Anybody else on here gone through a true psychosis?

These ppl are overworked and underpaid for the most part I think. But if you have money, u get can get the best psychiatric care this country has to offer, it sucks.

That's awful!! I don't know what makes people like that choose this field. Control?

Idk, that place was a zoo. I refuse to go back there. It was a lot of severe drug addicts and stuff and the staff were really hardened...It's sad...

I've been in three psych wards. The worst one had a very perverse psychiatrist and there were no books or anything for stimulation. All I had was a window with a view of a small courtyard, which we weren't allowed into. It was winter, so nothing green was in bloom.

I was terrified, but managed to hold it together long enough to be transferred to another facility. At that facility the staff played head games.

At the third place my mattress was on the floor and one of the staff wore ruby shoes, which upset me. They were actual shoes with red rhinestones. I believed they'd been taken from me by theft. I used to walk the halls and look for her so I could see my shoes.

One of the male nurses would hang out by my door while using his computer on a cart. I was paranoid that he wanted me to give him a BJ. Silly, I know, but you know how it is.

You can have bipolar and psychosis without having schizoaffective.

I've had many psychotic episodes. The first one happened before I was diagnosed, I got on the subway after work and every time I met someone's eyes I could hear their thoughts and they were telling me to die. I almost went through with it but went to the hospital. The second time it happened was in the hospital, I believed that by not killing myself that day I had broken free of destiny and anyone who came in contact with me would be hurt.

And that's just two of them. There are others where I would discover special messages or the power to heal people, etc.

In general though, I haven't had bad hospital experiences. The last time, two nurses forced me to go through many many needle pokes for a blood draw, including one that gushed blood because her hand slipped, but there was nothing personal about it, they just wanted to get their job done and didn't care if it caused me distress. She just couldn't get a blood draw, tried several times, and when her hand slipped and blood went everywhere I tried to refuse to let her continue but she and another nurse basically forced me to let them keep going until they had the blood. It took at least 8 pokes and digging around on both arms combined. The next day, while still inpatient, I complained to their superiors and learned they were supposed to stop after 3 tries and wait until the next day. But again, it's not like she personally wanted to hurt me. She just wanted to get her job done in one day instead of having to pass it off to tomorrow's nurse. I complained, and never saw her again. I put the experience behind me.

The only thing that made me uncomfortable, again about the last hospital experience, was that they would often lock the far end of the ward to keep wanderers or upset people inside, and my room was in the far end. They offered to lock me in my room for my own "safety" because of the other people, but I refused and sat in the dining room all day instead.

Yeah, here we have a good hospital and a couple bad ones...

Once I change to this new agency, hopefully I will just go to the nice hospital.

Theatre, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Boy, this thread is really pissing me off. These people are supposed to be taking care of us, not hurting us.

Well the hospital I just got out of was a good experience. The nurses liked their jobs and it had aroma therapy classes and stuff. I took a class I learned a lot out of. They aren't all bad. And I really, really like my pdoc. It's not all bad.

I basically blacked out for two weeks. Not really eating, barely sleeping, maybe a total of two hours a night. I was functional to some degree, but apparently people were very concerned. There were conversations I had only imagined. I couldn't tell the difference between what I had said and only thought. Il couldn't tell between dreams and reality. I would get very upset because i thought someone had used my bank card and obsessively checked it or thought someone was supposed to meet me somewhere and didn't show. I just knew I felt severely depressed and was trying to hide it. People told me that I was acting agressively after the fact, but i have no idea what they are talking about. The best way I can describe it after ending up in the ER is that my brain felt shattered. It took me awhile to get back to some degree of "normal" though I never really completely recovered and I am scared everyday it will happen again. The worst part was when my best friend since highschool later told me she could tell something was going on, but was in a place where she had to deal with her own problems and essentially couldn't take me on. It ruined our friendship. We are still friends, but I will never trust her or reach out if I end up in a bad place.

You posting story and style reminds me of a person that use to post here.

I have Bipolar I with psychotic features.

I have been full blown psychotic a handful of times in my life. Yeah it sucks. I have always been lucky when it comes to IP services. No I am not a rich person by any means. I think the fact that I have a great Pdoc and T are a big help. I have learned my triggers and I am self aware enough to notice if I am declining into an episode and I am proactive in getting help before I have no choice but to go IP. I'm sure at some point it will sneak up on me and I will not catch it it will just be something I have to manage through. Life isnt always fair.

These stories of psych wards are scaring me. I hope they're not all like that. My pdoc tried to encourage me into one last week, but I avoided that and am working to get on track without it.

About the topic of the thread: I have not had a psychotic break, but I have a question about the shadow people that someone mentioned. When I'm really stressed and in a dark place, I wake up to shadow people (usually one, but different ones on different nights and sometimes more than one but that's unusual). When this happens, I'm still somewhat asleep, and I don't think of them as hostile. Since I'm not fully awake, I haven't thought much of this, but this is the first time I've heard anyone else talk about shadow people. What is this about? Should I be worried?

It scary having these feeling who can you trust with them the constant nagging feeling that they are out to get me and I will be treated as a lab experinment I scary where do you go who will believe you and who can you trust ???//

They're not all like that. I've had mostly good experiences in them and I've been there quite frequently. As for shadow people I don't think you should be worried as you see them mostly in a semi sleep state.

My psychosis didn't go on for long thank god. I got hospitalized before it could continue. It started with me thinking my husband was controlling me with my medication. Eventually it devolved into thinking people could hear my thoughts, thinking someone was trying to get me to kill myself by telling me to in my head. Then I thought since that person wanted me dead and I didn't know who it was then everyone was suspect. It was pretty terrible. I locked myself In the bathroom at partial care because I was sure those people could read my thoughts and wanted me dead.

Since then I've had moments of weirdness...once in group I thought I wasn't real anymore and that half the group members weren't real and had been replaced by robots. But I thought that was irrational so I pushed it away. I had the tv talk to me. But again I knew that was impossible so I pushed it away. Since I've been on invega I haven't had any breakthrough symptoms.

When I was under severe stress as a teenager I had an episode where I thought god was talking to me and wanted me to become a nun. It was night time and I told my father to take me to the church so I could speak to the priest there. He didn't take me.

Another time I was sure that a boy I knew drugged me somehow by holding my hand and I was afraid I was on acid or something. I had to sit out of the dance class and calm down. A nurse I danced with gave me a neck/shoulder massage and told me I shouldn't be under this much stress at my age. Both times I was under severe stress and both times as a teenager.

It hasn't happened since.