[bumble2u]

I'm going to type this just how it is, just how it feels. I have been keeping things in. Listening to my other half. His upset, his sadness, his fear. When the other is hurting you try not to add to that load. Secret sadness and day upon day. I mean less. Doing so well not drinking pretending not to mind the booze on his breath. Him loaded... me not any more. I want to drink I really do. mostly it is me with myself feeling nothing. Feeling panic because I can't meet expectations.
Just took a third job .Every hour not here is now every hour for someone else. I had dared to believe just a little bit that I might be able to achieve something more but now I see that just not going to happen. nothing will happen. Nothing goes in, stopped eating, I guess I feel I need to earn it.
no one will know i exist for whatever anyone else needs. I have isolated myself from people i know many people superficially and none close. my fault I don't do close. the person who is supposed to come and check on me didn't come. but this is ok . for really there is nothing to say.
So this is my annual i feel alone, post, then regret it.
Currently very confused as to not feel what i'm feeling

[jelly-bean]

I am so sorry that you are having a bad time right now. I see that you are on meds but maybe you need to talk to the doctor and see if he need to change them or the dosage a bit. Congratulations on not giving in to the drinking urge. I know that must be terribly hard for you but you have the strength to resist it and I think that's wonderful. I think you need to consider spending some time apart from your other half if that is at all possible. He is not good for your health, either mental or physical.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry for the way you are feeling right now.

Boy is it hard to put up with all of it and at times it can frustrate the hell out of me.

It's draining. It's tortourous to keep things inside. It's like living a double life, waiting to implode.

Don't regret your post. I like it because it makes me know that I am not alone in all this $h1t!

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by jelly-bean

I am so sorry that you are having a bad time right now. I see that you are on meds but maybe you need to talk to the doctor and see if he need to change them or the dosage a bit. Congratulations on not giving in to the drinking urge. I know that must be terribly hard for you but you have the strength to resist it and I think that's wonderful. I think you need to consider spending some time apart from your other half if that is at all possible. He is not good for your health, either mental or physical.

Thank you for listening. Apparently my lithium is fine. Just crashed today.

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I'm sorry for the way you are feeling right now.

Boy is it hard to put up with all of it and at times it can frustrate the hell out of me.

It's draining. It's tortourous to keep things inside. It's like living a double life, waiting to implode.

Don't regret your post. I like it because it makes me know that I am not alone in all this $h1t!

Thank you for your comments. Sucks when you know this is it forever. Hope you are ok