[newtothis31]

My daughter is going to be four in September. She will ask me, "Mommy are you taking your medicine so you don't get sick?" so she is aware that my health has limitations.

There are a lot of moments where I experience stress since my daughter understands how to play me against the other adults in her life. Statements like, "I want to be with grandma" "Daddy lets me do this" drive me up the wall even though I know deep down that she should be able to share her thoughts with me without worrying about my reaction.

I've mentioned in other threads that I'm in process of getting a divorce. My ex has retained the majority of the shared friends we had. (No real loss- none of them supported me when I was inpatient). My ex created a lot of stress by expecting me to do the parenting since his job requires him to be traveling 80% of the month. That definitely triggered my BP along with him cheating on me.

What would help me the most would be to meet other parents who have kids around my daughter's age. We are moving this weekend into a family-friendly neighborhood, and my daughter recently started pre-school. My family lives out of town. While I treasure our phone conversations, I really want more positive relationships in my life.

So a few things that I've thought of:

1). After my ex agreed to have a joint birthday party for my daughter, he kicked me out and told me I wasn't welcome to attend. So, I booked a birthday party at the local zoo and want to invite her friends at pre-school to attend so I can also meet the moms. Do you think that's a good idea?

2). When we move into our new place, I really want to play outside as much as we can. I also want to join the neighborhood association to meet other families.

Any other suggestions?

[Victoria'smom]

1) I don't think that there's a problem having two separate parties.
2) look into the local library programs for preschoolers.

[newtothis31]

Thanks for the suggestions.

What makes me mad about the two parties is the way that he changed his mind at the last minute. Had he told me that he wanted to do something separate originally, it wouldn't have placed so much stress for me to plan something at the last minute.

Is my daughter going to need two weddings someday because he doesn't want to be in the same room as me? 2 graduation parties? Granted- I didn't grow up in a divorced household, but it sounds insane to me. Oh well, I'll get used to it someday.

[lilypup]

No, it will be a bit different by the time your daughter hits high school and all. She will have more of a say in getting you both there. MANY families get along just fine fr a day or so ...after all, it is about your daughter.
I am really admiring you for the way you are trying to get out and about. You're sure to meet some nice moms that way. Good luck!

[Mamabug1981]

I have three kids, 11, 5, and 2. Only my oldest understands what's going on. I explained it to her as while normal people get small waves in mood changes staying right in the middle most times, my brain makes big waves in changes without the middle ground (demonstrating the difference with my hand). I told her the meds I take help my brain function closer to a "normal" brain. She's been fine with it since.

[newtothis31]

That's a good suggestion, MamaBug. Sometimes I get the feeling that my daughter would rather be with her dad or grandma- I know that kids are entitled to their preferences- but any tips on fostering a closer bond with a four year old?

[Trippin2.0]

When my daughter was that age she was very close to my mother as I was always working...

So what I did to bring us closer together, is set aside time for activities that she particularly liked, and actively joined in on them, not just supervise.

Much to my dismay one of the things she absolutely loved, was playing dolls!

So former tomboy turned single mommy sheepishly asked her lil girl to teach her how to play.

She was overjoyed that she could actually teach me something, and beamed at the fact that I took an interest in something she did, and in return, I let her join me with something I did.

So I would paint her nails for her when I painted mine, and even allowed her to paint mine when she asked.

I know I know, make up and little girls can be a hot topic, but it was only nail polish, no facial products, and the gamble MORE than paid off because these days we are as thick as thieves.
She's 10 now btw...

[catman1975]

I'm still trying to bounce back from a difficult divorce myself. Parenting separately is challenging, especially if there is little or no communication between the parents, like with us.

Separate birthday parties and other events have become pretty normal in our family, I just try to put a positive spin on it by saying that they get 2 birthdays and 2 christmases etc. and they seem to understand. They know mommy and daddy don't talk so they aren't surprised by not being able to do things together.

As for meeting new families and kids to play with -- I think playgroups such as those sometimes held at libraries etc. are a great place to start. Maybe join the PTO or just start going to all the after school events and such. I've met some parents through my son's Boy Scouts troop.

I think you will do just fine. Sounds like you're determined to do the best job you can. The divorce can suck the life out of you, try to hold your head up I promise it gets better it just takes time. Watch your sleep and see your doc if you think your meds need tweaking before it gets out of control (it can happen easily under the stress of a divorce.)

And of course come back and talk to us. You can always count on your emotionally stable and logically thinking friends on this forum for support when you feel like crumbling under the pressure.

[Nancy_Bout]

One thing I recommend him to do is so what's best for your child. End of the marriage so be it,try to be civil and that's it. I have a drug addicted daughter due to this issue he used her as a pawn to his own game because I moved on it's a LONG story but nevertheless they grow up so so fast.
She's 25 and I worry every night I'll get the call overdose.
I cannot emphasize how important it is to love and both of u love and put your anger over each other away from her.
I know genetics plays a part too her dad and grandad are also addicts that don't want to change.
I have 3 more girls afterwards w my next husband. Talk about drama @@

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[Nancy_Bout]

Best of luck and one day at a time is all lol ️

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[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I love MamaBug's suggestion on how to explain to your kids - I've been worrying about this now that my daughter is almost 9 and asking questions. I'm also newly DX with BP - for decades I've thought it was just depression (I heard that's not uncommon...).

Anyway, to your question about fostering a strong bond. Trippin had an excellent suggestion - making time to do something she loves one-on-one with her, and then including her in something you love. My daughter (and my almost 5-year-old son) both love cooking with us, though dad's better at doing it. They also love nail painting. My husband is really good about doing things with the kids, and I see it all the time in their bond. I'm not as good (I don't have as much patience and am more responsible for scheduling & such, so I don't have as much time to spend as he does on cooking, for example - he does it on his days off, so it doesn't matter if it takes another 10 or 15 minutes).

I will say that 4 years old sounds just about right for the "I want someone else" stage. My kids wanted whomever they weren't with at this stage...could be they're telling dad or grandma the same thing about wanting to be with you. It passed for us in about 6 months or so. I usually just said something like, "You have fun with *whomever*, don't you...but right now we're together and we need to/can do X, Y Z." And move on.

Also, as she gets into preschool, find out who she likes spending time with and see if you can make some playdates with those friends. That was not something that I was used to, until other parents asked me. I don't make friends with or even talk to strangers easily; but having the kids play together gave me an opportunity to get to know them and make some good friends that way. Finally, you might see if there's a local gymnastics place or something where you can do a Mommy & Me class, or even something like swimming, art, soccer - I know that can be hard when you're parenting with an unwilling partner, but even if you just go when you have her, you can meet other families with like interests.

[Trippin2.0]

Just wanted to support the method of explanation of bp to younger kids.

Its very effective and helps them understand on a very basic level.

My daughter was 6 when I had the bipolar talk with her, and I learned that particular method right here on this board...

[newtothis31]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, I'll be sure to keep you posted.

I feel so guilty that sometimes I feel like parenting challenges can cause me to have mood swings. It's horrible.