What Have Been the most Disturbing?

They both suck. When I'm depressed I don't want to be around anyone including my kids and wife. When I'm hypo manic I hurt my wife by doing things I never thought I'd do (cheat). I can say both suck for the people around me and I have temporarily lost my family over this sh**. I'm finally getting help and I hope I can see clearer. I also am a big hypochondriac so the lamictal my pdoc has me on is freaking me out. I think every pimple or bump or itch is the dreaded lamictal rash and I debate quitting. I pray I can get through this

I'm very nearly always depressed, only varying by degree. Manic episodes are few and far between but they disrupt my life a lot. Hypomania is great, its really the only time I feel like life is worth the struggle.

Mixed episodes are dangerous, I can be psychotic and I feel like **** and have the drive to do something about it. If this crap ever succeeds in killing me, it'll be during a mixed episode.

When I am experiencing or recently experienced one, I think I would rather have the other, but in reality, I can't answer this question since they both suck and have both caused great havoc in my life these past few months.

Mixed episodes are TRULY the worst though. No comparison.