[echobravo]

I've been diagnosed bipolar for the better part of three years now and for the most part my medication combination is working. I work a full time job. I'm going back to school in a few months. For all intensive purposes I am a high functioning contributing member of society. Or at least that is what I thought until my sister came home the other day and started spouting things off. She was talking with one of her friends about how there isn't enough support for mental health and so on and that basically she thinks of herself as my care taker and that she is responsible for me. She also feels like my depression meds aren't working because I'm "always tired" and never want to do anything with my friends anymore. She also went on to tell me that she thinks I should have been hospitalized over six years ago and that I'm really lucky my mother never had the nerve to put me in one of those places.

Of course she says all of this like it doesn't matter. Like it's nothing. Like it's so easy for me to hear and understand and accept. Like she isn't carving out my insides with every sentence.

I tried to explain to her that I will figure everything out so that I will never have to go off of my medicine. I tried to explain to her that the reason I don't want to do things with my friends anymore is because they only like me when I'm drunk and manic and up for anything and I don't want to be like that anymore so I just avoid the situation completely. I tried to tell her that I'm always tired because a few months ago I tried switching medicines for my insomnia and so far we've switched three times and nothing is working so I'm not sleeping and when I do sleep I'm not sleeping well and then going to work everyday with the job I have makes me tired. And yes, sometimes too tired to stay up late watching boring tv shows with her.

I tried explaining all of this, but none of it seems to sink in. She wants me to be open with her and to talk to her when I need to, but it seems impossible to talk to her about any of my problems because she just doesn't understand them in any reasonable way.

Does she really want me to talk to her about how I hate taking medicine to be normal and I'm scared about the fact that I may just have to be medicated the rest of my life?

Does she really want me to talk to her about how I'm so terrified to have a second date with someone because then I'll have to tell them and explain to them how I'm not crazy, not anymore, and I promise promise I won't freak out on them, but they leave anyway?

Because honestly I'm not sure she really wants to hear about any of it. And I'm worried she'll just use my fears as reasons to commit me later.

I need advice. Thoughts. Encouragement.

[tipper1492]

I have to be careful because I said too much about something else all together. Like my post was removed you know. Anyway your sister does not sound that caring to me. I think some can not understand, or do not care to. If she is negative towards you, what good is that?

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in.

I don't really bother to explain and get my husband to UNDERSTAND what I'm going through. He can see the symptoms, whether I'm having an episode or changes in demeanor because of a change in meds.

I'll tell him about it to make him aware, or he will mention the symptoms that he sees.

But there's only so much he can empathize with as he does not have mental health issues because he's always upbeat.

Doesn't sound like your sister is supportive. In fact she is making toxic remarks.

So how is this working for you?

You most probably need to reconsider how you take and feel about her comments.

Maybe she says them out of good intent but it's not helping your cause.

[pink&grey]

It sounds like you are coping really well and she is not. I don't think you can make her understand so the best option is to look at what is real and true and decide if what she is saying holds up. It doesn't sound like it does so then it's a matter of protecting yourself from her opinions. I've had to do this with my 4 siblings and it took me awhile to get there. Eventually it stopped bothering me and I realized I was the authority on my life, not them. It is tough with siblings because there are so many dynamics and they often know too much. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing well and I'm glad your meds are working. I've been having the sleep problems too so I know that is rough enough!

[BlackSheep79]

Have you actually educated her on the illness? Has she read any books or worthy websites? From reading your post I see three possible scenarios. Like I said, uneducated. Second, maybe just one of those people that will never understand mental illness no matter what you do or say. Third, she is saying these things out of fear? Like how she was making a comment about you being tired and not hanging out with friends. That's her way of saying I'm scared for my sister of her being alone. I don't know if I'm making any sense. If this is fear she doesn't really know how to talk to you about it. Is it possible that you two could do a therapy session together where it was in a controlled setting?

My sister and I have a long history together. She is almost five years younger than me. When I was 15 was when the BP came out, but I was misdiagnosed as having depression and was put on SSRI's for years that triggered me into a manic state. My poor sister witnessed so much that I will never be able to take back, and she also had her own demons to fight. I also had to deal with OCD as well growing up. There is stuff she tells me that I did and I don't even remember, I think I blacked out or blocked it out. Without my sister I don't think I would be here today. There is a bond that just cannot be broken between us.

Maybe deep down inside your sister is scared and wants to be there for you, I don't know, maybe it's worth a try to find out?

[Justugh]

first off say thanks to your mom ........some of those places are nice others are just money farms

as for your sleeping ...completely understand u are not enter and holding rem sleep so it is not restful .........and i get u on the old friend thing (most of them think i am dead now only kept 3)

the whole date thing ..........stop it u are putting your foot in your mouth........no talking about medical stuff until 4th 5th date before the happy fun time in the bedroom.......and then only tell them yah i am what ever u are on meds for it .......leave it at that if they want to know old stories about how u are not on meds ( tell the funny ones of u doing something crazy )

as for making your sister understand ..........give it to her she is asking for it be 100% blunt honest about it and then lay down paperwork on the side effects of long term use of the meds u are on ........then talk ............she will get it or she will not .....but u tried

[BipolaRNurse]

Do we have the same sister?

