[bumble2u]

I am wondering if anyone else faces this problem. The mental health team keep asking what help I need and I simply cannot think of what would help.

It is pretty clear that nothing is going to get better. I have tried so many things like not drinking, i exercise. It was suggested I lose weight So I lost a ton. At one point they said dbt is the answer after three years I managed to get 6 months. Not saying that wasn't helpful it was especially for my family. Basically if depressed they say suck it up because anti depressants have made me manic or suicidal. I have had therapy and worked hard.

I still find myself here and with no light insight.. I could ask the doctor for new meds but he didn't even know what I was on and my dosages last time I even had to go and get him from town to my place because he couldn't get his gps to work. Even though he had been to my place before. He's a nice guy but I do wonder.

I know there is only good intent to help me but I feel like no one can. I am aware I have to help myself. I'm kind of done with it all.

What should I be asking? I might have a couple of months left before physically my body won't be able to function anymore. Maybe I don't want help because I'm so ready to leave this behind.
They say do something for you. I'm not sure what that means I feel guilty every time I sit down.
So I must be missing something vital. Please enlighten me. Currently everybody around me seems to be raping my thoughts.

[Blitter2014]

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it all bumble.

It sounds like you have really been doing the hard yards, working hard and using the tools that you have been given. I had a conversation with my Psych Nurse yesterday, and after I had poured out my heart and told her everything that was going on and how I needed help, she told me that she didn't have the answer and I was going to have to find it for myself. That through her and my T I had most of the tools I needed and it was up to me to put them into practice and keep using them.

I was shocked. It was the last thing I wanted to hear. I needed to hear that she still had things for us to try. But then she said something really profound. She said that "I was coping."

I didn't think much of it at the time, but upon reflection she was right. Most of the time I don't feel like I am coping, but my T had told me that "If I am breathing I am coping". Putting the two together I can see what they are saying. I might not be coping well, but I am coping, in that I am still drawing breathe and have not given up.

From personal experience it is a combination of medication and T that keeps you going. It is the medication that gets your brain into a place where you are prepared to keep fighting, to keep going, to keep trying. Then it is T and the tools that they give you to make that fight worthwhile, to improve the quality of your life.

You said that you feel like you have only a couple of months left before you won't be able to function anymore. Can I suggest a medication review? Can I also suggest that you sit down and have a very frank conversation with your T, telling her you need to know exactly what you are supposed to be doing, what tools she recommend you use (relaxation, breathing, meditation, mindfulness, destraction, exercise etc)?

Can I also say that in line with what I was saying earlier that you are doing a good job. You haven't given up, you haven't stopped fighting, that you are still drawing breathe, really you are to be commended. Take time to reinforce positive thinking. Tell yourself often that you are worth the fight, and that you are doing well. It may not be as well as you like, but each day you struggle and fight is another day that you have won the battle.

Don't give up. You are worth the fight. You are valuable. You have proven that you can keep going. Take each day as a victory. Treat yourself often. Get your meds reviewed, get a new Pdoc and/or therapist, do whatever it is you need to do to keep going.

Please keep posting so we know how you are. And occasionally read posts from crazy people like me

[Victoria'smom]

I'm kind of done with it all That's where I'm at. What do I need ??? I plan to show up for therapy and see what happens tomorrow. Do I expect much? not really, maybe he'll over react. Do you think a new therapist will help?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Basically if depressed they say suck it up because anti depressants have made me manic or suicidal.

You are taking a major mood stabilizer (Lithium) at a medium dose and a major antipsychotic (Seroquel) at a medium-to-high dose. They should be able to give you an antidepressant without your flipping into mania because both Lithium and Seroquel would protect against that.

Suicidality is another story. What AD's made you suicidal? Maybe the Dr needs to try other AD's. Also, suicidal ideation may be transient as you get used to AD so the Dr needs to monitor you carefully but that is not a reason not to try. You need help for sure.

Another thing is that the dose of Seroquel is significant and one wonders if it makes you depressed by acting too strongly.

Basically, looking at your cocktail I get the impression that your pdoc is not trying to help you live well, but simply is trying to avoid your becoming either suicidal or manic, but does not mind your marinating in this desperate low grade depression. This is an overly conservative approach that should be challenged.

[Pikku Myy]

I go to ER and get myself submitted in to observation I dont want to die.

[bumble2u]

I actually don't have a therapist. What happens is that every week a random person turns up it could be the addiction person . It could be a social worker. Apparently they conveine and swap notes. I actually find this quite confusing tho I know I should be grateful for anyone coming at all.
The idea is that his keeps me out of hospital. I realize that my signature says I've been taking 400 which is not correct apologies I tirated down to 100 a while back. I find it makes me too zombies . Though lately I have taken more to knock me out but actually that hasn't helped. Also I knocked back my lithium to600 because I lost so much weight I knew I would be pushing it so I am at 600 but I had my levels done so I am ok .
I can't really go to re I hold down 3 different jobs and still we are skint. I am sure I will get through the holidays somehow because I don't want my kids to hate this time of year. But I have to say I can't wait to pull the plug once this ******** over commercialized sugar coated farce is over. My apologies to those who genuinely love this time of year.