Dealing with triggering objects/words

Hey everyone,

First I guess I am sorry I post so much. For the next couple of weeks I have no therapist and have been without one for a month. So this forum is currently my support and therapy in a way. Happy to have found it. Anyway...getting to the point now.

I'm a person who is very easily triggered by many objects and words. I've been like this for a long time. Triggers often evoke very strong emotions for me and many times I can't get a grip on them. I really hate triggers and wish they did not exist at all.

I am unable to:
•use my phone or IPad, log into Facebook, or see a certain shirt/object without being reminded of my ex. I instantly become upset and often spiral into negative/nostalgic thinking. The worst part is she doesn't give a **** about me (I am unsure she did for most of the relationship even) and actually told me that she was glad we broke up because her life is better, etc.
•hear a door slam or be around drugs without thinking of bad times from 8 years ago when my brother heavily used drugs and growing up in my house was chaos
•hear the word "star" or see stars without thinking of my ex because that was her name
•hear a song about love because I instantly become sour about it and reinforce my belief that love isn't worth it and most likely doesn't exist (at least not for me)
•be around mutual friends of my ex (clearly it makes me think of her, jealous they still have contact, and pissed/upset about the terribly way it ended...she broke up with me over Facebook with a "**** you" and months later said she was over me and with someone new...how do you go with someone new less than two months after breaking up?!)

Ugh. So I know like all these are about my ex. But I'm having a hard time because of all these triggers. And I hate she's not suffering like me and probably never was. That makes it all much worse.

How do I deal with the triggers? Can I get rid of them? Or can I at least maybe make it so I quit delving into negativity when one hits? Help please. I feel this is one thing I can't get under control. Ugh.



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I'm sorry the break up was so bad. How long ago did you break up. It sounds like your still mourning the lost of your relationship. Can you find the good in the relationship maybe? How much you've grown since then or good you've done even if it's really small. All I can suggest is deep breathing when you have these thoughts.

How long has it been since the break-up? Triggers are unavoidable when healing has to occur. The only things that helped me were my care team and time. Vent to your psych professionals. Join a support group. Talk about it.

It has been about 4 months. I know it is kind of a long time so I am better than I once was but it's still kind of bad as you can tell by my first post :/

I have grown a lot. Mainly because I realized how much BP and my emotions were taking over and damaging that relationship so it's partially my fault it did not work. I do not want another relationship like that so I've been working hard to manage my BP once and for all. Other than that, I can't say much in my life has changed. But I graduate in 4 months so it will then!

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Mourn the relationship lost, That has to happen to be able to move forward. When your smacked with a trigger , Breathe and force yourself to see the trigger for what it is , its just a phone , just a Ipad, just a door , etc You need to just desensitize yourself.

I picked a certain thing that I think of as soon as I get triggered.... Mine is particular colored gemstone. Takes practice . Just pick a color or a thing and when the trigger hits breathe in and "see" that object. Focus on the object , that's your safe soothing object.

I'm sorry she broke your heart ,, But every break up always allows us to learn something new about ourselves.

Be kind to yourself.

I totally understand how you feel right now, and I'm really sorry. I'm dealing with the same problem. It's really hard. Sometimes, I feel like it will never stop hurting. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I know this is cliche, but time does heal us.

I broke up with my wife and about two years later she was married again. Still is married many years later. Broke up with a good gf,that within a year was married. Still is several years later. I hear of many dating the first month or two after their breakup. I would never want to date these people with much too much baggage. Every one needs time before they can move forward. But apparently there are those who are very needy. FWIW

BTW I have broken up with my daughters mother 13 years ago. I have not dated at all since that time. Only now am I interested in having a girlfriend. I still hurt some. But I need to move on with my life. Besides, out co parenting relationship works really well.

I am so sorry you are hurting bad. Break-ups can be devastating. Triggers will surround you for some time so you need to find ways to manage them when they do come. Everyone is different as to what works. For me I found mindfullness and acceptance (meditation) very helpful. To be able to accept the pain and not fight against it but instead let it flow through you until it passes - and it always does eventually pass. I went through an awful divorce so I totally understand the depth of pain you must be in. Hang in there and keep posting if it helps.

Hang in there!

PS: Sorry for the post on my situation instead of offering supportive advice. I just kind of lost it.

sorry for the lost relationship

it is positive you have learnt from it though

What you are going through is normal as far as breakups are concerned. Everything will trigger your memory about the loss. Time is really the only solution but post on here as much as you want to get it out. Thats what it here for! Also i agree with others about trying to redirect your thoughts as you face the triggers. Everytime it pops up train your brain to go somewhere else and find a place of peace. This has helped me with breakups AND anxiety ect
Sorry you are feeling bad

Thank you for the support everyone. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.

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