Acceptance

Hello. I am new to this forum.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II over a year ago. It took about 15 years of struggle and 5 doctors to correctly identify my illness. While I am grateful for success I've achieved with the help of my doctors and medication, I am only now accepting the diagnosis. After an episode a few weeks ago I decided to bring my mom to meet my pdoc for the first time and discuss what had happened. She knew I was being treated for "mood swings", but I never said the "B" word (obviously I was in denial). So to hear my doctor tell her I have Bipolar II had a jarring affect on me. Hearing the word made it feel *so real* and final. To hear my doctor explain to her what I had did something to me inside. A few days after that meeting I felt a strange mix of relief and fear. I cried it out with my mom. "I have Bipolar II. There I said it. I am bipolar and this is who I've been for a very long time." I had gone about life with the hope that all of this "stuff" would one day go away for good - it was just a matter of time. But that time never did come, and I know it never will. This is me.

I am a super disciplined person, so even though I am disciplined with my medication, mood charts, exercise, diet, etc, I haven't truly accepted that I am bipolar (despite all the evidence). Accepting that this will be part of my future forever is scary for me right now.

So that is where I am and that is why I am here. I look forward to learning and being involved in this forum.

Welcome to PC. Acceptance is the piece that many of us struggle with for a very long time. It is overwhelming sometimes knowing that this will be a part of you for the rest of your life, but as you said, it's always been a part of you. Now it just has a name. Good luck in your journey of acceptance. It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with my dx but I think I'm finally there.

I am, too, finally accepting my illness. I have bipolar not other wise specified, which is what i was diagnosed with years ago but i didn't know what to do about it. My pdoc would talk about avoidant personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, but i just couldn't put a finger on what i really had. But the best part is that there is a name for the pain and i can move on. Thanks for your post.

Welcome CozyMellie to PC and the bipolar thread. You have taken a huge step, so be proud of yourself. Acceptance is very important in treatment because once you accept it you can start being mindful of your illness. I know every now and then my mind raises the question still, but I know the answer. Congrats and I hope it really helps.

Im glad you finally got an actual diagnosis after so many many years of "not knowing" Thats something that alot of people need to hear to begin there life with Bipolar being part of it.

I am one the ones that say "I have Bipolar" I am not one to say "I am bipolar" seems a bit silly but to me its how I have accepted it ..

As you begin your journey on how to have a wonderful life you will learn coping skills and a heathy lifestyle to keep yourself as stable as possible.

Welcome to PC

Welcome. Acceptance is one I struggle with a lot. I've been diagnosed for over 20 years and I still can't accept it.

Hey there ! Welcome to PC.

I'm really glad you were able to hear the diagnosis and share it with your mom.

However, I urge you not to put too much emphasis on the label. Ultimately, what really matters is that you have some special challenges in life, and have to face them head on. The label is just a way for doctors and insurance companies to categorize us for treatment. Sometimes, people we tell it to understand the label, sometimes they dispose of us like garbage.

Big high five to you for maintaining discipline with exercise, diet, etc. Exercise can help people like us tremendously. Keep it up !

Feel free to PM me anytime.

I'm guessing your decision is influenced by stigma surrounding the illness ? If you had diabetes, would you mind saying "I'm diabetic." ? Not criticizing you at all, just saying it's unfortunate that you have to modify your sentence because of ignorance in the public mind. Or is it how you prefer it ?

That's a great and accurate way of looking at it - coping and stability. No such thing as a cure (don't let that scare you, OP). It's more about learning to live with the issues and alleviating them as much as possible. You can absolutely have a wonderful life, despite the issues.

I dont care about what society thinks .. Mine is a personal choice ..

I dont say I am cancer ..... I had cancer and in remission
I dont say I am mania ... I say I have Mania
I dont say I am depressed... I say I have depression at times.
I dont say I am anorexia .. I say I have Anorexia
Etc ,

I think alot of it is that I dont allow Bipolar or other physically illnesses to take over and become all my life is about.

For what it's worth, I still struggle with accepting my diagnosis. I'll think I've finally got it, but then something will happen that shows me I still have a ways to go. It's OK, this is a hard thing to adjust to and some people take a little longer to get there. You're still quite new to all this.....just be kind to yourself and let life unfold as it's meant to.

Thank you soooo much for the warm welcome everyone!! Even with just this one post, I am learning so much

Thank you so much. I get what you are saying! I struggle with addiction as well, so at 12 step meetings I have a problem saying "I am an addict". Instead I say, "I struggle with addiction", or "I am recovering from addiction". I think the words I use and how I say things makes a difference in how I think about myself.

Good ! Me neither Some people do.

CozyMellie: Hey, just curious - what kind of exercise and what kind of prayer/meditation do you do ?

Welcome to the forum and wish ya well

For exercise I do traditional boxing 3 times a week with a trainer - its expensive but I know I wouldn't exercise if I didn't have someone telling me what to do. I consider it an investment in myself/part of my treatment. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and it's changed my life in so many awesome ways.

I do this meditation method called "Centering Prayer" - it's basically a mantra based meditation. Or sometimes when I am really spacey or feeling scattered, I just sit and visualize my body as a tree with roots going down deep in the earth. If something at work frazzled me, I go to the bathroom and do that visualization for a few min. Visualizing this really helps calm me down. :-)

Cool. I really like your tree visualization idea ! Sounds very soothing and peaceful.

For me bipolar is just an intensity of real situations. I really do feel X way but maybe more intensely as I normally would. I am bipolar which means at times I'll "get the flu" without the flu part or get these awesome demented ideas that I must share with the world because they'll think there awesome as I do. I have a very hard time pigeon holding my moods no matter how much others try to get me to label things as mania or depression because to me it just is, I really do feel like this and labeling it depression, mania, or psychosis is dismissive. Saying that because I am bipolar I'll be less politically correct at times or slower isn't, in my opinion. A lot of people feel I don't accept my dx because of that and I'll be the first to admit I don't accept the intensity of it but it is just me ampt up.

My friends and family have grown to love those parts of me. Even if they do occasionally sit me down to tell me they are worried because I'm out there right now. I did have to accept that my ideas of a successful career was over because Amped up me is unacceptable to the general public but that's the publics fault not mine. I also had to accept that even if I'm financially a burden to society as the awesome human being that I am I give back way more when well than can monetarily be calculated.

So I guess I have a weird acceptance but I've never been one to have a normal way of approaching things. Hopefully I make sense I'm on my way to "la la land"

I have to agree with Christina. I don't ever say I'm bipolar. That sentence defines me and BP doesn't define who I am. I am someone living with BP.

I'm so against labels of any kind. If I had diabetes, I probably wouldn't define myself as a "diabetic".

There is stigma attached to everything. We are a judgmental society, unfortunately.