Wake up fine, think I'm better...then bam

At points during the day I feel "normal", like right now I am ok. I think thank goodness I am back to normal and this episode has passed...and then it comes slamming back. This has been happening every day for a few weeks. My whole day is a roller coaster. These moments of feeling fine make me think I am faking and then I feel guilty for faking and then I am crying on the bathroom floor and know it is for real and then I am fine again and think it's all in my head that I making this up. ugh

I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I've had the same thing happen. I doubt myself in episodes all the time - think, maybe I'm just making this all up for attention or something. But I don't think that's the case. I think it's real unfortunately. Hopefully soon you will stabilize and the roller coaster will even out.

Wait did I write this post? I totally could have. I have thought every single thing you just said. My episodes have almost always been like that. They are rarely pure. It is an awful mindfreak. Because you have no idea what is real and what is happening and you feel normal and think "see I really am fine why am I being such a freak....and then hours later you're letting the vibrations from your shower fan penetrate your skull as you lie catatonic yet raging with tears streaming from nowhere on your bathroom floor just amazed by the power the whole thing has over you and thinking wow maybe I am completely crazy cuz this seems like a crazy thing to be doing.

Yep I've been there is what I meant to say.

Hugs and peace to you.

The feeling of faking it is one of my biggest issues. I am 38 and was first hospitalized with an eating disorder at 13, suicide attempt at 17, er visits during college, etc etc. Then I think, how could I be faking for over 25 years? But sometimes I am totally fine. Then I also have to remind myself that I am on meds and that's probably why I am fine most of the time!

I do this and it means I am getting better overall, but just not quite there yet.

happens to me also

Happens to me as well. In bathroom right now freakin angry, p off for no reason and trying to isolate.

IMO if this continues, you are going to have to do something about it. Hang in there!

I just realized that most of my posts when I'm unwell are at night. So I guess I'm the same. I think that's why everyone is Gerry warehouse around me in episode.

O.M.G. Ozzy -- (and Capriciousness) it was almost spooky reading your post(s). It is exactly what I have going on lately! The only difference is that I don't feel like I'm faking it (never do have that fear), but instead feeling like I'm making too much fuss, because it keeps coming back around to generally normal. (And the timeframe is inconsistent, but if pressed would guess that it leans toward the morning and late night being the worst.)
It's frustrating.

You are not alone. I've been there and it still happens. I never knew anyone else experienced this. I have rapid cycling so it's all erratic and frequent.

Take care. It will be ok!

Woke up today feeling fine and with a quiet mind. Sometimes I think I over think- but it's hard not to analyze every mood when you know outcomes of those moods may not be desirable.