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Old Jul 24, 2014, 09:14 AM
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optimistic_dolphin optimistic_dolphin is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: hong kong
Posts: 196
i feel so tired and out of control.
it's like i have to hurt the outside or hurt the inside.
kill them or kill me, that's the choice
i feel like lashing out at things and people, running into the road
sometimes I get visions like cutting myself and my other hand holding the knife., are they hallucination or images i make up?
I am also dealing with eating disorder
i wan to never wake up so i dun hv to think about hurting people or food
i haven't been taking med. my dr thought i am such a good girl. my mu m found out yesterday i hid my night med by searching me. she said no one can help me. I know. i chose not to take them so she is right. i can never be helped. i should die. i asked her to kill me several times but she said she will end up in jail. :'( eveery night it gets worse. i cause it upon myself
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Bipolar, BPD, ED
increasing med right now: a downhill slope
Seroquel 200mg
Epilim 300mg
Olanzapine 5mg
Amisulpride 50mg (just started trying this)
Clonazepam 1.5mg
Ativan 1mg (PRN)
Zopiclone (Imovane) 10mg

In psychosis and struggling worse with ED
I skip med because I would rather be psychotic than living in the real sucky world
Who can understand?...

Updates and mental health discussion on my Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/dreammyrainbow

Last edited by sabby; Jul 24, 2014 at 10:59 PM. Reason: added trigger icon/administrative edit to bring within guidelines
Hugs from:
bleutamales, Curiosity77, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina

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  #2  
Old Jul 24, 2014, 10:56 AM
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bleutamales bleutamales is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 105
Optimistic dolphin please call your doctor. It sounds like you are having a psychotic break. You need to get help so please call.
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Sometimes you gotta go in-sane to out-sane the sane - Mordecai
Thanks for this!
cashart10, Curiosity77
  #3  
Old Jul 24, 2014, 11:01 AM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
I understand how you are feeling and I am so sorry! I would definitely recommend taking your medicine so you can possibly start to feel better. I'm sorry about your mom, what a terrible thing for her to say to you!

Do you see these visions like you would see something physical, outside of your head? If so, these visions are hallucinations (which is less likely)? Do you see them in your head? If so, they are intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are very scary. I get them also when very manic or very depressed.

I'm sorry you have so many struggles. I hope it gets easier for you!
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
  #4  
Old Jul 24, 2014, 11:02 AM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
Take bleutamales advice!
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
Thanks for this!
Curiosity77
  #5  
Old Jul 24, 2014, 04:30 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
Please contact your Pdoc. They can help you feel better .
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
Thanks for this!
Curiosity77
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