for them...sorta...not sure I should forgive myself for some of the stuff...to remind me of how crazy I was at one point in my life.

I've never done anything too bad or embaressing during hypomania (I guess that's where the "hypo" part comes from), but I can't get over something I failed to do while badly depressed. My mistakes got someone I love badly hurt. I pretty much feel like I failed at being a decent human being and don't think my bipolar is an excuse.