[Cocinella]

Hey guys, I hope your having a good day. I am giving you a brief inside of what was happening to me yesterday.

I was weird all day, from tears to huge anxiety at work which didn't stop until I came home (even the benzo's didn't do the trick).

I have my pdoc appointment tomorrow so I wanted to know from my mom (cus nobody knows her child better than your mom) what she's noticing now that I take bigger dose of Lamictal.

She sees me as ok, but without any of those "moments when I'm just myself", like I'm stuck in some kind of apathy, melancholie, which I noticed as well. I told her everything, the good and bad sides of medication while lifting the dose up.

GOOD: (maybe) less mood swings, even forgot to take pills (which means I'm not thinking abt my illness so much)

BAD: loss of feelings, motivation, joy in life; even more scared of changes (don't wanna go or try anything cus I'm afraid it'll trigger anxiety), practicly NONE of those short moments when "I feel myself; also my period was a bit late this month.

CONCLUSION? Don't really know. I guess I felt better when I was on 100mg, at least I had those short moments of feeling myself as I should all along. So what about adding new med's?

Well my mom was shocked why more and more meds? She said, didn't you say Lamictal (on a terapeuthic dose, which was in my case 100mg) takes a long time till it starts working? True, I only took terapeuthic 100mg for 4 weeks and I already saw an improvement (remember me saying about that afternoon and evening and even the next morning when feeling totally me?).

So what to do? My mom's advice is I can do two things. Lower the dose on 100mg again and wait for a bit longer, if I started to see positive results in 4 weeks, maybe another 4 weeks would make even more difference (without adding Abilify to it).

Second option is simply lowering the dose on 100mg and add Abilify (but to make sure to ask my pdoc WHAT is this for, what good would it do to me and if I'll have any side effects).

She is right and I will point all that out to my pdoc tomorrow. Maybe you all think, ah, she can't think for herself. But the thing is nobody sees you as the people you love (though right now I don't love anyone or anything). In my case that's my mom.

She knows me and sees every change there is. We are very connected and I feel I can really trust her opinion. It's really important to face these facts to our pdoc's. We are trapped in this magic circle of our problems and can't see either we're really getting better or not. Family helps you with that.

All though I'm afraid and I stressed that out yesterday to my BF and my mom, they both said, why? Why are you always so messed up before going to your pdoc for check up? Seriously, don't know. Maybe cus I want to start living already. If that's being impatient well then that's what I am. Everyone would get impatient if they can't live my life for 2 years...and I feel like life is passing by and I'm standing still. People are LIVING and I am like a vegetable.

I know everyone reading this, know where I'm coming from. Big hug for that

Well so this is my briefing on my yesterday's day. I think I'll talk some more with my mom today, cus there are things she still doesn't know and she should, need an objective opinion. Only that can help the doctors decide better.

HUGS to everyone reading this and sharing your thoughts.

[Trippin2.0]

Abilify is an anti-psychotic, it is widely used off label so best to ask what he's prescribing it for yes. Could be a sleep aid or he could be considering it another MS and wants to add it as back up for the Lamictal.

Best is to ask, I personally wouldn't be comfortable taking it if I wasn't some kind of psychotic, but many people are more open minded about such things.

I think its lovely that you and your mom have such a good relationship, its great when we can ask the people closest to us for feedback. Sometimes we need an outsiders perspective, one we can trust, and I'm glad you have that.

[Cocinella]

Trippin thanks for your reply

Yes, you are right, I don't want to take MORE med's than I do, I mean look at it this way. When still on JUST 100mg of Lamictal (which is a safe med) I felt myself for almost whole day!

So as time would pass, maybe I would feel more and more of those days without adding another med. Yes, I do think they just want the Lamictal to act more, but look I'm on 125 mg of Lamictal now and feel worse. So WHY would I want Lamictal to work better?

They were talking something about that I need the most efficieny on serotinine hormone... I don't know. I just know I'm fed up with everything. Pushing everyone away, and whole house and all of my family is suffering, but I can't do anything about it.

Yes, my mom is my shelter, and I couldn't ask for any better

[Cocinella]

Also, I am thinking this over and over again, wouldn't it be logical to give my 1st therapethic dose more time? Isn't 5 weeks too short period of time to know?
People needed a month, two, even three to see if it's working. I am noticing I am more nervous and more irritable on 125, especially these last few days. It's horrible how I don't feel anything towards the people that help me, how they irritate me and how on the other hand, need them desperately :/

[Cocinella]

Another thing I forgot to say, I am seriously thinking of trying just 100mg of Lamictal again. Try it for about 4 more weeks and if there won't be any improvement then add Abilify.

I am scared of eating meds anyways. So is my mom. If I'll have to, I will. But maybe I didn't gibe my Lamictal enough time to work it's best.

[pawn78]

You need to talk to your Pdoc about these things. Your mom and you are not really qualified to make prescription changes.

[sarahblue]

I second pawn78. Don't make any med changes w/o discussing them with your pdoc.

AFAIK, Lamictal isn't an anti-depressant. It's a mood stabilizer. It started life as a treatment for epilepsy, then was found to be effective for bipolar I and II. I don't really get why your pdoc would put you on this alone if you are just starting treatment.

You really have to take it every day, though. If you miss too many doses, you'll have to start titration all over again.

Abilify is a weird drug. In lower doses, it's activating. In higher doses, it's sedating, and is used as an anti-psychotic. I was on Abilify for depression for a year and a half, and it did wonders for me. Then it pooped out.

There are a LOT of potential side effects with Abilify. Definitely talk to your pdoc about them. My pdoc didn't suggest regular liver panels with Abilify, but my GP did.

This is to the best of my knowledge. I am not a psychiatrist or a doctor. I do recommend doing as much research as you can into the drugs you are prescribed.

[~Christina]

Not all people with Bipolar need loads of medications to manage life and be happy ... Your mood is going to go up and down all the time just like people without Bipolar ( just keep that in mind)

Do you have a Therapist ? Therapy can help you learn coping skills and ways of looking at situations differently as to ease the stress ..Meds can only make so much of a difference ..

I'm glad you have such a supportive Mom that is wonderful.