[daniyella34]

Hi my name is Danielle. I have never blogged before but I have always read them. I have been dealing with bipolar type 1 and borderline personality disorder for 3 long years. I have been hospitalized 2 times and have had many medication changes. I am using this to reach out for help. I have more manic episodes than I do depressive ones. At this present time o am manic and have been for 4 weeks. I am in the middle of a med change and I don't sleep. I sleep for 2 hours a night. I was to my Dr today and expressed to them how I was feeling, I expressed that I felt invincible and that I don't trust myself because of how impulsive I am. I have a really hard time accepting that I have this disorder, my family is in denial about that his and blames it on hormones because of other problems I have medically. This makes it hard on me because I constantly have them telling me it's all in my head and I need to get a grip and snap out of it. It's so much harder than that, if that were the case I wouldn't be in this state of mind. I recently started a new job and I have a boss who likes to well I don't really know how to put it but wants me to be this skinny girl and constantly telling me I'm overweight and I need to diet. Well easier said than done being on psych meds. This really hurts my self esteem. It's low to begin with.*
I see my therapist once a week. I called her today after my appointment and expressed my feelings. She is going to try and make me an appointment for tomorrow but if not then I have one friday with her. I'm not sure what to do at this point because I need help. I need to be healthy and stable. I have never been stable for more than 2 months. I have so much more to say but I will keep it at this.

[Victoria'smom]

What your boss is doing is wrong. Family has difficulty seeing bipolar because 1. they are to close. 2. They don't want to see you struggle with another condition. I hope your therapist can see you tomorrow. Welcome to our forum.

[Crazy Hitch]

Welcome Danielle. Nice to see you here.

I am sorry for the situation you are currently in. I know first hand how psychiatric medication can cause weight gain, and having bpd aswell, with the self esteem issues, is like mixing oil and water. I'm on seroquel at the moment because it's the best one to stabilizing my mood and right now I'd rather get my mind healthy first before I tackle other things. Yes, there are other antipsychotics like saphris that can be more weight neutral, but for me, personally, it doesn't stabilise my mood so it's a catch 22 situation. Your boss is crossing the line. Full stop. There are certain things that are socially unacceptable to say to someone. Weight is one of those issues. So know that he is the one with the problem, not you. So yes, you can continue to hold it to heart and take it personally. Or take two steps backwards and say to yourself (not your boss!) - hang on, who really has the issue here!

As for your family. Take a side step. Doesn't sound like much you say will win them over / convince them of your disorders. You can continue to try fight it and prove your point. Which will continue to upset you. Or you can regain the power and say to yourself I know who I am and I don't need affirmation.

Be well.