[JigssawFeeling]

Hi,

I've recently met a girl, she's from the same course in my University and we've been together very often for almost a month now. We click really well and have many common interests and at times think about the exact same thing, we have a lot of fun etc. She's unlike any girl I've ever met and she's basically glued to me.

This is where it gets sad. If I'd push it forward, we'd make a great couple. The problem is, she doesn't arouse me. Her appearance. She has great hair, I love her hair. I just can't find the physical attraction in her.. and I'm so disappointed.

We've gone so far that I know stuff about her which makes "telling her off" impossibly difficult for me. Every day I think about her, I think how great she is and at the same time I don't think I deserve her, I feel like I'm just getting her hopes up. Moreover, if I'm together with her all the time, while in Uni & while out drinking, people start to think we're a thing and I couldn't chat up any other gals and so on.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How'd it go? What did you feel like, what did you do? I just feel like I'm running every day into a wall.

Originally Posted by JigssawFeeling

Hi,

I've recently met a girl, she's from the same course in my University and we've been together very often for almost a month now. We click really well and have many common interests and at times think about the exact same thing, we have a lot of fun etc. She's unlike any girl I've ever met and she's basically glued to me.

This is where it gets sad. If I'd push it forward, we'd make a great couple. The problem is, she doesn't arouse me. Her appearance. She has great hair, I love her hair. I just can't find the physical attraction in her.. and I'm so disappointed.

We've gone so far that I know stuff about her which makes "telling her off" impossibly difficult for me. Every day I think about her, I think how great she is and at the same time I don't think I deserve her, I feel like I'm just getting her hopes up. Moreover, if I'm together with her all the time, while in Uni & while out drinking, people start to think we're a thing and I couldn't chat up any other gals and so on.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How'd it go? What did you feel like, what did you do? I just feel like I'm running every day into a wall.

Hello JigsawFeeling: Do you feel you don't deserve her because she doesn't arouse you? I take it you mean you don't feel sexually attracted to her? It sounds to me like what you're saying is you like her as a friend but not as a potential romantic interest. If that's the case, & you're sure about it, I'd say end it now, before it gets any more complicated than it already is.

It is certainly possible that, over time, the arousal factor might develop out of the "friendship" feelings you currently have. However, especially when you're young, the romantic, or arousal, factor is very important too. And, if it's just not there, you're going to be looking around for it, she's going to notice, & it's just going to harm your relationship. At least this is my perspective with regard to what you've written. Good luck...

[JigssawFeeling]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hello JigsawFeeling: Do you feel you don't deserve her because she doesn't arouse you? I take it you mean you don't feel sexually attracted to her? It sounds to me like what you're saying is you like her as a friend but not as a potential romantic interest. If that's the case, & you're sure about it, I'd say end it now, before it gets any more complicated than it already is.

It is certainly possible that, over time, the arousal factor might develop out of the "friendship" feelings you currently have. However, especially when you're young, the romantic, or arousal, factor is very important too. And, if it's just not there, you're going to be looking around for it, she's going to notice, & it's just going to harm your relationship. At least this is my perspective with regard to what you've written. Good luck...

Thank you, this gave me some thoughts.

[BlackSheep79]

When I met my husband I was not attracted to him physically for the longest time. It was very troubling for me because I felt so differently about him compared to anyone I had ever met before. We had a connection that I had never experienced before with someone, but then what made it so confusing for me was I had NO physical attraction to him. Eventually it did happen and we have been together for twelve years so far. This is just my experience, and it may not be the case for you.

[JigssawFeeling]

Originally Posted by BlackSheep79

When I met my husband I was not attracted to him physically for the longest time. It was very troubling for me because I felt so differently about him compared to anyone I had ever met before. We had a connection that I had never experienced before with someone, but then what made it so confusing for me was I had NO physical attraction to him. Eventually it did happen and we have been together for twelve years so far. This is just my experience, and it may not be the case for you.

Oh, that's really sweet actually, how it turned out.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by BlackSheep79

When I met my husband I was not attracted to him physically for the longest time. It was very troubling for me because I felt so differently about him compared to anyone I had ever met before. We had a connection that I had never experienced before with someone, but then what made it so confusing for me was I had NO physical attraction to him. Eventually it did happen and we have been together for twelve years so far. This is just my experience, and it may not be the case for you.

Exactly the same as me. My husband and I were "best friends" at Uni for a year before any sort of relationship developed. I didn't initially have feelings for him in THAT way and saw him as more of a friend than anything else. Probably because I hadn't fallen in love with him just yet. It was very obvious from the beginning that clearly he had more feelings for me than visa versa. I still remember the first time we kissed. Felt weird but a few drinks at a club were probably to blame! Remember my husband was a patient man waiting for me. Your lady might not be as patient. My husband is now my happily ever after after 12 years of marriage and two kids. Can't imagine being with anyone else but him!