[Jkeyz]

Well I never thought I would do it. The last time I was in counseling I swore I would never go back. But I've decided that I have too many issues to deal with on my own. I'm going to go to the local university and be their "guinea pig". I'm not very comfortable seeing a college student half my age as opposed to a true experienced professional, but it's all I can afford....$11.00 per session. I have to find a way to get over constantly wanting acceptance from my sisters that are never going to accept me. They do not understand my mental illness, nor do they believe I have it. They just say that they know something is wrong with me. My older sister told me last week that she didn't have the time nor the energy to put into finding out what, if anything, was wrong with me. She had too many things going on in her own life to deal with that she couldn't take on my problems as well. You know what really hurts? Is that if her dog was sick, but she didn't know why, she would rush her to the vet. But she knows somethings wrong with me, but she's not interested in going with me to my doctor visits to discuss and learn about the matter to better understand me. You can pick your friends but not your family. And I thought that it was your family that was supposed to care about you the most. Guess I was wrong.

Anyway, the last few weeks have been very difficult. I have been on a *****ing and crying spree. Couldn't figure out why. Just blamed it on PMS and thought that my Klonopin was making me a *****. Well I think it was because my pdoc took me off my Lexapro. When I called and talked with her office, she put me back on it and I've been back to my old normal self. Which doesn't say much.

Anyway, my appointment with the counselor is this coming Thursday at noon. It's a 2 hour visit (for paperwork). I'm really nervous about being there for 2 hours. And nervous about letting someone else into my life. But I'm excited in hoping that they will be able to give me some answers as to why I think I need approval from both my sisters. Sorry guys....just had to rattle!!!

[jattitude74]

I hope your appointment goes well.As far as your sisters, don't waste your time trying to explain you have a mental illness if they don't want to hear it or don't believe it. I went through it with my sister. S he just kept telling everyone goes through hard times and to just deal with it. Yea just deal with it huh? easier said then done! Families are suppose to support you or at least that is what I have always been led to believe, until there is a problem, then where are they? You need to find your support from the people who are willing to try to understand and willing to listen. As far as what I did with my sister, I told her how it was and for her to deal with it, now I don't call her unless I am having a good day. I don't call when things aren't right. Even though it hurts and it sucks I just avoid the whole thing with her. It's hard when you don't get the support you need from the people you love. Good luck with counseling. I hope it works out well for you. Jen