[comicgeek007]

I haven't posted in what seems like forever. I actually did really well this semester. I got several A's. My lowest grade was a C in Calculus 3 (which I probably only got because the prof made sure none of the problems required calculators because all the answers were nice round numbers or simple fractions). To be fair though, I was taking a couple easy classes like Acting because I didn't know how unstable I was going to be and I didn't want my GPA to get any lower.

My anxiety problems reared heir ugly head again for the first time in several years this semester and I had at least one entire week where I only went to maybe one class meeting at all since I was having near-constant panic attacks and fainting. But I ended up signing up with disability services early on (for bipolar) and keeping in contact with my professors. Because of anxiety and other mental/physical health reasons I probably only showed up to half or fewer of the class meetings to two of my classes (actually got A's in both those, though) and had a panic attack during one I knew I shouldn't have gone to but the prof kept attendance and it was difficult material anyway.

But disability services and several kind members of my major's department helped me retroactively withdraw from fall 2013 semester - the stack of supporting mental health documents was over an inch thick. So now my GPA doesn't suck and I don't have that stress anymore because unless something really bad happens again, it's probably only going to get better.

But recently I've been having a really difficult time reading long bits of text, such as in a novel or non-math textbook. I can't focus and it's like my brain's trying to read all the words at once and I have to go over the same sentence several times far too often to understand what it said (and that's not even for difficult literature or subject matter). Especially if there are few spaces/small spaces in between paragraphs. It gets a little better if I read it aloud (although I still don't always comprehend it well) but I'm going to drive my sister nuts If I read everything aloud - I'm home for the summer and sharing a room with one of my sisters and two large dogs.

I'm also just way more easily distracted than usual. But I don't feel at all hypo or depressed. I feel pretty stable other than some lingering baseless anxiety.

I'm trying to track down the reason for this and would like to, if at all possible, find things I can do on my own because my meds are currently doing pretty great keeping me out of episodes and also I don't have insurance to see someone other than someone who can just continue re-prescribing what I'm on now.

[Curiosity77]

I have trouble concentrating on what I'm reading too. It's only been that way since I've been on so many meds. It's been a little better recently, but for almost 2 years I couldn't get through a book, which sucks because I love to read. So I totally relate

[BipolaRNurse]

I haven't been able to read a book in three years for the same reason. I was once a voracious reader, and now I have literally hundreds of books and absolutely no desire to try to get into one. It's SO frustrating, and I don't know what the answer to it is.

Maybe just take things one page at a time?? Read it, try to understand it, then get up and walk around for a couple of minutes before going back and trying the next page. I'm not a student so I don't HAVE to read much other than short magazine articles, which I do OK with. My most recent job required me to read and memorize massive amounts of material, which didn't last long as you might've guessed.

Wishing you the best of luck in your continuing academic career. I wish I had better advice for you. Please keep us posted.

[Bolivar83]

comicgeek007: first, congratulations on the A's, and am impressed with C in Calc III ( I am struggling in bus calc!). I had to medically w/draw from last semester, so I can empathize.

I have trouble reading, concentrating, too!!! What worked for me was that my disability office at univ provides audio for my text books (Kurzweil program). I listen to my chapters, can follow along on the computer, and it has made a world of difference. It takes me a little longer, but I can absorb and recall the info via hearing better than I can by reading right now (suspect is due to my meds, as Curiosity77 mentioned).

Take care! Good luck next semester! - Bolivar

[wildflowerchild25]

Comic geek, I'm so happy to see you around here again! And doubly happy to hear you're doing so well! I missed you for sure. Glad to see school is going so well for you.

As for the reading I have that sometimes, usually linked to a mood episode but not always. I agree with the previous posters. Maybe set up some clear study times. Read a paragraph, take a break, then read another, etcetera.

I was an English major so I had to hack my way through some pretty dry text sometimes (Alexander pope anyone? Anyone?). The way I did it was I would read a stanza of poetry and then rewrite it in my own words. Summarize it in a sentence or two. It was super time consuming but sometimes there was just no other way. Sometimes I had pages and pages in my notebook of poetry or journal article interpretations. And then when exam time came I already had notes to study from.

Glad to hear you're doing well!

[comicgeek007]

Thanks for the ideas! I'm probably going to do the read a paragraph at a time and then check for understanding thing. Do you also think using a slip of paper or a bookmark to keep my place on the page would help? That's what my fiance suggested. He seems a bit worried since I used to always read things twice as fast as him in high school.

Thankfully I've already gotten my English comp classes out of the way. I'm in online summer classes now to try to catch up a little because now I'm behind because of having to take GPA booster classes and having an entire semester wiped off my record. I had to read a dialogue by/recorded by Plato the other day and found the only way I could get through it was if I found and audiobook online, set it to 2-3x speed, and followed along in my text. But there doesn't seem to be a lot of audio books available for my textbooks. I hope I can find something that woks well enough over the summer because I don't particularly want to have to ask my parents for help on this because last time I noticed this happening they threatened to keep me out of college, and that seems a bit unnecessary if it's just going to be kinda frustrating and more time consuming but workable and I'm otherwise stable.

[Standup2me]

Having had taken Calc III, I applaud you
Getting a C is a huge accomplishment

Be proud of yourself

[comicgeek007]

Ah! Thank you. I had less than a percentage point of wiggle room on my final exam (I got a high D on that) but I did miraculously make a C overall.

[comicgeek007]

I guess this is sort of related to the subject... I was using the techniques people suggested for reading. It was working pretty well actually. Also using timers to try to keep me on track doing one thing at a time.

But yeah. I was reading one of my Ethics textbooks and something kinda weird happened. They mentioned One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and the lobotomy scene and I just kinda freaked out? I'm not entirely sure what happened. It felt like my bedroom was melting into my room in the first psych ward I was at and I could hear stuff that was said there and see some people. Then it stopped and it was like I was sitting staring at my book but I couldn't move at all, not even blinking, for what felt like forever and I couldn't really form whole thoughts. I checked the clock and apparently 20 minutes had gone by. My sister's back in our room and I don't remember her coming in.

It's like I can't feel emotion right now but at the same time I have the sensation of holding back tears? What's going on? This has been happening more and more frequently over the last few months and it keeps getting worse and more confusing.