Is it bipolar?

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum so let me introduce myself. I'm 18 years old and for the last 3 years I have been battleing mental illness. I'm writing on this to ask other oppinoins here about if some of the experinces I talk about can be looked as bipolar episodes.for some background information I started using drugs in my freshman year of highschool for 9 months before going into the hospital. My drug of choice was amphetamine.

So the first time I had a 'episode' was in the beginning of my sopmore in highschool. I was having a extreme feeling of being 'wired' I slept anywhere from 4-5 hours per night whice is very little for me. At this time i didint use any stimulant drug for at least a month since this mental change happened. I started having intense homicdal thoughts out of nowhere. I even learned how to make bombs. I felt like I could play god with rqndome peoples lives. It gave me this feeling of euphoria. A euphoria so much greater than all the aderal I could ever eat (mind you I WASNT on drugs) I started even selling knives at school for whatever reason, I just felt so invincable like I would never be caught. So this all came crashing down when I eventually went to the hospital for homicidal ideation when I braged about my ideas to my therapist. I was at inpatient for 18 days and the put me on celexa. I stopped taking it as soon as I got out of the hospital because I didn't need any drugs to feel good (this was just my thought at the time) eventually I guess that feeling past and I felt normal again like that never even happened to me. Fast forward another year and the same thing happened to me. It was slightly less intense, but those symtoms were there, I was euphoric, had tons of energy, short temper, homicidal ideation, felt until of the world. So that's when I ended up in the hospital again lol. This time I was put on risperidol. For the next year or so I kept switching my medications. Right now I'm on lamictal and wellbutrin. But anyways, eventually all of those symptoms fadded away after about 2 months. And then about 6 months later I went into a deep, DEEP depression which threw me off guard because I never felt like that in my life. The depression lasted a long 4 months. No self injury, but suicidal ideation was there. I didn't go to the hospital thoufh, as my therapist was understanding and knew that I wasn't actually going to kill myself. Just wanted to die and felt like a vegatable. So my psychiatrist prescribed my efexor which again brought me right back up to that wired state. I felt very euphoric and impulsive, but my agressoin wasn't there so no homicidal ideation. I kept getting in trouble with school, and parents and cheated on my girlfriend (I regret this so much). So here we are, 6 months later and I dont know what all of this is. Im feeling weird, like have a lot of anxiety (I'm pretty sure this is a totally other issue) but I started abusing achole. I was drug free for 2 years and I just started drinking daily for a month. Well after that it made me sad. That lasted for another week and now I'm slower feeling better. Well I feel very flat which I hate.

So my question to you all is: does this sound somthing like bipolar or is it somthing else? I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar with my current psychiatrist, he says I have depression and anxiety. The psychiatrists at the hospital said somthing about bipolar 1. So please give me some feedback. This is more of an interest to see what's really going on with me so I can learn more about it and try to overcome it.

Does your pdoc know the whole story? About the homicidal ideation and everything else that went on? If he does and you do not trust his diagnosis then I think you need to get a second opinion if that is at all possible.

Given your descriptions of your manic episodes, it sounds like this could be bipolar I. As jelly-bean asked, does your pdoc know the whole story? If so, ask him or her why they don't think you're bipolar. If they don't know the whole story, be forthcoming with them and see if that changes the diagnosis. Regardless of the diagnosis though, you have to work on getting better. That means staying on your prescribed meds, staying away from drugs and alcohol, going to therapy, and making the lifestyle and behavioral changes you need to in order to manage your mental health. I'm sure you've heard all that before, but that's because it's true.

Okay, in the nicest way possible, you realise, of course, no one here can diagnose you.

I think you're displaying some psychopathic ideations.

I'm sorry I can't be of more assistance.

Only professional intervention will assist you.

I would take this to your psychiatrist. I get very aggravated, and aggressive that have intrusive homicidal thoughts.

Thanks for some of your feedback. Just to be more clear, my psychiatrist, therapist, parents know the whole story. That was the reason I even got hospitalized. I don't have homicidal ideations now. It's not my normal personality. But is that an indicator (along with the other symptoms I have list) of some sort of manic phase? I am not looking g for a diagnosis. I'm asking if any of you have has similar experiences directly relating to your bipolar disorder.

I understand.

I've never had homicidal ideations during an episode, personally.