[lilypup]

I have gotten into the bad habit of cancelling on people when I don't feel good. I really should never commit in the first place but I want to keep my friendships up. Plus, when they ask you to go out Friday night and it is Monday, it seems like you could do it. I really need to just force myself to stop telling people I am sick and can't go. Sometimes I tell them I am depressed, other times I lie and say I have a migraine. Most every friend I have knows about the bp, so why I feel compelled to lie to them, I don't know. Ugh!

[Perfectllyflawed]

I also do this often. I've pretty much lost all my friends from my disorder. I can be really mean and angry towards them for no reason. I also really isolated myself and kinda started to have agoraphobia. . But I've been a bit better. Hopefully you feel better soon! Hugs.

[Love&Toil]

My dh used to do this all the time due to anxiety. But if he did end up going anyway, he always had a good time.

[~Christina]

I know its hard to go out when you make plans .. but I honestly think its best to push your self to go .. often once you get there you will be happy that you went .

I had a great friend .. But I cancelled alot on her .. It slowly ruined the friendship ... I regret it . I have tried to reconnect but nothing comes of it ..

My advice try to push yourself to go.

[Silent Void]

I used to make plans then cancel them. Finally, I stopped making plans altogether and now I'm a recluse.

It depends upon whether or not you want or need friends. I don't need people. I actually need to stay away from people. They're not healthy for me.

I eventually stopped caring about hurting other people's feelings. Maybe you will too.

[loophole]

I do this often when I'm not in a good place.... we will have a house full of people and I will literally get up and go in the computer room or bed room or just leave.... fortunately in laws and people know this is.just how I am or can be and pretty much no one takes it personally. ..they know the situation a bit and know I'm seeing a T and a psychiatrist. .. so they just thrilled I'm seeking help...

[Auja11007]

Originally Posted by Perfectllyflawed

I also do this often. I've pretty much lost all my friends from my disorder. I can be really mean and angry towards them for no reason. I also really isolated myself and kinda started to have agoraphobia. . But I've been a bit better. Hopefully you feel better soon! Hugs.

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

[wiretwister]

I have quit or cancelled many times so now i try really hard to never promise anything,,also i find myself lately after fridays work to just hold up at home and not go out till work again monday morning

[Standup2me]

I have done this so many times.

I totally relate

[BipolaRNurse]

I can relate too. I've learned not to promise too much because I always wind up regretting it. Something that sounds great on Monday morning usually loses its luster by mid-week, and by the time the event rolls around I REALLY don't want to go. So it's best if I don't commit to anything, and what I usually end up saying is "I'll try to make it, but if I can't I'll let you know". And that's what I do.....I'm not a complete jerk about it.

[Travelinglady]

Yes, I do that sometimes. But my friends know about my health issues. I try not to cancel very often, though. I feel better when I am out with them.

[Mikeyboy]

As a couple others have shared, I used to cancel on people. Ask me Tuesday to do something on Saturday afternoon, and I used to say "sure!". By the time Saturday morning rolled around, oh you can bet your butt doing anything and being around anyone was the last thing I wanted to do. So I simply stopped making plans altogether. I've pushed a lot of people away and grown very distant over time. My couple good friends I have left understand my issues, though I suspect it still hurts them that I don't ever want to talk or do anything.

[lilypup]

Well, good news! I had three events scheduled today and I went to every one. I did have a good time although I did get tired.
Tomorrow I have an interview and then Sunday I would really like to get to church. Church really isn't a commitment but I'm going to make it one to myself. Thanks for keeping this thread going and all your comments. It really helped.

[Grummessi]

I developed extreme agraphobia in my last depressive faze and lost my friends , it got to a point i refused to get my haircut and i didnt attend my doctors meetings . I tryed work and ended up extremly panicy and sickly .Anyway cut a long story short even if you cancel on people try get out even by youre self fo fresh air and excersize

i think where im concerned its having something looming over me that causes the problem. so what ive been trying to do, when i feel good and think i can do something, is say:
"that sounds great! id love to.. but im not sure how ill be feeling when friday rolls around, if you dont need to know for sure right now then lets assume its on, but give me a ring on thursday afternoon to be sure."
no one has ever had a problem with this approach and it beats me festering and getting anxious as the time approaches knowing people are counting on me to be somewhere. i also tend to bow out less because i dont have the added stress to perform well. when i do back out the other person has known this was an option all along and isnt disapointed.

I do it all the time... Probably shouldn't but the social anxiety is stronger than me unfortunately and seeing people is so difficult, im too awkward. I dont know how to stand, hold myself, always trying to look normal, all the noises and faces are too much for me.

Congrats, lilypup!
I have almost no one to cancel on, but agree with Christina. Really try to force yourself to go whenever you can. It can all too easily become something that feeds on itself. What wiretwister said made me wonder if maybe you too have a kind of pattern of certain days you're really disinclined to be out. If so, scheduling for other days might help. Doesn't matter if it seems everyone sees (for example) the relief of TGIF in going out. If TGIF brings to your mind, "ahhh, home", you'd probably not exactly be setting yourself up for success if you were to schedule things for that night.

[lil_better_everyday]

My biggest problem is my relatively new sobriety. Its been a year and a half, but that really isn't that long.

I used to go out all the time. To drink. All my friends are drunks. I've been friends with many of them since grade school, so it's not like they're just drinking buddies. But booze always cut right through the anxiety. But now on top of the regular anxiety there's the anxiety of being scared sh*tless I'm not gonna be strong enough not to drink. As depressing as it seems to me, right now my sobriety is more important than friends.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

[Auja11007]

Originally Posted by lilypup

Well, good news! I had three events scheduled today and I went to every one. I did have a good time although I did get tired.
Tomorrow I have an interview and then Sunday I would really like to get to church. Church really isn't a commitment but I'm going to make it one to myself. Thanks for keeping this thread going and all your comments. It really helped.

Woo Hoo! That's good to hear!

[Cocosurviving]

That's great

[lilypup]

Did not make church on Sunday so I feel like I cancelled on myself. I do feel better when I go to church. The dress is casual and it is only an hour so I don't get my hesitation. But when I wake up on Sunday, it just feels better to stay in bed.
I think this is getting to be a bad habit as someone up above said. If I want to get into full recovery I need to do the things I set out to do.
I'm so relieved to hear this seems to be a common problem.

[bipolar gemini]

I use the same excuse... "I have a migraine"

[Linlin815]

I also cancelle on friend and my wife. I just don't know how to get out this. I just don't feel like going anywhere . Nothing makes me happy