[Cocinella]

Hi all,

please share your experiences, is this hapenning to you to?

I already wrote quite often, that I don't feel (almost always) nothing against people that love me, mom, dad, bf, sister...they helpes me the most yet I feel nothing towards them but irritability.

I feel so guilty, I keep reminding myself it's this stupid mental state I'm at and that when I'm be me again, it'll pass. But I feel horrible. If it weren't for them I surelly wouldn' be here anymore. Even when I am writting this post, I'm crying a bit.

Do share and help me with your advice...

[cgriffin77]

I find this happening a lot towards my fiance. I know it is just the illness so I try not to beat myself up about it. It always passes and good days are ahead. You still love them, though it may be difficult to feel it at times.

I think it has to do with accepting your diagnosis and everything that comes with it. Once you do that, the guilt should disappear.


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[Curiosity77]

Feelings of guilt and/or worthlessness are one of the diagnostic criteria for depression. Unless you have done something bad, there is probably no reason to feel guilty. It's depression that makes us feel that way, but it's not true. Try to be gentle with yourself.

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[Cocinella]

Thanks guys for your reply, I feel guilty cus they help me a lot, all the time, yet I feel nothing. I don't think it's depression but a side effect of Lamictal. I read it makes you feel emotionally numb....so that's why they put you on Abilify to get your emotions (in a normal range) back and the joy of life(which I always had) back to you.

I hope...and pray for the day I'll live my life normal, without worrying when will I get anxious o when will I burst into tears. I am afraid of everything. Nor I have the desire to plan my summer holidays, and I am scared since panic and anxiety gets me in the middle of the day with no reason at all.

[Angry1541]

Yeah...I get like this either when depressed or hypo -- things just kinda irritate me...I think it's a way of isolating myself....but I am new to this BP thing...really trying to understand myself and my emotions...

[r010159]

I keep remembering the time I yelled at and was mean to a girlfriend that I had. She would cry and cry and I would work to stick the knife in deeper. This happened during our flight home from a vacation. I will never forgive myself for doing this even though it happened over 20 years ago.

[Victoria'smom]

There's two things a regret: scaring my son so bad that after my episode he refused to talk to me for 3 weeks. Which had to be difficult for an 11 year old and giving him mental illness.

[Polibeth]

I used to feel guilty a lot but I worked with my therapist on those feelings and now I don't feel so guilty. I accept that I have a mental illness and that I do everything my t and pdoc say to do to treat it so I am doing the best I can with it. My family is supportive.

[Angry1541]

Oh yes...but I have shoved those feelings so far down inside myself, that I only really feel them when at the height of depression....otherwise, I able to ignore those feelings....which is probably not good....but!