I find that my upswings are pretty obvious, but depression is different. I feel like I get sort of down in general but can still function (albeit not quite as well), can still laugh and make jokes, get up and do stuff etc. (sometimes I think I'm even okay for a little bit...though it always feels fleeting), but then during these times there will be hours or days when it gets really really bad, and not for any identifiable reason. The whole period can last months and during this time I have much less energy, motivation, interest, but it's all sort of a haze...in contrast to the clarity and energy I feel when hypomanic.

are your depressions like this, or more defined? Does this even count as depression?

[Victoria'smom]

My depression feels like the flu without the flu. I get really sensitive too but I can keep face. Until I just shut down and stop responding or my suicidal/self harm thoughts get so bad that it's all I can think of and in-vision. This past winter was the first time I actually said the words "I'm depressed". Which is a big step for me. It's not that I didn't know but saying things out loud make thing so much more real.

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by thepterodactyl

I find that my upswings are pretty obvious, but depression is different. I feel like I get sort of down in general but can still function (albeit not quite as well), can still laugh and make jokes, get up and do stuff etc. (sometimes I think I'm even okay for a little bit...though it always feels fleeting), but then during these times there will be hours or days when it gets really really bad, and not for any identifiable reason. The whole period can last months and during this time I have much less energy, motivation, interest, but it's all sort of a haze...in contrast to the clarity and energy I feel when hypomanic.

are your depressions like this, or more defined? Does this even count as depression?

YES! I am in a depression now and the severity comes and goes. This morning I was crying, at lunch with my family I was fine, and now I am just down and tired and physically feeling yucky. I will have breakdown moments but those are less than an hour. My hypo is usually just irritability or I can tell I am in that mind state when I crave going out and doing fun, but reckless, things.

I am always able to function no matter what my mood is. That is a blessing and a curse. I may not be as quick with it, but everything in my life still gets taken care of- which is why to others it never looks like I am depressed.

[Hopeful Camel]

My mania is very clear cut. My depression can be like a lingering cold [Much like MiguelsMom described...the flu without the flu], it just sort of hangs around and makes life difficult, but not entirely impossible. I'm in a depression right now. Sometimes I can't tell if I am sick physically or mentally, is that weird? Often, I wish it would just hit and be done with.

You all have put into words my own experience very well...it's like everything is just heavier/muddier - physically, psychologically, emotionally. I also become less social, don't call family/friends nearly as much, cancel plans/call into work or school sick etc., get overwhelmed easily w/ more anxious thoughts.

I think having depression can trick you into thinking that depression is your 'baseline', at least that's my experience.

Lately I'm not even that sad, just exhausted...I miss the manic energy and unbridled sense of wonder and hope At times like this it's hard to even remember feeling like that, as if it was just a mirage or a dream

Sounds very familiar, thepterodactyl. As far as counting as depression (I'm pretty big on determining what (for myself) "counts", too.), I'd say yes. After all, you can use words like "mild", "moderate", "severe" etc. to dial in the description of what you're experiencing. They're all depression, but they aren't the same. Like what you say about feeling it tricking you into thinking it might be your baseline, I relate. I have a tendency to discount lesser degrees. Severe is obvious. The others often confuse me. Especially, like you say, when the severity shifts around for no discernible reason. Extra confusing.

One thing you mention I especially relate to. The feeling of overwhelm. It's a pretty good indicator for me, because it's so in-my-face. The less it takes, the worse I know it is.

Oh. And my upswings tend to be more clear cut. Appearing as irritability can sometimes confuse me though.

[HolisticGal]

My upswings too are clear cut as either:

a) euphoric giddy; the center of attention or socially cool gal
b) hypersexual with a HIGH interest in unavailable non-marriage minded men
c) super anxious, rapid speech, self injurious by stupid mistakes while rushing
d) extra sharpened skills; irritated with idiots around me who are too slow to catch up with me

I'm fully functioning during both up and down, but my depressions are not clear cut other than my complete lack of sex drive and lack of desire to attend social events. Out of a need for normalcy, I force myself to partake in healthy activities and then may begin to return to baseline for a short period during these events.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by HolisticGal

My upswings too are clear cut as either:

a) euphoric giddy; the center of attention or socially cool gal
b) hypersexual with a HIGH interest in unavailable non-marriage minded men
c) super anxious, rapid speech, self injurious by stupid mistakes while rushing
d) extra sharpened skills; irritated with idiots around me who are too slow to catch up with me

I'm fully functioning during both up and down, but my depressions are not clear cut other than my complete lack of sex drive and lack of desire to attend social events. Out of a need for normalcy, I force myself to partake in healthy activities and then may begin to return to baseline for a short period during these events.

This describes me to a "T"! Thankyou for sharing.

[middlepath]

I experience low-grade depression like MM said, too. The only thing I can add is that I get the chills every night when i am depressed (low-grade or severe). I don't usually get chills during the day, but the second the sun goes down, ugh... I also tend to think I am overwhelmed and there is no way out from under a heap of responsibility, which just adds to my down-mood sometimes.

Side note...I haven't been depressed in more than a year and a half now and I have slipped into low-grade depression. It sounds weird, but it almost feels like an old friend right now. I don't want my "friend" to stay very long like it usually does, but nonetheless there is a very nostalgic feeling that I am experiencing this time. I haven't felt that before.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Hopeful Camel

My mania is very clear cut. My depression can be like a lingering cold [Much like MiguelsMom described...the flu without the flu], it just sort of hangs around and makes life difficult, but not entirely impossible. I'm in a depression right now. Sometimes I can't tell if I am sick physically or mentally, is that weird? Often, I wish it would just hit and be done with.

THIS. ^^