Bipolar or not???

As I'm sure many folks with Bipolar have done - I'm fighting myself about whether or not I'm Bipolar. I'm considering tapering off all my meds which of course is a very bad idea.

I wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar until I was 44 (I'm 45). My biological father and grandmother are both Bipolar I, I'm II.

I had a major nervous breakdown over a year ago and have been disabled since then. I tend towards the depressive side but also have mixed states/rapid cycling.

Because I was diagnosed so late in life (by 2 pdocs and 2 therapists) I find it hard to accept. Especially because I was so successful for so many years until I flipped out.

I can look back and tell you every behavior/symptom I've had since I was 14 that points to BP II.

I guess since I'm somewhat normalized based on what's gone on the the last 15 months (but still debilitating) I've convinced myself I'm not Bipolar and can go back to my high powered job and be "normal".

No one understands but you guys. I just need someone to slap me back into reality and tell me I'm bipolar and instead of fighting it - I need to try and manage it so I can have somewhat of a life again.

Thanks! You guys are wonderful.

I am bipolar 1 with rapid cycling. I have been psychotic before. Yet I hold a relatively "high-powered job", and I maintain a marriage and family.

I guess my point is, I can be a full certified bipolar nut and still lead a successful life. Of course, it's a huge struggle and I am doing all I can to manage my disease.

I hope you can too!

I won't slap you but I will share my experience with this same thought pattern. I tried about a year ago to taper off all of my meds because I kept telling myself that I didn't have bipolar and that I just need to pull myself up by my boot straps and "get it together". The first 5-6 days were great and I thought that I was in the clear. Until about the 8th or 9th day I turned into a complete and total nightmare. My entire family was afraid of me because I was flying off the handle on very minor things. I almost lost my job because I started telling my bosses they were wrong about things and was very impolite to my coworkers as well. When my wife spoke up that it wasn't working I was infuriated and started screaming at her in a fit of rage and then finally realized I was going down in flames. I immediately called my doctor the next morning and got back on track. I personally have no family history of bipolar. (None officially diagnosed anyway.) I'd say my Father has some form of it as well. The moral of my story to me is that even though the medication doesn't take the bipolar away it really does help me deal with things. It gives me a slight edge. I am more calm in bad situations and even though it takes a lot of work on my behalf still I can keep myself in control.

I went through a period last fall during which I got it into my head that I wasn't really bipolar, I'd merely been going through an existential crisis over the past few years and was finally snapping out of it. Naturally, pride goeth before a fall, and that feeling was merely the beginning of a wild manic episode that was quickly followed by a crash. That convinced me once and for all that my diagnosis was indeed correct, and as embarrassing as it was, I'm sort of glad it happened. I really did need that reality check.

I decided all my symptoms were due to PTSD( it is one of my diagnoses) and therefore I didn't need medicine. It worked....for a while. Biggest mistake was quitting therapy, she helped keep me on track.

Denial has to be one of the symptoms of BP.

I haven't been completely convinced I have BP. I do but eh...

Thanks all

R010159 and MM's you crack me up. Thanks for the laugh!