[Zebra821]

This isn't the first time I've been told this. I used to sing, play flute, read, write stories, hike, sew, play tons of video games. In the past two years I've just struggled to keep focus on anything for more than a few minutes. I just find happiness in my brain resting, because it doesn't do that a lot anymore. I'm either way way up and doing crazy things or I'm so down I start to cut and pick and self mutilate. When I'm lucid and sane I'm just thankful to sit and relish in the moment. But it's ruining my relationships with other people. I view them as an obligation, as something I HAVE to tend to and entertain. My boyfriend thinks I have no hobbies, I try to explain to him that I do, that I just can't keep focus and am so exhausted mentally and physically (I'm so tired all the time, I fall asleep randomly, can't stay awake during a full daylight period.) I just try to keep up with myself. Hobbies are overwhelming right now.

He doesn't get it and thinks we're doomed. My friends think I don't like them. I wish I could put this illness on a shelf and give them all the attention and time they deserve, but I can't even remember to take my meds half the time, let alone satisfy other people's needs.

Does this make sense?

[Hobbit House]

you make perfect sense!

[Mountainbard]

Hiya Zebra,

I agree with Hobbit House. I think you make perfect sense. The question is, what to do about it? I wish I had a good answer for that, but if I did I'd be rich. All I can say is if hobbies are overwhelming right now, concentrate on one hobby, or don't worry about having put them aside for now.

The larger issue is this: "In the past two years I've just struggled to keep focus on anything for more than a few minutes." That's a long time to be suffering as you are. You have to take care of yourself before you can care for others, and from your own description you're in a place now where you need more help than you're getting. So I urge you to find ways to get more/better help.

As to your relationship w/your b/f, I would say your b/f needs to educate himself about your illness (and not by talking to you. He needs to be supportive and understanding to help you through this.

Take the above for what it's worth. I'm not in your shoes so all I can do is make suggestions, as above, and let you know that I and many others here care, and will offer you all the support we can.

all the best,
Randy

[lilypup]

Sounds EXACTLY like me when depressed.

[vjdragonfly]

Sounds like you are depressed to me. I agree with mountainbard, I would seek out help, therapist would be great. If you have a pdoc I would suggest let him/ her know what is going on with you. I can relate to not having the energy to cope with other ppl. I live near my family and I really don't interact with them. I just want to be home, doing my own thing. Stress is a major trigger for me so I try to avoid those situations. Try telling your friends you are in a funk and just need some alone time. No need to go into details. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. Don't be so hard on yourself, it only makes it worse

[Curious651]

Understand the trying to please family and begrudgingly doing what have to do, but not wanting to be there. Had that happen today. Was asked (expected) to go to the store with family member. Wound up two flipping hours away in a different state. Whole way in head racing thoughts trying to be social and all I was thinking is what the f? Jumped from one emotion to another bouncing back to anger for no reason. At one point I was asked and I asked to head home, but seemed to be ignored. Went further away and just could not enjoy. It should have been nice and enjoyable, was not. Long story, I get your point.