[Skitz13]

My agitation is through the roof tonight. I just want to explode. Nobody gets the fact that I need to go back to work. My pdoc said I have to have 6 consecutive months of total stability in order for her to "consider" it. No one seems to understand the rush. The professionals say I need to relax and be in the moment. I'm sick of their crap.

THE RUSH IS...that I'm 50 years old, spent my $7500.00 in retirement money during a manic episode, I have no savings. I have no one to rely on but myself. I can't seem to get more than 10 days of stability. This is not how I saw my life unfolding, I'm just a waste of space, I swear.

No matter what I do, I just can't seem to get better. I'm out of options. I had such a great career, totally on top of my game at one time. many commendations to my name.

And now, I stay in only going out for appts and going to the store. All my friends have gone on. This weekend I spent the nights crying because everyone was gone camping or to the cottage or the trailer and here I am. I use to do all this stuff with them.

I don't even know who I am anymore and this life is just a waste of space and not worth living anymore.

I'm always the first one around here to say you have to keep fitting... well f**** it, I'm full of crap.

[tigersassy]

Hugs skitz.... No words of wisdom just an ear if you need to vent.

[Tucson]

Hello. I am sorry you find yourself in such a predicament. I am 55 and on disability for over ten years. I have been stable for a few years, then the bottom dropped out from beneath me. During this time of over a decade, I spent over $60,000 during my manic episodes. Now money is very tight. I used to be very good in my profession. Now look at me. I cannot handle stress anymore.

So what I am trying to say is that I think I can understand your situation. That is how I felt before I qualified for disability. Hang in there! You will be in my thoughts.

Sorry for the long unhelpful reply. Your plight sounded too familiar to me. But I do hope things turn around for you.

[cashart10]

I'm an a different season of life but I just want to say I'm sorry and I hope things turn around for you soon.

[BipolaRNurse]

I hear ya, Skitz. I'm 55 and don't seem to belong anywhere either. Too old to be considered for a lot of jobs, too young for Social Security, and not disabled enough for SSDI. I'm rapidly running out of unemployment benefits and can't go back to my nursing career because I can't handle it physically or mentally.

However.....I'm sticking around to see what happens. I don't have a choice. I got pretty down in mid-June and had some suicidal ideation, but I waited it out and now I'm glad I did, even though my life situation hasn't improved. You can do it too.....there really is a purpose to your life, even if it's not clear at this moment in time.

Sending you good thoughts and positive energies!

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I hear ya, Skitz. I'm 55 and don't seem to belong anywhere either. Too old to be considered for a lot of jobs, too young for Social Security, and not disabled enough for SSDI. I'm rapidly running out of unemployment benefits and can't go back to my nursing career because I can't handle it physically or mentally.

However.....I'm sticking around to see what happens. I don't have a choice. I got pretty down in mid-June and had some suicidal ideation, but I waited it out and now I'm glad I did, even though my life situation hasn't improved. You can do it too.....there really is a purpose to your life, even if it's not clear at this moment in time.

Sending you good thoughts and positive energies!

Thanks BipolaRNurse, I'm just so discouraged and absolutely terrified. All I know is nursing, I have no idea what my purpose is. That purpose has been taken away from me like everything else.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Skitz13

Thanks BipolaRNurse, I'm just so discouraged and absolutely terrified. All I know is nursing, I have no idea what my purpose is. That purpose has been taken away from me like everything else.

I know that feeling all too well. I am sick of losing bits and pieces of me to this illness. My nursing career was just another casualty. So now it's time to find a new purpose.....and I have no idea what that purpose is. We shall see, yes?

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I know that feeling all too well. I am sick of losing bits and pieces of me to this illness. My nursing career was just another casualty. So now it's time to find a new purpose.....and I have no idea what that purpose is. We shall see, yes?

I am in the same dilemma. I need to go back to work but do not know how to approach this seems like there are a few of us here in the same place.

[lilypup]

Me too. Am on disability...don't really see a future altho i'd like to have one. Maybe we need our own thread on building a future.

[Skitz13]

Ya a new thread would be a great idea. Thank you guys so much, it's nice to know I'm not alone. When you isolate so bad, you think you're the only person going through it

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I know that feeling all too well. I am sick of losing bits and pieces of me to this illness. My nursing career was just another casualty. So now it's time to find a new purpose.....and I have no idea what that purpose is. We shall see, yes?

Well maybe we can try and find out together

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I know that feeling all too well. I am sick of losing bits and pieces of me to this illness. My nursing career was just another casualty. So now it's time to find a new purpose.....and I have no idea what that purpose is. We shall see, yes?

Hi BipolaRNurse, I'm sorry that you're looking for work. I had no idea.
Does it have anything to do with your recommendation to a poster about not giving up mental health info to your employer if you can avoid it? I had the same feelings and wrote prettymuch the same. You ever think of working for a doctor that only takes cash payments. If not in the office you could check up on patients at their homes. I understand thousands of doctorsopted out of the ACA and are doing well for now. Could be somthing that might work for you. You could always start a Nurse livechat line with limited help.then you can have an hourly show a few nights a week. you'll get advertisers. I can't find any personally.lol thats why It came to mind. That kind of service may be needed with the ACA.coming.
Hope you find somthing soon.tc (((gentle hug)))

[BipolaRNurse]

I do advise people not to discuss their mental health issues at work. I've done it twice, and it was a mistake both times. Employers don't want to hear about it, because then they might have to make accommodations for us, and they simply find it easier to trump up other reasons to get rid of us. No bueno.

I actually have applied with an agency that hires nurses to work advice lines. I wouldn't mind that at all. And I like the idea you came up with about working with doctors who've opted out of ACA. There aren't too many around here though, the vast majority work within a big health system that covers our area all the way to the coast and through the middle of the I-5 corridor in my state.