[Ronin26]

Are there any mothers out there who have experienced this? I did two years ago literally days after my child's birth. It was my second major hospitalization and that time I didi not think I was going to make it. I've read information on the web and saw that it was very rare. It happened to me and was the most frightening experiences in my life. Luckily, with the support of my husband, family and strength within to know that I had a newborn to raise, I recovered. I literally know how it feels to loose touch with reality. There are only a handful of people that I trust know about my disorder and my hospitalization.After the first year of my child's bday, I finally decided to see a therapist consistently to process my thoughts and get support to control my bp. And it wasn't until recently that I found this online support group.

[Victoria'smom]

While pregnant I'd hide in the closet because I had audio halusinations. Then my husband couldn't leave me alone with my son because I'd lock myself in the bathroom scared that I would hurt him. So he'd come home to a screaming child and a wife crying in the locked bathroom in the tub.

The doctors said how much of a wonderful mom I'd be. So I couldn't tell.

[BipolaRNurse]

I had it in the way-back days, before there was even a term for it and nobody dared even mention it. I'd had postpartum depression with my first 4 kids, but with the last one I had horrible, intrusive fantasies about leaving my son in harm's way or killing us both by stepping in front of a train. The fantasies varied, but all of them were extremely violent and resulted in a grisly death for one or both of us. Many times I thought of just going out and committing suicide because the guilt was AWFUL!!

I thought I was a terrible person for thinking these things, and I was too afraid to say anything to anyone because I thought it would get my kids taken away. I loved my baby dearly and had gone through quite a bit with him---crash C-section, then I almost lost him at five months when he developed breathing problems that nearly caused his respiratory system to collapse. Perhaps this had something to do with it; I've since learned that complicated births and difficulties in the early months are highly contributory to postpartum psychosis.

But back then, I didn't know I was sick; nobody was even talking about PPD, let alone psychosis in those days. And I carried the guilt alone for many years---I didn't even tell my husband until about 10 years ago. That was about the time I was working the mother/baby floor in the hospital and teaching new moms about PPD, what to watch for and when to report it to their doctors. So I figured it was a good time to be honest about what I'd been through.

My understanding of postpartum depression/psychosis is that it tends to get worse with each birth, and I was always thankful I never had another child because God only knows what I might have done. Even talking about it now, I still feel a little guilty even though I know better. But at least I can discuss it and I don't ever pass judgment on other women with this issue.

Originally Posted by Ronin26

Are there any mothers out there who have experienced this? I did two years ago literally days after my child's birth. It was my second major hospitalization and that time I didi not think I was going to make it. I've read information on the web and saw that it was very rare. It happened to me and was the most frightening experiences in my life. Luckily, with the support of my husband, family and strength within to know that I had a newborn to raise, I recovered. I literally know how it feels to loose touch with reality. There are only a handful of people that I trust know about my disorder and my hospitalization.After the first year of my child's bday, I finally decided to see a therapist consistently to process my thoughts and get support to control my bp. And it wasn't until recently that I found this online support group.

Yes I did. Literally almost after he came out of me. I wouldn't let anyone touch him. I had family come from all over the nation, (I'm the youngest of 8) I would not let any of them touch him. I would only sleep 2 hrs every four days. And unfortunately I was in an organization that was against any meds. I had to have my nurse come out and give me enemas for the first 2 months, bc I hadn't healed from the birth and ppl in this organization were against me taking any type of pain medication. It was hell and the beginning of my bipolar disorder the docs think.

I would advise researching all u can. Good luck.

[PinkPearl]

I don't have answers, but I had a baby three months ago and I think I was a bit psychotic afterwards as well (maybe even during the third trimester). I was triggered by something traumatic at 30 weeks and I started acting strangely and my thinking was really "off." I'm better now but I'm now extremely embarrassed and ashamed of myself, even though it resulted from my illness, situational circumstances, and hormones.

[cashart10]

My experience may have just been mania, I'm not sure, but it was definetly related to postpartum. When my baby was just a month old, I fully intended to try to climb the walls and ceiling with knives ( logical, I know). I wanted to jump from the top to the bottom of the steps because I believed I would soar down them (after a csection mind you). Thank goodness i didn't do these things because I was still worried about what my hubs would think. I believed my children were foreigners to me ( especially my baby). My pdoc didn't want me alone with my kids. Unfortunately, this landed me in the hospital with serious postpartum depression when my baby was only 8 weeks old.

[~Christina]

Welcome to PC

I had some of the same issues after I had my daughter it was horrible.. Im glad you had great support to help you through such a rough time.

Originally Posted by cashart10

My experience may have just been mania, I'm not sure, but it was definetly related to postpartum. When my baby was just a month old, I fully intended to try to climb the walls and ceiling with knives ( logical, I know). I wanted to jump from the top to the bottom of the steps because I believed I would soar down them (after a csection mind you). Thank goodness i didn't do these things because I was still worried about what my hubs would think. I believed my children were foreigners to me ( especially my baby). My pdoc didn't want me alone with my kids. Unfortunately, this landed me in the hospital with serious postpartum depression when my baby was only 8 weeks old.

I love, love Ani.

[Ronin26]

Thanks everyone for your posts. I'm glad I am not alone. I did suffer some tear damage during birth. I'm allergic to IB profen and advil so the docs gave me perkesett (spelling) to ease the pain. I was fine in the hospital, but as soon as I got home and took one of the pills it trigged my psychosis. (note to self, not to take perkesett ever again). My hormones were also all over the place. I was so obsessed of wanting to breasted but I couldn't because of the medication after my psychosis and I was nearly away from my child while in the hospital for nearly two weeks.

[Moose72]

After my youngest son was born i had visions - vivid visions- of my crushing my daughter's skull. Also after that same daughter was born i saw orange rectangles in the sky. This was all before I knew I was bipolar.

[Love&Toil]

I had postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety attacks after my first and second births. By the third I was properly medicated. You are not alone.