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#1
Sep 08, 2014, 05:44 PM
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I just feel so crushed by apathy right now. I suspected that the depression was partly due to my period and the invega wearing off and I was right because it has lifted slightly. But only slightly. And I'm just so tired. I don't care about anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep. My classes are painful. Usually I can at least smile at my students but I got nothing right now. I keep remembering how I used to be and it's so disheartening. Can I ever be that person again? Last year I could be cheerful. I could be happy. I could be excited. And this year nothing. No emotion. I hate being dead inside.
I have a therapist appt tomorrow and a pdoc appt the next day. I don't know where to go with meds. I feel like the topamax has done nothing since I started it so raising it would be useless. I'm afraid to add an AD as all my experiences with them have been negative. Really bad mania/mixed states. I can't see how one could break through the invega but what if? I just want to feel something again. My timehop reveals that last year I went to the Amish market. This year I spent literally the whole weekend, every moment I could anyway, in bed. I barely even did my chores. I haven't showered in a week, just been getting by with washing my hair. I'm not severely depressed because I'm not suicidal (only passively so) and I'm only having passing urges to SI. I just...want some life back. Anyone relate?
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 kaliope, Lemon Curd, StayinAlive, ~Christina
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#2
Sep 08, 2014, 06:04 PM
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I relate. I am mildly depressed and very inactive. Going for groceries this morning was really strenuous. I just want to lay around. I would wish to feel different but the only option is mania and i do not want that more than i do not want this so i will put up with it. It would sure be nice to be in the middle but i can't remember being that except as a small kid.
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| Lemon Curd, StayinAlive
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 wildflowerchild25
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#3
Sep 08, 2014, 06:11 PM
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it is nice to see someone else who measures depression by being suicidal...lol....I remember crying through a pdoc appt and him asking me if I was depressed and I kept saying no because I wasn't suicidal. he thought I was out of my mind. I know meds were the answer for me, the right meds...and it took a lot of experimentation to find them. and like you said, the Topamax doesn't seem to be doing it so it doesn't make sense to raise the dose. I didn't let pdocs do that, or drag out for months. if I didn't see results in the first couple months I was off it and on to the next one. luckily I found the right AD fairly quickly. wellbutrin did it for me. it didn't trigger a mania. Zoloft triggered the worse one of my life. it was frustrating to try so many meds but well worth it as I have been living a "normal" life for years now. haven't been depressed for five years now and off the AD. only took it for two years. it just took patience. and a patient pdoc. take care.
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| StayinAlive
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| wildflowerchild25
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#4
Sep 10, 2014, 04:00 PM
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It was better yesterday, signaling a possible overall mood change coming up soon, but today I'm back down in the dumps. I'm so discouraged. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to get fired over this. I just....wanna get better.
Seeing pdoc today. Hoping sure has an idea.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| ~Christina
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#5
Sep 10, 2014, 06:26 PM
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How did your appointment go ?
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#6
Sep 11, 2014, 12:14 PM
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She's staring me on Wellbutrin. I'm worried about possible mania but I'm willing to give it a try. I just won't be stupid this time and I'll call her if things start going out of control. I need something for this. Maybe it will help. Here's to hoping.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| ~Christina
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#7
Sep 11, 2014, 01:18 PM
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Quote:
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Bipolar II, possibly rapid cycling Misdiagnosed with major depression for 15 years. Current meds: Lamictal (generic) 300 mg Wellbutrin (generic) 150 mg Effexor ER (generic) 300 mg Topomax (generic) 100 mg Klonopin (generic) as needed High-dose Vitamin D Previously taken: Abilify Depakote Pristiq Trazodone Taken when misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder: Prozac Lexapro Zoloft Paxil |
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#8
Sep 11, 2014, 01:33 PM
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Wellbutrin on top of Prozac helped me allot.
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Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
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#9
Sep 11, 2014, 02:49 PM
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Wellbutrin was a good Med for me hope it helps you.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#10
Sep 11, 2014, 08:56 PM
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I was on Prozac, Wellbutrin and Ambien for over 10 years. Was not a good combination for me. I was only seeing my family dr then. I finally asked for a referral to a psychiatrist. He took me off of them instantly. On Seroquel and Vyvance now. Seems to be better. We'll see. What works for one person doesn't always work for someone else
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#11
Sep 11, 2014, 09:36 PM
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Wild ... Just a thought .. Why not post here (this thread) daily ? Alot of us know you and know how your were a hot mess a while back.. Maybe if we notice your posting is a bit "off" we can let you know ? Just a thought
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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