Mine is twelve years older than me, so she still thinks of me as "baby sister" even though I'm almost 56 and I have a disease she knows NOTHING about. She thinks she's trying to "help" me but says things that hurt and then she goes negative on me ("you just need to straighten up"---this from a woman who suffers from chronic depression herself!). THEN she steers the conversation to her own issues and literally tries to have mental-illness pissing contests.....she's told me she envies me because "at least you get the highs" and goes on to talk about all the bad stuff I've done during my manic episodes.

I think she's just overly self-centered and likes to create drama where there is none. She doesn't get me and never will, so I can't spend a lot of time with her because her behavior is so triggering. I have to remember "not my circus, not my monkeys" so that I don't take on her issues in addition to my own.

[Victoria'smom]

Try not to think of yourself as low or high functioning. It comes and goes.

Remember to her the “real” you was/is the hypomanic one so “normal” you looks depressed. I would still talk to your dr just incase she sees your mood swings before you do. If she is your “caretaker” when you're really sick make a contract for behavior that needs immediate attention. Give it to her, your therapist and your Dr. That way she has a clear cut “Call the therapist now!” My husband and I have made a deal that we will not hospitalized each other but we can sure as hell tell on each other. You may want to give her your dr.s and therapists # so if need be she can tell on you but not get any information about you. She does want you to talk about your issues as long as they're not BP related.

Does she really want me to talk to her about how I hate taking medicine to be normal and I'm scared about the fact that I may just have to be medicated the rest of my life?

Does she really want me to talk to her about how I'm so terrified to have a second date with someone because then I'll have to tell them and explain to them how I'm not crazy, not anymore, and I promise promise I won't freak out on them, but they leave anyway?

These are things you talk to your therapist or psychcentral about not your sister. Honestly, for dating I would not say your bipolar until it comes to living together seriousness.

[~Christina]

I gave up long ago hoping/expecting/wishing that people and/or family would understand my bipolar. No one can really "get it" unless they have it. My husband has a working knowledge but he admits he is not able to really "get it" he can see if I am having a rough time and he is there to offer support not a lecture or offer incorrect information.

I can be happy, sad, tired, mad and it have nothing to do with my unique Bipolar.

Every person on the planet feels different emotions regardless of a "mental illness" or not...So yes its okay if your having emotions at least your not snowed under like a zombie.

You need to draw a firm line in the sand.. yes can be hard with family and friends , but hey just because they are family doesnt mean they are healthy people for you to open up to. Be calm and firm that "you do not need her input on your living with your Bipolar, you can and will take care of yourself ". You may have wash rinse and repeat this until she finally gets bored and wanders off to bother someone else

PS. Don't be in any hurry when dating to disclose bipolar on any kinda of time line or date # whatever, hell you could be on date # 4 with a guy and think "oh wow ! Maybe I really don't like this guy for reason XYZ ?????.... So don't box yourself in thinking you have to disclose a damn thing until you think there might just be a future with someone.

Just take care of you.

Welcome to PC , we all "get it " here !!!

[Curious651]

think it all has been said. I don't try and explain to those who are not bp because they cannot really, truely understand. Most of the time we have a hard time understanding it. Be safe

[Turtlesoup]

Hi echo-I see lots of good solid advice already & support-just want to add my support & say I know how rough it is when people that should be closest to you are not supportive. My parents are not-my Dad has the whole "I don't believe in mental illness" thing-it sucks. For me some days it still bothers me others it doesn't-you can't control what your sister thinks or believes-if she would be open to going to counseling with you I've found a 3rd party mediator to be helpful in cases like this. Take care of yourself, listen to how your body is feeling & try not to waste precious energy if she just doesn't get it.

[stellarx]

I feel you. Some people just don't understand. Perhaps if you can socialize with other people outside of the house when you're ready this would help. Your sister seems a negative person. Negative vibes are never good

[Bipolarchic14]

I am to the point where I don't even try to have people understand. I just don't care anymore.

[tipper1492]

The general public, as I read on the net, have a stigma about any mental illness. I can not recall any percent, but I believe the percent is high. Even I had/have to read about different types of mental illnesses to understand any differences between any two, three, or more, or combinations of them in the same person. Even employment, housing, and other things can and do effect people with mental illness. I don't tell people, and I believe two of my friends do not come around anymore after I informed them I was BP. It's not worth it to tell, to try and explain, and many just let it go over their heads.

[Creative1onder]

Its very hard getting people to listen and understand what depression or bipolar is like to have because it varies from person to person and its not obvious to others what u go through each day and night with it. Some people think mental illness is your fault, or choice to be life that, part of who you are, your real self and normal thing.

[~Christina]

You can show people BP info , they could look on line, but unless you have Bipolar , there is really no way to understand it or how it effects a person.

You hope you find understanding and accept that its not always going to happen, You find support YOU need whether it be Pdoc's, T's or on forums like this and just plug along.

Bipolar cycles, No matter where you are in a cycle it will indeed chew you up and spit you out the other side.

Bipolar often blows, a lot