[Phinn]

I've been trying to kill myself in one form or another since I was 13 and still want to all the time. I've been rapid cycling for about a year. I hate my soul. I don't really know why im bothering w/this

A lot of common misconceptions of death. That it will bring peace, tranquility….

It doesnt. I really hate to say that but it doesnt. I have been to that place. It was dark, silent, lonely. I know it seems tough. You say you have been dealing with thoughs for a while? How old are you now? What are you doing fro treatment? What help are you getting?

[Phinn]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

A lot of common misconceptions of death. That it will bring peace, tranquility….

It doesnt. I really hate to say that but it doesnt. I have been to that place. It was dark, silent, lonely. I know it seems tough. You say you have been dealing with thoughs for a while? How old are you now? What are you doing fro treatment? What help are you getting?

im 49 I was diagnosed and medicated at 27 5yrs ago went off my meds. because it seemed like good idea at the time that's the readers digest version

[HALLIEBETH87]

Do you think it was a good idea now? Rapid cycling sucks, I'm there with you. I have been rapid cycling for a couple years. Makes it feel like it will never get better but I have hope it will. Every storm runs out of rain. It will get better.

What things do you do to take care of yourself? Coping skills? Therapist?

I hope you keep fighting.!were all here to support you as we can.!

[otroo]

I was in kind of the same boat as you op. My pdoc told me I was passively sucidal and I had to active attempts last year alone but in the past I have had about 20 or more attempts. I did five inpatient stays last year alone and they have seemed to have gotten me on the right tract on the last two visits. I have found that taking Lithium has helped me and I am willing to accept the negative side affects cause it is nice not to wake up everyday wishing I was dead. Now Lithium may not help you but there might be something that can it just takes time to find out what will help sometimes. I wish you the best of luck.

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[Phinn]

it's not the rapid cycling that makes me crave death. I've wanted it since I was 13. I want to die because my brain is always in pain and I loath myself. Even w/all kinds drugs all it does is mute the monster and make me zombie.

Originally Posted by Phinn

im 49 I was diagnosed and medicated at 27 5yrs ago went off my meds. because it seemed like good idea at the time that's the readers digest version

you should look in to getting some more treatment for it.

49.... that's still young.

you can still have a lot of amazing experiences

[Phinn]

I cant fight it any more. I was supposed to be tough guy nothing ever got to me. people tell there problems I could take it. It was all a mask. I'm fraud. I give it wins. there's only one way to beat your brain. It' kind of a lose lose

Have you ever tried seeing therapist regularly?

[Phinn]

Many times. but most I've had contact w/were either ignorant or fools. They have to have something extra.to be any good. And there are things I can say here that I wont say a therapist

[Victoria'smom]

I have and always will be passively suicidal. I've accepted this my new therapist has not.
Even w/all kinds drugs ... make me zombie you're on the wrong mixture.

Originally Posted by Phinn

I cant fight it any more. I was supposed to be tough guy nothing ever got to me. people tell there problems I could take it. It was all a mask. I'm fraud. I give it wins. there's only one way to beat your brain. It' kind of a lose lose

all i'll say is this:

you've not giv

all i'll say is this.

you've not given up, because if that was the case you wouldn't be posting on the forum

i think that deep down you still have a will to live and are just looking for some good advice