[aklittle]

I've had many symptoms for several years that I think could mean I am bipolar, but since I'm still in my teens I'm not sure if mood swings of this severity are normal. So it all started when I was about 8 years old: I started feeling severely depressed, suicidal, self-harming, restricting my food, and overall just really hating myself, especially my appearance. Then as years went on I developed some serious eating disorders for about 2 years until I eventually tried to kill myself in 2011 when I was just 13. After that I got help and pulled myself out of depression--and then completely flipped the other way. I started feeling like I was literally the most amazing person on the planet, having zero insecurities, and believing that I could and should rule the world. I felt completely out of control, like I was high all the time and like my words would come out before I had time to filter them at all, when before I was a very level-headed composed kid. That lasted for months until I came crashing down again for a couple weeks and then finally leveled out. But it wasn’t long until I experienced the same thing again. I've just come off of my 4th or 5th episode of what I believe may be mania, where I spend all my money on raves, binge drink every weekend, and participate in sexual acts wayyy beyond what I should be for this age, and justify it all because I have this fear of dying with regrets and huge bursts of energy. I usually experience a couple months of this out of control feeling, accompanied with a feeling like my life is on high speed and some paranoia at night that only lets me have a couple hours of sleep a night, and either level out for a month or so and go back to that or have a couple weeks of depression between. Its starting to affect my relationships because I cut off my family and tell them huge elaborate lies to get away with the crazy things I do and my friends get sick of my extreme obnoxious confidence, and my schooling as well because I either am too elated to worry about it or Im too depressed to function. I feel like my family and my doctor will simply dismiss this all as teen hormones so I wanted some perspective from people who have been diagnosed and experience bipolar disorder first hand.

[Victoria'smom]

Stop all drug intake a lot of doctors will not diagnoses you with bipolar if you have used recently. Tell your parents you need to go to the doctors and get a complete check up including blood work. Start taking a multi vitamin and try to get to sleep by 11, even on week ends sorry. Ask your parents to see a clinical psychologist, they can't prescribe medications in most state but can diagnose. They will tell you if medication may help you.

Don't expect a diagnosis of bipolar as a child/teen currently kids are being diagnosed with mood disorder nos because mental illness evolves in children as hormones and the brain changes. That doesn't mean you wont be treated with bipolar drugs just you'll have a more flexible diagnosis.

As horrifyingly scary as it is be completely honest and say EVERYTHING to your doctors answer there questions in as much detail as possible. The more information they have the better they can help. Even if you think they'll say "this person is seriously in sain." They've heard way worse and if you are designated as a "crisis" it's not a bad thing there are several programs to treat kids. Be completely honest about your drug usage they can't tell your parents. The only time that confidentiality can be broken is if the therapist feel you can not keep yourself from causing great physical harm to yourself or others. Usually this does not include self harm, sex or drugs but ask your therapist about their policy at intake. Here's the thing if a therapist feels your parents should know something s/he may encourage you to talk to your parents with or without them. My son has called me into his therapists office so that his therapist could tell me things he just couldn't voice.

As for weather you have bipolar or not. It's possible but realize either way you need help. You have a history of eating disorder,self mutilation, drug use (not to be confused with abuse), promiscuity, history of suicide, bouts of paranoia, and mood fluctuations that are all effecting you physical and mental health. Try not to put a label to the issue. If your completely open and honest they'll give you a label themselves. Welcome to the board.

[Mountainbard]

Hi aklittle, I'm no doctor but I am BP2 and this sure sounds like bipolar to me. Your doctor should definitely NOT dismiss these experiences, whether your family does or not. If you're worried about talking to your doctor, maybe print out your post and take it in for them to read?

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I'm glad you're wanting to get help at such a young age. I was 43 before I got help, and 58 before I was correctly diagnosed (long story). Anyway aklittle, good luck-- and welcome to the forums! You'll find a lot of support and good people here.

all the best,
Randy

[8thstreetbungalow]

I am clinically diagnosed Bipolar 1. Since 2009. I still to this day, have no clue what a manic episode is. Yea i know the technical definition, but I dont feel as if i have ever expierenced it to the point i KNOW what it is. When im done and reflect i can think "ok im alittle manic". Point im trying to make here is the internet and research can be a bad thing. You can obsess over something that, may not even be true, and look for answers constantly. Then through your research and obsession you start to manifest the actions of your obsession inside yourself and pretend it to be true believing its true.

[aklittle]

Thanks everyone for the responses The point about the internet research is very true and that is what worries me the most about getting help bc ik it can warp your perception. This is what kept me from seeking help until going through the same feelings over and over again, bc I didn't want to be dramatic or anything. But at the same time I barely knew what bipolar meant until after my first time of feeling "manic" when coming down off the high and realizing something was totally off with me. So I was feeling the symptoms long before I had even known what they were. I will definitely be seeing the doctor soon as lately I've unfortunately been facing another severe wave of depression. I'll keep the advice of staying completely honest and not focus on any specific 'diagnosis' when talking to my doctor. Once again, thanks for all the support and advice

[Curious651]

Most docs will wait till you are off all influences (drink drugs). Prior to dx. Sounds as though you are having symptoms and could be something else going on. My suggestion is to get off everything and see pdoc for thorough assessment. I was with someone today that found out they are bp and they took it hard. Please remember a dx is not what defines you. You define you. A dx only describes our symptoms for insurance purposes. Don't get me wrong, it can help with understanding and guide with choices. Best wishes!